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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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TwilightDwells Offline
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I'm a Stupid, Stupid Girl - January 22nd 2011, 09:08 PM

Have you ever attacked someone in your family and hurt them? But you didnt mean to because it was a horrible accident?
I have.
My dad thought it would be funny to grab me and pull me into a really tight hug without permission. And I ended up clawing his arm.
Let me explain, I'm not good with surprises, hugs, or being smothered - even if it's a joke. My dad SHOULD have known that, he's my dad after all, and he should know not to surprise me. Because when someone does something like that to me I instantly go into attack mode. It's like a dangerous and fast reflex. I grabbed his arm to push him away but he only hugged me tighter and I ended up sinking my nails into his skin and ripping it about 2 inches. He's now bleeding because of that. I feel SO bad, but I don't know who's fault it is. Surely it's mine. But I think he has somefl fault in this too. What do you think? Should I blame myself or him?


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Re: I'm a Stupid, Stupid Girl - January 22nd 2011, 09:22 PM

Sometimes, there are situations where no one is to blame. This seems like one of those situations.

Yes, your dad probably should have picked up on your discomfort with hugs by now... but not everyone is as intuitive as we'd like to think, and he IS your dad. He probably thought there was no way his daughter would object to a hug from him. As for your reaction to his hug... yes, you did hurt him, but you said you clawed him almost automatically. That implies you weren't able to stop and assess the situation before going into "attack mode", which means what you did was a mistake.

Basically, I think you owe him an apology for injuring him, but I also don't think you should keep beating yourself up over this. Instead of asking your dad to apologize for his actions, why not sit down with him and explain why you reacted the way you did? Don't accuse him of anything, because that's just going to make him feel worse (and possibly angry at you). In the future, maybe he can approach you slowly when he wants to give you a hug, and maybe you can learn to stop and think for a few seconds before reacting. I don't know why this response is so automatic for you, but you CAN "re-program" yourself over time, so your first response isn't to attack when hugged.





   
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Re: I'm a Stupid, Stupid Girl - January 23rd 2011, 04:05 AM

Well your dad didn't seem to know about this until now, but now he won't surprise you anymore like that. I'm sure he didn't mean to shock you.
You didn't mean to scratch him. But it's only a scratch, soon enough that'll be forgotten. No biggie. It's nobody's fault, just a little accident. Don't feel bad.
   
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