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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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heavenlyblissx Offline
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Jealous of my younger sister.... - February 12th 2011, 05:50 PM

Hi! I guess you could call this a rant but some advice would be nice Thank you for baring with me!

Ehm, like what the title says, I'm kinda....jealous of my younger sister. I know this sort of thing is quite common so could anybody experiecing the same thing as me give me some tips? I have a good relationship with my sister but I can't help but feel jealous sometimes!

Let's see, here's some background info. My younger sister (15 y.o) is only a year younger than me (16 y.o). So we tend to like the same things i.e. clothes, music and boys :P We both go to a girls' private school so there isn't much of a chance for dating.

I'm annoyed at the fact how all boys are just genuinely attracted to her more than to me. When we both meet a guy for the first time, they tend to chat to her more and usually I just stand at the side. It seems like she can converse with guys better than I can. And whenever we get asked to come out with guys (which is a pretty big thing for us) BOTH of us get asked or just my sister (and I know nothing about it).

My younger sister has a boyfriend now. It's ironic how I'm the one who really wants a bf and she told me she doesn't but she ends up having one anyway! Their relationship has been on and off for 2 years and they just got back together a few days ago. I find it sweet how persistent her boyfriend was in trying to get her back, and at the same time it made me feel jealous.

It's not that I like my sister's boyfriend (I have more self respect than that!) but he seems to have all the qualities I want in a boyfriend. I heard from girls in my year group that he's one of those popular guys (which makes it all the more sweet when he's dating my average (asian!) sister.) and he's extremely clever! He won this big debating competition at the scottish parliament and was on the newspaper and everything, and he's aiming for Oxbridge (which I would like my boyfriend from!). He's quite "perfect" by my standards and yet my sister told me that she doesn't really care (which really gets to me!)

I think the point is everything I want in life my sister gets it instead despite the fact that she doesn't want it! She has loads of friends who asks her to go to the cinema basically every weekend, and my own friends doesn't gives a rat's butt about me even if I died! I'm the one who wanted this gorgeous bracelet for xmas, but one of her friends got it for her instead! My idea bf is someone successful who goes to Oxbridge ( I have high expectations, ok?) and she's the one who has him instead! It's really unfair and frustrating

I feel sort of lonely...I'm already quite a nerd as I like doing well in school and everything. I don't have very many friends, let alone a boyfriend! But the fact that I'm so short (I'm 5ft 2) and I'm kinda stubby and quiet doesn't help me at all. I feel that in twenty years time she's going to be married and have a happy family and I'm going to be this loveless nerd who has nothing but her job (or not even that)

People tell me that I should be "proud" of her, which I am, but I can't help but feel a little jealous and sad.


I think the fact that Valentine's Day is coming up and she's going to be taken out by her boyfriend and I'm stuck at home revising for this biology test set me off

Thank you for reading this far and baring with me! I appreciate any help and experiences from people going through the same thing
   
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Re: Jealous of my younger sister.... - February 12th 2011, 07:08 PM

Hey there! Valentine's Day is tough for a lot of people (my roommates included). I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time handling things at the moment, but I'll do the best I can to help!

Based on what I've read, there are two things that feed your jealousy - the fact that your sister gets everything you want, and the fact that she doesn't seem to appreciate any of it. I think it's important to separate the two, because the second point alone wouldn't make a normal person jealous... it would just make them angry! So it seems you're both jealous AND angry when looking at your sister's "perfect" life.

Unfortunately, anger will only prolong these feelings of jealousy, so try to let go of that anger. Your sister seems ungrateful - it's a shame, but that's HER loss, not yours. What business is it of yours if she doesn't appreciate all the wonderful things she has in life? If any emotions should be felt, it should be pity for your sister, not anger, because she may never enjoy life as thoroughly as you will.

So how can you deal with the first point (your sister getting everything you want) and overcome your jealousy? Perhaps it would be easier to first address what you SHOULDN'T do when jealous... and that is to keep dwelling upon how jealous you are. Easier said than done, I know. When your life appears empty, and your sister's life appears full, it's easy to make your sister's life the focus of attention. Essentially, your sister's life BECOMES your life, and that's not healthy.

Overcome your jealousy by creating the life you've always wanted. Focusing on schoolwork is great and all, but you're young... go have some fun! Your grades won't suffer from the occasional Saturday night party, believe me. =) Don't have friends you like? Try joining a club or get involved in an activity that you enjoy, and meet people who have similar interests to yours! Pick something that your sister ISN'T involved in, because the point is to separate your life from hers. Make friends on your own, not through your sister. Meet boys on your own, not through your sister. Develop goals for your own sake, not so you can "beat" your sister. I assure you that while this is all very difficult and time-consuming at first, you WILL become a happier person in the end, and you won't feel nearly as jealous about your sister.





   
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heavenlyblissx Offline
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Re: Jealous of my younger sister.... - February 18th 2011, 07:38 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by PSY View Post
Hey there! Valentine's Day is tough for a lot of people (my roommates included). I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time handling things at the moment, but I'll do the best I can to help!

Based on what I've read, there are two things that feed your jealousy - the fact that your sister gets everything you want, and the fact that she doesn't seem to appreciate any of it. I think it's important to separate the two, because the second point alone wouldn't make a normal person jealous... it would just make them angry! So it seems you're both jealous AND angry when looking at your sister's "perfect" life.

Unfortunately, anger will only prolong these feelings of jealousy, so try to let go of that anger. Your sister seems ungrateful - it's a shame, but that's HER loss, not yours. What business is it of yours if she doesn't appreciate all the wonderful things she has in life? If any emotions should be felt, it should be pity for your sister, not anger, because she may never enjoy life as thoroughly as you will.

So how can you deal with the first point (your sister getting everything you want) and overcome your jealousy? Perhaps it would be easier to first address what you SHOULDN'T do when jealous... and that is to keep dwelling upon how jealous you are. Easier said than done, I know. When your life appears empty, and your sister's life appears full, it's easy to make your sister's life the focus of attention. Essentially, your sister's life BECOMES your life, and that's not healthy.

Overcome your jealousy by creating the life you've always wanted. Focusing on schoolwork is great and all, but you're young... go have some fun! Your grades won't suffer from the occasional Saturday night party, believe me. =) Don't have friends you like? Try joining a club or get involved in an activity that you enjoy, and meet people who have similar interests to yours! Pick something that your sister ISN'T involved in, because the point is to separate your life from hers. Make friends on your own, not through your sister. Meet boys on your own, not through your sister. Develop goals for your own sake, not so you can "beat" your sister. I assure you that while this is all very difficult and time-consuming at first, you WILL become a happier person in the end, and you won't feel nearly as jealous about your sister.
Wow, that's pretty deep! Thank you very much!
   
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