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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Question Had an argument with a friend a while ago, but should I forgive? - January 25th 2011, 03:14 PM

to understand what happened, i will have to into a little of what happened a few years ago, so please bare with me.

When I was 13, i was ill and had diarrhoea on evening, and the next day i still felt a bit ill, but i wanted 100% attendance, so i went in school. So i went in and a friend wanted me to listen to them practise the piano, and once she had done i was going to the toilets when the bell went. Now it wasn't until the end of this lesson when it was too late to go to the toilet, and well, i think you can guess what happened. I went to the toilet then, and sorted myself out but i still smelt really bad. I basically stayed in the toilets till break when i told a trustworthy friend who took me to the head of year, and i said i felt sick, but he told me to see how i feel and go back at break, but i went to my next lesson and i smelt, and everyone worked it out and i started crying so my teacher told my head of year to send me home. I didnt go in for a week and felt suicidal, and i still cant, 3 years on, go a day without being reminded i pooped myself. But all my friends moved on from this, or so i thought.

ok, now is where the argument started. A couple months ago, around october/november time i had a question of mine from 1000s answered on a sites' newspaper, and i was happy, and i was like 'they love me =D' but i was hyper and stuff, and my friend was like 'no they dont, your just one of millions of people who log on' and so i was like, 'dude whats wrong with you?' and he starts going on about how he had enough of my 'crap' and then he brought up the thing i just wrote, which is a very sensitive subject for me as it was something i couldnt help and i just had the piss taken out of me, even to this day. and my friends was like, 'if you told us exactly what happened the rumours would stop' and i was like i dont wanna talk about it, but he went on for like an hour, and i was upset as we were really good friends, and i kinda liked him and he never actually said he didnt like me, and we got on well and i liked talking to him, and because he was saying all that i was just getting angrier at him for bringing it up, and so i just tweeted (yeah, not even face to face he had to bring it up, on the internet for the world to see) what happened that day.

the next monday (this was a saturday) he told everyone what i said about that day in our group, and like 5 people were telling him to shut up and not to mention it, but he carried on, and obviously most of the year then found it out and the making fun of me stuff started again. so i liked stopped talking to him, blocked him and this has been the case since. my friends who are friends with him too tell me i should forgive him, but they also said he didnt feel guilty for doing it as he never 'directly' told me to say it all, when that was what he was implying! the bullying got worse after for a bit, but as we are now all 16/17 they didnt keep it going as long. i dont talk to him or even acknowledge his existence any more.

He has never apologised or anything, and everyone is saying to me to forgive him, but he really hurt me, what happened those few years ago has haunted me since, i mean i was overweight and ugly as it was let alone with the nickname i was given after this 'shit girl' so i have no chance of getting a bf or anything at school and i have no social life (im not a social person) and whenever anyone goes 'whats that smell?' its always been me who they say and everything like that, and my friend due to making me say what happened made it even worse for me and made me relive the whole depression of it, and he was meant to be a friend, thats not what friends do. i just cant bring myself to forgive him, everytime i hear his name i just feel angry and upset, but EVERYONE is telling ME to forgive him, and i know i am being a bit stubborn, but if it was anyone else all this happened to i know they wouldnt be saying it, but all my friends tell me on a regular basis to forgive him, so, should I? or am i right in refusing?

i hope you could all understand that ><
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Re: Had an argument with a friend a while ago, but should I forgive? - January 25th 2011, 04:18 PM

I am truly sorry to hear about what happened, and the bullying that resulted from it. People in middle and high school can be incredibly immature when it comes to bodily functions. Don't worry - this stigma won't stay with you forever. =)

I see forgiveness as something you do for yourself, not for others. Also, just because you forgive someone doesn't mean you have to be friends again, or even like them in general. So if you're going to forgive this person, forgive him because the grudge you're holding against him is eating you up from the inside out. Do it for your own peace of mind, not for his or for anyone else's.

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