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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Stuckinhell Offline
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Bad reputation.. - January 16th 2011, 02:47 AM

So i was out tonight, with a few friends, and as we alll got a little tipsy, we began to talk about last term. I never realised how bad a reputation i'd managed to get myself. Yes, i slept with 2 people from my floor, but it wasn't at the same time. I just feel worried that people just see me as a slut.

Plus, ive been told numerously that i flirt with people when i meet them, even unknowingly.

Just stressed out, and not sure how to undoe this rep of a sluttish girl that sleeps around. Because realistically its not me... it's not what i am, and i'm jst worried x


   
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Re: Bad reputation.. - January 16th 2011, 03:42 AM

If you have this bad reputation, there's not a lot you can do about it. If you try to refute it, that likely makes it worse because it is seen as lying, which has a negative view on its own.

The best advice I can give is what my friends and I did at high-school. We weren't given positive views by others, it was mostly negative views. However it bother us individually because for myself, what's done is done, I cant change people's views on how they perceive me. I also didn't care how they perceived me because I had my own group of friends and the goal was to graduate with high marks. Worrying about how people who I don't know perceive me wasn't a priority as my group of friends and goals weren't affected by how I was perceived.

It only mattered to me when people would do acts of bullying toward me, anything else, such as talking behind my back didn't matter. The way I viewed it, if they wanted to talk behind my back, it was because they didn't want to say it face-to-face, presumably out of cowardice. So I saw no reason in fretting over it.

Best advice is even if their views aren't correct of who you are, if you try to undo their views, it's only going to make you worry even more, put you in a more negative light and your focus will be on that rather than on what's more important, such as grades, friendships, etc... . Maintain those relationships because changing to get others to like you may put your current friendships at risk. Their negative views are probably from silly nonsense so you'd have to get into silly nonsense to attempt to change them. In my view, if it's not harming you, it's not worth it.

Clearly it wasn't harming you before as you were fine despite having these views of you.

As another example, on TH, I'm aware many people don't have positive views of me and many have PMed me that or said it in forums or chat. However, it doesn't matter to me as it doesn't bother me.


I can rip you off, and steal all your cash, suckerpunch you in the face, stand back and laugh. Leave you stranded as fast as a heart-attack.
- Danko Jones (I Think Bad Thoughts)
   
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Re: Bad reputation.. - January 16th 2011, 03:42 AM

About flirting with out noticing, many people I know do it and it's not uncommon but you may want to try to control it somehow

and finally time will prove you right, if you're not that kind of girl you're not, you just happened to sleep with to people during one semester for your reasons and you don't have to explain or apologize to others. But, if you feel explaining why to people close to you helps you should.




and I need your sway, cause you always pay for it
and I need your soul, cause you're always soulfull
and I need your heart, cause you're alwyas in the rigth places
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