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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Stupid bedtime - January 13th 2011, 07:59 PM

I'm 16 and my mum still makes me go to bed at half 8 or earlier. If I go to bed before 9 I can't sleep until 2/3 in the morning which is seriously making life difficult for me. Also if she notices I'm tired she'll make me go to bed earlier and if I tell her I can't sleep she just says think nice thoughts. I've tried talking to her but she won't listen. Is their anything else I can do (other than staying up without her knowing because I've been doing that for a while but I don't like lying to her)
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Re: Stupid bedtime - January 13th 2011, 08:40 PM

I haven't had a bed time since I was...six. My mom would think I was in bed, but really I would be up on my computer. But that was because she let me have my computer in my room. *cough*

She needs to realize that you're growing up. It's normal for a 16 year old to stay up until midnight doing homework, hanging out with friends, and other stuff normal teenagers do. Explain to her that you're going to be in college or on your own in a few years. Thus, you're going to have to make decisions for yourself. If you're tired the next morning, then that's your problem, not hers.

She needs to let you be responsible for your own actions. You're at the age where you need to begin making your decisions, not your mother; and that especially includes the time when you feel you should go to bed.


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Re: Stupid bedtime - January 13th 2011, 08:59 PM

I don't think you should have a bed time at 16. But is also depends what time you want to go to bed I say between 10:30-11 is a good time to sleep because you need at least 8 hours of sleep and taking into consideration you wake up at 7 that should make it. I know you said you already tried talking to her but try giving her some facts. Make a deal with her tell her to let you set your bedtime for a week and proof to her that you can in fact be responsible enough to go to bed when before 11.
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Re: Stupid bedtime - January 13th 2011, 11:12 PM

Present her with some facts, or go to the doctors and ask her to come with you, then when you're there infront of the doctor mention it and just let him talk to her. It sounds like she's got a bit of an unhealthy outlook on you and is perhaps trying to keep you her little girl. For now invest in a torch and some good books to keep you company until you can get to sleep.



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Re: Stupid bedtime - January 14th 2011, 12:32 AM

How many hours of (actual) sleep do you get each night? Because if you don't fall asleep until 2 or 3 in the morning, and you have to get up at 6 or 7 in the morning for school... I'd be concerned that there's something else going on biologically. Perhaps you should see a doctor with your mom. Together, the three of you can discuss how many hours of sleep you should be getting each night (research generally agrees on 7-8 hours at your age), when you would need to go to sleep and wake up each day to achieve the ideal number of hours (so probably 10 or 11 in the evening), and how you can find ways to fall asleep more quickly (because lying in bed for 5-6 hours is not only boring, it's damaging to your overall health).

If talking to the doctor doesn't work, I would look into some home remedies for falling asleep... listening to soothing music while lying in bed with your eyes shut, or waiting until you're sent to bed before doing your homework (it's probably so boring, you'll be falling asleep after an hour or two!). You could also change your diet and other habits to enable you to fall asleep sooner and more easily (ex. not eating after a certain time in the evening, avoiding TV and other highly stimulating activities later in the evening). Again, I would hope that talking to your doctor will help shed some light on why you are having so much trouble falling asleep to begin with, and hopefully, your mother will also be more willing to change your bedtime to a later time with the doctor's support.





   
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Re: Stupid bedtime - January 14th 2011, 07:03 AM

Try presenting her with the facts. Teenagers need 7-8 hours of sleep each night. Let's say you wake up at 6:30 AM to get ready for school. Subtract eight hours from that, and you get 10:30 PM. Print out some charts from reliable sites, check out books on sleep from your local library, consult your health teacher, or even call your doctor and have him or her explain to your mother that this bedtime is not healthy. Teenagers' biological clocks are naturally set for a different cycle than children's and adults'. It would actually be the optimum schedule for you to go to bed in the wee hours of the morning and wake up around noon, but school doesn't allow for that.


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Re: Stupid bedtime - January 14th 2011, 09:44 AM

Sleeping too much can give you headaches. 'Cos during your sleep, you obviously can't drink liquids, so you get gradually dehydrated. Dehydration = headaches. It can also wear you down, make you feel lazy.

And it sounds like your mum might be too controlling. You have to convince her that once you go to university/college, you're gonna have a lot more freedom, and it'l be a huge jump for you. I've seen sooo many complete idiots at my university especially in the first year, completely fking headless drunk every night etc etc I could go on. Far better to ease into "being independant" than suddenly have it drop on your head.


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Re: Stupid bedtime - January 16th 2011, 09:00 AM

It took me a long time to outgrow a bedtime, and since I still live with my parents, if they catch me up I do get yelled at. My bedtime was around 9 for a long time, now I have to go to my room at the same time as my parents do (anywhere from 9 to midnight) but can stay up as late as I want (though my parents encourage me to go to bed as soon as possible).

Bottom line is, you live in your mom's house, so you live by her rules. You probably won't change her mind, and trying to will only annoy you and her in the long run. Being a night person, I know it's hard...and I personally agree with you that at 16, that shouldn't be your bedtime. Until you're 18, though, you don't have as much as a case. At 16, your mom is still legally responsible for you...not that I can link sleep to problems without a driver's license (driving while you're tired is bad), but still. At 18, your mom is no longer responsible for your actions, so if you oversleep for school or work, it's your problem. At your age, this is not the case, it's your mom's problem. So if she thinks you need to be in bed at that time to wake up in time and be rested, that's her call.

Sorry to sound harsh, I just know from experience that your parents will have to make the decision to change their minds on their own.


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Re: Stupid bedtime - January 16th 2011, 11:27 AM

I suggest you try talking to her and giving the facts that you know. It's worth a shot.


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