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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
nicoleee Offline
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so much friend trouble... - February 27th 2009, 09:12 AM

Heyy guys, so obviously I'm new here...but I really need some help, so this seems like an awesome site to start out on.


So...lets start off with my story here.

I have an online friend, and we've been best friend for a really long time now. She seems like the sweetest most understanding person I have ever known. I tend to vent on her about a lot of my family problems, and she always helps me out. We seemed to have fit together like puzzle pieces. I love her, and I couldn't have asked for a better best friend.

Lately though I've had a lot of trouble at home, since we're getting kicked out of our house and we can't find a new one in time, and our car broke, and well...just a lot of arguments. It's completely stressful, with school on top of it.

So with that, I haven't been able to get online a lot. Like, I'd leave myself signed on for AIM because sometimes I'd get on every now and then, and I'd leave the page up for Myspace and such because I can check it for a few moments.

Well, after about three or two days of being busy, I got on. She was acting really weird to me when I talked to her, and she basically took every memorial item of me off of her page.

I asked her what I did wrong, and she just kind of blew up in my face...I hadn't expected it at all, not from her, my sweet best friend. She said I was being a bitch, and that I didn't care about anyone but my self. She said that I was ignoring her, and that I didn't want to be her friend. that I lied.

now, she thinks I was ignoring her because I've been signed on...but haven't really gotten the chance to just get around to talking to people.

I tried giving her my plea, and tried so hard to explain, but she wouldn't listen. She was basically saying that no matter what I said, she was right and I was wrong.

Now at first I thought she was taking it out on me and she had a bad day...or someone sent her a rumor, but I'm pretty sure she cleared out those theories after a while of arguing with me.

And I'm an extremely sensitive and emotional person. I suffer from depression, but go to my friends for help. My life has a lot of problems, and I've been through a lot. I just couldn't take her fighting with me at the moment...so when she had to go, I blocked her and deleted her. It was the best I could do, because I saw how nasty it would get...I knew we would end up doing it sooner or later, so I saved myself from all the fighting in between.

Later that day her brother sent me a hateful message on myspace, it read (warning, there is foul language ahead)



"Don't try to FUCK with my sister you shallow, ignorant bastard.

This is what she says- (And btw, you're dead wrong about everything. She's a fantastic person and you're too damn stupid to realize it)

You are very childish and you know what? I am too good for you. All you did was complain about how your life was so hard and nobody understands you. Well, you know what? You're just a worthless attention whore and I can't believe I wasted my time on a failure like you. You're such a fake. Lieng and pretending to be my friend when truly, you were a backstabber all along. I am so sick of liars like YOU. I shouldn't have been such a good friend to you because you were always trying to hurt me. Now I know. Why don't you grow up you SICK, sick person? I spent hours, nights, mornings trying to make you feel better about whatever of the million things was wrong and you were right, I was the one who knew about your family problems and I was the one who helped you through them. Is this what you do to a good friend? You shallow son of a bitch. You USED me. Yeah, FUCK YOU. Life without an attention whore is much more fulfilling. "

I just...broke down. Imagine your best friend saying that to you. I feel so depressed right now...and I never even replied to it. It's a big misunderstanding, and I tried telling her that...but she just doesn't understand.

She obviously blocked me as well.

And I was in my one friends other account (she let me login to her AIM so I could look through her IM history to find a username that I forgot, since she didn't really feel like it)

and I got curious...and began reading the history she had with her and my former best friend that day.

What I read I'll regret. One of the most hurtful things I've ever even...heard. The way they put me down together, and talked about me...it hurt so bad.

I honestly cried so much tonight that I don't think it's possible for more tears to come, but I do still feel that urge.

And my friend won't even stand a chance as to listening to me. I want to make up with her, to apologize so badly...but I know it won't happen.

I'm needing huge help with dealing with stress right now, with dealing how to get over her, and how to be able to move on with my normal daily activities without feeling like this.

And I really need help if there is a chance I do talk to her again, how could I convince her? I feel so confused and lost right now...and I've been venting on my other friends so much, and I really just don't thinik I should let it out on them, and that I should seek help and advice on this. So what do you got for me?
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
glittermist Offline
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Re: so much friend trouble... - February 27th 2009, 09:29 PM

Hi Nicole,
Firstly i'd just like to welcome you to the site :]

Right, wow..that was a very lengthy post but i managed to read it all and i am going to try my best in offering some advice.

