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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
SparklingWine Offline
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To let go, or not to let go? - February 1st 2011, 09:46 PM

This is going to be long, I think. So, bear with me.


Hey there everyone. I don't normall post threads anymore, but I feel like I should right now.

I have this friend. I have known her since the third grade, and we have been best friends since. I am now in college, and she is working full time as a house keeper. She also has a relationship. She is completely in love with the guy. That is great! And I have all my other issues.

Lately, we have been falling apart. We will go like a few weeks of not takling, she will get mad at me for not making an effort, I apologize, we make up, then the process starts all over again. She always says that I don't make enough of an effort, and that if I want to talk or hang out, I know her work hours. The thing is, she never makes an effrot either! She is always at work, or with her bf. I don't mind hanging out with the two of them, but not all the time. I like hanging out alone with her too. I won't ever bring this up to her, because she will simply deny it. I have been down that road before. Our interests, and commonalities are changing. And the more I think about it, the more I realize that we are completely different. She isn't the same person I knew before, and I am more than likely not the same person either.

Last night she posted a status on facebook saying: "I lost my best friend.. this happens too often."

People ressponded asking who. She then just said: "lynds". I was so mad that she said that on FB. Seriously, she needs to come to me when she has a problem.

I texted her saying: You didn't lose me.. I texted you twice asking if you wanted to hand out and you never replied.

She said: I never go the texts.

Me: Well, I sent it. Twice.
No response.

Then she put on her facebook: I am happy with the people in my life

So, my question and concerns for you: Is this friendship beyond repair? If it isn't, how do I break the cycle? Is this simply just a case of friends growing apart. I know that it's natural to grow apart. It just seems like it can't get better. We have tried, multiple times. I am at a loss in knowing what to do.

If you read this all, thank you. I really appreciate it.
I tried to break it up a bit so it wasn't a huge wall of text.


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Re: To let go, or not to let go? - February 1st 2011, 10:01 PM

It seems like you two are seperating on your own paths in life, you try to stay friends but for what? Because you've been friends for the past eleven years? I understand it's a hard issue to confront, but I think it would be best to close the door on the friendship.

You have enough on your plate, and she has work and boyfriend. You're going to college, she isn't. You guys live completely different lives, and while some people can manage the elementary-school friendships beyond high school, others can't.

But I would talk to her about it first. She can't just throw it all away, and neither can you, even if you both have drifted far apart. There's still a friendship and the issue should be resolved first.
   
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Re: To let go, or not to let go? - February 1st 2011, 11:44 PM

just be yourself and be nice. everything will fall into place the where it is supposed to (including people).
   
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Re: To let go, or not to let go? - February 2nd 2011, 12:10 AM

Hi there

I'm really sorry that your friendship seems to be on the rocks right about now... you're right, friends do grow apart; people change and their relationships change with them. But that doesn't mean that those relationships can't in fact change for the better. If she's been your best friend for this long, I'm guessing that the two of you have been through a lot together. This is going to sound cliche, but I've honestly done it plenty of times, and it's really helped me to get through to the people I care about in a way that couldn't be clearer... because bringing things up verbally, in my experience, can get emotional, and things are lost in interruptions or in quick make-ups that don't really eliminate the underlying problems. I'd write her a letter... kick it old-school, and send it by post. Telling her how you feel about the situation... everything that you've said here... and telling her how glad you are that you're best friends, memories, what you love about her, all that...but that you'd actually like for it to last, and that obviously you two aren't connecting the way that it seems that you'd both like to. That way you'll get to say everything you want, and hopefully she'll respond to what would obviously have been a real effort. If she doesn't respond to this in a way that a friend should... with kindness, consideration, and respect, which is nothing less than you deserve... then I think you'll seriously have your answer.
<3 I hope that helped.
I'm always around if you need anything.
-Ada.
   
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