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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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SnapCracklePop Offline
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Unhappy Sort of obsessed with my best friend? - January 25th 2011, 08:03 PM

Ok, i've been best friends with this girl for a few years now. We're both girls, and i'm straight so it's nothing like that.
I've always been the quiet one, and i've really admired her and been desperate to please her. I base how good my day was on whether or not she's in a mood with me.
The worst bit is, especially recently she's almost always mad at me! I just want to be the best friend i possibly can, but she keeps picking out all these things i do wrong, there's always something! When she's annoyed at me i feel physically sick, i can't eat and just cry!
We've had good times, but i can't take the bad!
please help!
   
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Re: Sort of obsessed with my best friend? - January 26th 2011, 10:22 PM

Hi there,

It's nice to have a good friend and it's normal to be attached like that. However, you must learn that your happiness shouldn't be dependent on one person only. In this case, it's your best friend. She's angry at you for reasons that we don't know for sure and it's hurting you more than it should. My advice to you is to be less attached to her so that you don't become disappointed when she gets angry with you. Perhaps you can make other friends to distract your mind. As to why she's angry, we can't know for sure and you'll have to give more details.

I hope that helped,
D
   
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SnapCracklePop Offline
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Re: Sort of obsessed with my best friend? - January 29th 2011, 09:28 PM

thanks for helping, i really appreciate it.
I think i've figured out i'm too dependant on other people to make me feel worth something.
   
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Re: Sort of obsessed with my best friend? - January 29th 2011, 11:37 PM

Hi, I don't think you're obsessed at all, I think you probably have low self esteem which has led you to look for approval from someone who you think quite highly of. I also think that your friend is probably feeling somewhat suffocated because you keep trying to please her. This is where she could be a better friend, she could sit you down and talk to you, tell you why she's irritated and what the two of you can do to rectify the situation.

But don't allow yourself to be used for someone to vent on just because she's had a bad day, she knows how important she is to you so perhaps she could be treating you badly knowing full well that you're not going anywhere.

Friendships MUST be equal otherwise they end up crumbling. Focus more on yourself, your family, look closer to home to feel wanted and important. Tell the people who care about you how you've been feeling and stop bending over backwards to please others. Just be you, the real you and if your friend doesn't like it then you're better off without her. Build healthy relationships with closeness but also independence, that way you never ever have to rely on someone else to validate who you are because you alone will be enough to do that.

I hope you feel better.


"The healthy man does not torture others. Generally, it is the tortured who turn into torturers" - Carl Jung.
   
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Re: Sort of obsessed with my best friend? - January 30th 2011, 11:45 AM

thank you so much, i think you're right! <3
   
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Re: Sort of obsessed with my best friend? - January 30th 2011, 04:56 PM

Heyy.

I guess i kinda know how you feel, i've got a friend who i've known since reception - i'm now in year 11. I don't think you're obssessed, i just think you look upto your friend, and kinda' see her as a better person than you are. I think all you need to remember is that you're an amazing friend for her aswell, and by reading your post it really seems that you are. there's nothin wrong with that, but you should remember that you are equal to her. friendships great as long as it's not bringing you down.

- H. x


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Re: Sort of obsessed with my best friend? - January 30th 2011, 11:11 PM

Annie, I am sorry you are having to go through this. You deserve so much more from a "best friend". Is there any way you can take a break from her? Just walk away for a while. Spend more time with other friends and family. Maybe she will wake up, see what she is about to lose and start treating you like a valued best friend. Best friends are hard to come by believe me I know, but real friends do not put you down.

Last edited by luvflamingos; January 30th 2011 at 11:20 PM.
   
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Re: Sort of obsessed with my best friend? - January 31st 2011, 05:32 PM

thanks for helping
i'm just feeling so pathetic at the moment...
   
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