Do you think that someone could have hacked into your aim/myspace whilst you were busy during those days? It's possible someone could have said something under your name and your friend believed it was you?

Try writing your friend an email, explaining everything to her. Sometimes instant messages just don't cut it because it's exactly that...an INSTANT thing so anything goes and the other person can choose to ignore, exit, block, type something and change subjects ect...whereas in an email everything is right infront of you..everything you want to say can get across to the person - sure they can delete it but usually they read it BEFORE they delete it; so you've got a chance to get your feelings across to her.

If she still doesn't want to talk to you after that; then i'm truly sorry but some people just don't change their minds all too easily and you should try and get on with your life before you lose precious moments worrying over what could have happened and if you will ever get your friend back. If she could be this harsh to you; i doubt she would be thinking and worrying over you 24/7 - so don't do the same as she isn't worth it.

Good luck :] x


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: so much friend trouble... - February 27th 2009, 09:52 PM

thanks
haha and yeah, I usually end up doing super long posts. I tend to be very detailed sometimes.

Well, it is a possibility, but I can't even remember my own password for my myspace, so I haven't given it out to anyone. Plus my friend has told me what her problem was with me, so I think that might be out of the question.

My problem is that I don't know her email. I honestly never thought use of it since we always messaged each other or IMed.

I was really thinking of writing a super long letter for her, and then finding some way to send it to her. Maybe through another friend? I don't know, but I still have high doubts that she'll read it.

It bothers me so much though because from what I read with her conversation with my other friend, she was laughing and saying how she couldn't believe I wasn't over it, and that she done and forgot about it. How can someone just...forget such a strong friendship like that? I feel like I'm the only one upset about this now, and I'm partially mad at her because she doesn't even put any effort into it...it's just fighting.

So now I'm just contemplating on weather to write a long letter, or to just forget about her, because time does heal things.
   
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Re: so much friend trouble... - February 27th 2009, 09:56 PM

Hey there Nicole,

That was completely unfair of your friend to say those things to you. You have been going through a lot of stuff right now and you deserve some time to sort out your life.

I like the idea to send her an email, but I don't know if it would be worth getting her response back. What her brother said and messaged you was not at all nice or appropriate. I don't think it would be worth hearing more of her argument. You have tried to explain, and it doesn't sound like she's up to changing her mind.

I think it would be best to just ignore the bad things this friend said to you. She has helped you in the past, and I think that was really good, but part of being a friend is to try and understand one another. She seems past understanding.

I know I've often logged on to a messenger and then had to leave and left it up when I wasn't there. People should know that things come up and sometimes you have to leave or have other things to deal with.

It's always hard to lose and friend and move on, but you have other friends who care about you. The best thing I can suggest to get your mind off of this is go out with your friends and do something fun. Just relax and hang out. Do something you and your friends like to do. Try not to think of what that girl said to you and fill your time with fun things.

I hope you are able to use some of my advice. It's great to have you here on TeenHelp.
Send me a message if you want to talk some more, okay? I'm always around if you need to vent. I don't mind.

Nat.


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Re: so much friend trouble... - February 27th 2009, 10:08 PM

Ahhh, thank you Nat. ^^

Honestly, you guys are helping a lot. Just hearing the right thing to do from others is so much more helpful than the millions of ideas in my mind that don't seem to fit together.
   
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glittermist Offline
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Re: so much friend trouble... - February 27th 2009, 10:32 PM

You're welcome! I honestly think Nat's idea about hanging out with your other friends to help take your mind off of things is great! You have to prove to yourself that while she helped you in the past; you don't need to rely on her. Sometimes we have to accept people change and don't listen to reason..it's important to just remember these people in a good way and remember the positive things they did that impacted you.

I hope everything goes okay for you!


& it's just like she's in another world.
[<3]


   
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nicoleee Offline
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Re: so much friend trouble... - February 28th 2009, 09:15 PM

Yep, thanks so much!

and the more I think about her the more stupid it feels to even get upset over it. She's obviously over it, so I should move on.
   
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Re: so much friend trouble... - March 1st 2009, 11:19 PM

Whaaaaaaaaaaat. That's very unreasonable for just being offline for a few days.

There's not much you can do if you can't contact her and she won't listen anyway.

Don't try to talk to her anymore. If she wants to talk let her come to you. You're not at fault so don't feel guilty, and the only person that should be apologizing is her.

Hopefully she will see things better and talk to you again. If not try to find another friend. Don't beat yourself up about this.
   
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