How do you go about making new friends?

[cho]

I'm a somewhat shy person who feels uncomfortable and nervouse in large social situations. I've always stuck to having a few close friends. But i'm in a time in my life (applying to university..my busy job..having a relationship..) that a lot of my friends have drifted and I dont feel as close with them as I used to be. This sounds somewhat depressing but I really only have one great friend, excluding my boyfriend. But now, as I sit alone on a friday night, bored, I cant help but wonder, how do I meet more people? I'm lonely. I'm not anti-social or awkward. I suppose I just have a difficult time making friends and finding people I enjoy being around.

I know a lot of people think, "Get involved with groupd in your community!" But that's a lot harder then it sounds. I cant find any groups. I'm already going to a gym so i'm not interested in joining a sport. I feel too busy with my job and school.

Does anyone have any tips on how to meet people?

[Cabron]

Have you tried going to meet people at your gym? I know meeting someone at a gym can be a bit awkward, especially if they don't know you from Adam. But it's worth a shot, especially if you really want friends.
Another good thing you could try is getting to know the workers at a place you frequent often. That could be your neighborhood grocery store, a bookstore you go to a lot or yes, your gym! Those people probably see you a lot and they're trained to be friendly, so there's less chance of awkwardness. Good luck! Oh, and p.s. I'll be your friend too

[MiataMike]

Im exactly the same, but without the relationship. I always have had a close group of friends that are now drifting in the time before uni, after high school.

I have a hard time making friends, but i find the best way is to just smile and make small talk to begin with. Maybe poke fun at yourself? It makes you seem like someone down to earth. I dont know. If i meet people and we click, then we get along, if we dont - sayonara senorita!

[sfhdweb]

So nice posts I really enjoyed it .Thanks everyone for sharing great ideas.

[puala__koala]

dont worry, im with you there. im a senior in high school and im finding that im loosing most of my "friends". its really sad. like i get myself to paint so i can bear the pain but all that does is it alienates me even more from others. like literally most of the people i talk to outside of school are druggies who just wanna get high or do hard drugs with me (and i hate to say it but i need to stop because im getting a little too close to my narcotics. im closer to oxies than i am to anyone else, like im doing them by myself when i get really upset).

[Snufkin]

I'm very shy and socially awkward as well, but I have a good bunch of friends. Honestly, I got to know most of them over Facebook. Just last week I was with a friend on the train going to college when she met one of her friends. I didn't say much to her, but when I got home I added my friend's friend on Facebook and I made a new friend from chatting to her online. I find it less intimidating. If things go well, then you'll be more comfortable to talk to them next time you see them. If they don't, oh well, it's only an online conversation and you didn't exactly lose anything over it.

I've never understood the advice to go to groups or social clubs or whatever. If you're shy, you're not gonna do that, and even if you did, you'd spend most of the time feeling very anxious. I find it easier making friends outside of groups, just one to one.

[OMFG!You'reActuallySmart!]

As long as I can remember, I've never been shy in settings, whether it's going to a new school or meeting family members 5 times my age for the first time. When I go to talk to someone whom I don't know, I think no matter what comes of the interaction, whether I screw it up so badly or it becomes an amazing relationship, it's just one person and there are millions of others. I've tried going to events that I'm interested in and sometimes it works but I've found it's best to just have a chat with whomever is there. My reasoning is each interaction only betters my performance for later interactions and I can know what to do/not do when I meet subsequent people who have identical characteristics of someone previously met.

Some people do find it a bit weird because I would be in a completely different social group and sometimes also age and economic group. I have many friends who are pretty shy and I think one feature I've noticed of many of them, which may or may not be true for you guys also, is you can easily detect the nervousness in one's body language and it makes others question your nervousness, so the interaction becomes strained from the start.

You don't need to be involved in groups with your community to make friends, you just need to relax knowing whatever results of the interaction is only positive. You gain so much knowledge from people's body language, whether it's seeing someone look down and fidget with their feet to avoiding eye contact and mumbling softly. Perhaps it's a lack of confidence but relax first and don't be uptight before entering the interaction because the comfort you display will be transferred to the other person, making them more comfortable. You don't need to utter a sound for this to happen, it's all about body language. Then, you can initiate speech.

I've talked to random people who I found out were pretty shy and sometimes the conversation ended very fast but when I show I'm relaxed, have no anxiety or stress, usually it works out. I've made a bunch of my friends that way, I approached them somewhere on campus (elementary, high school or university) and just started talking, usually starting with how they find school and getting them to talk more than have me talk. Once they feel more comfortable after talking, then I talk and it's a smoother interaction.

Other times, I find mimicking their expressions to be very successful also because again, through body language alone, there's already a connection. When I talk or share my view, I sometimes mimic theirs (in fact we all do this subconsciously but some can enhance it by being consciously aware). You can do this at school or even at a mall. Sometimes when I'm at the mall and am walking around, I look at the body language people show along with the context, then if it seems comfortable, I'll move in sometimes mimicking their expressions along the way.