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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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TigerTank77 Offline
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THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE - January 17th 2011, 04:47 AM

Since I was 13, my parents have been divorced. And the way custody worked, was that I'd spend 8 days at my moms, and 6 at my dads. It's worked fine, my parents are good friends now, no real drama.

But the issue is, I'm 20, and I don't know if I want to do this switching back and forth anymore. Until this point I've done it to please my parents and to be able to see them equally

I have lived out of a suitcase for 7 years. Everything essential that I own is always ready to travel. I have two bedrooms, both nice. My mom's house is nice and has a better bathroom set up, my dad's/his fiance's house is even nicer, but is 20 miles from my home town, so commuting is a pain when I'm at his house.

Honestly, I'm tired. I'm tired of traveling back and forth. I want to be able to actually settle down. To be able to put my fucking clothes in an actual dresser.

Problem is... I don't know where to settle. No matter where I do, I'm going to upset someone. And I can't move out, don't make enough to support myself yet.

My mother and I don't always see eye to eye, so If I stay there, we'd clash more than we do. It's rare, but we do.

And at my dads... I feel like a burden they don't need to bare. My dad's fiance has 2 young kids, one is autistic, and they barely make ends meet.

So... I really don't know what the hell to do. I don't know where to stay, but I don't want to keep doing this for ever, ya know?



Often I lie wide awake, thinking of things I could make.
But I donít seem to have the parts to build them.
I am so scared of what will kill me in the end, for I am not prepared.
I hope I will get the chance to be someone, to be human.





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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Jazzman Jeff Offline
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Re: THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE - January 17th 2011, 06:05 AM

I can understand your dilemma but you're more than old enough to have the opportunity to be settled in a primary spot at least. Unfortunately, no matter what, people will be forced to adjust depending on what you decide. However, you were the one who has done the most adjusting (pleasing by living back and forth) for some time now; don't you think you DESERVE to have a say? To be honest, you didn't break up your parents, and I'm sure they never wanted to hurt you or intentionally complicate your life.

I think you need and deserve to consider yourself first in this situation. Either way there could be conflict, as you pointed out so the best thing for everyone would be to find where YOU will be most comfortable. If you are comfortable, you will me more likely to be happy, adjust better and in turn will make a more positive impact on whoever you live with.

Another way to look at this may be to consider the moving back and forth from your parents' point of view - although they have time with you and then time away (over and over) - that may not have been that easy for them either. Perhaps staying in one place (at least most of the time) will actually benefit them both (regardless of who you stay with).

You're right, you can't do this forever, and I don't think it would be fair to expect that of you if you were my kid. While I can't tell you which one to pick, I can tell you that you should talk to both parents explaining what you have here. I bet they will surprise you with some of their own (helpful) opinions and you may be able to choose with more ease. In addition, you can get an idea of the kind of impact that you may make if you still are worried about that.

Weigh all the pros and cons from YOUR perspective and choose. Hopefully they will support you either way. I don't think there is a right choice in your case, but there certainly isn't a wrong choice


Jeff

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Re: THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE - January 17th 2011, 07:40 AM

From a practical aspect, I'd say stay at your mom's because you feel less burdened there and traveling is easier as it's at your home town. Sometimes you clash, so does everyone once in a while though and you said you rarely clash, so you two have a good strong relationship. To avoid making your father too angry, set up lines of communication so you can still chat with him. That's what I would do: go to the place with more money, less feelings of discomfort, strong relationship and easier in traveling. Your father's place, from what you've said has more discomfort, less money, strong relationship and difficulty in traveling. If I were you, the answer seems clear as mud on a white tuxedo.


I can rip you off, and steal all your cash, suckerpunch you in the face, stand back and laugh. Leave you stranded as fast as a heart-attack.
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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
TigerTank77 Offline
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Re: THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE - January 18th 2011, 01:27 PM

Well, I'm going to talk with my parents today and I'll let you guys know what happens.


Often I lie wide awake, thinking of things I could make.
But I donít seem to have the parts to build them.
I am so scared of what will kill me in the end, for I am not prepared.
I hope I will get the chance to be someone, to be human.





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