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daniel_reese Offline
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constant fighting with my mom from seventh grade to the present - February 16th 2011, 01:24 AM

So in a nutshell, ever since I was 13, my grades have been staying at a pretty mediocre level (I usually pull out something around 2 A's, 3 B's, maybe a C here and there with some variation in between) and it's been a constant source of conflict between me and my mom. she's done a whole lot for me being a single mother and I get choked up thinking about how much of a disappointment I must have been lately.

However, the new issue is my maturity and/or work ethic. it came to a head today when I missed an appointment with a driving instructor because our class was held late after the bell for some reason. I was supposed to meet him outside at 3:45 but didn't get out of class until 3:43. with the time it took to collect my things and go, he had already left. I called my mom after waiting outside until about 4:15 or 4:20 and she called him back only to be basically told off by the guy. he was just REALLY pissed off and acted like I basically stood him up or something which couldn't be farther from the truth; I had every intention of going with him but my schedule took an unexpected turn for the worst today and I had no way of contacting him to tell him this.

I figured that it would go down as an unfortunate misunderstanding, but not much else, there really wasn't much else I could do in this situation. apparently, she feels differently and went berserk as soon as I got into the car. somehow, this ended up being one of the most disrespectful things I'd ever done and she saw it as a pattern (citing examples of when I hadn't hung up some laundry and had to be reminded last night to take out the trash) and also decided that I was too lazy to be worth much. I'll be the first to admit that there are times where I certainly lack motivation, but I generally keep on top of my schoolwork, I don't drink, I've never touched drugs in my life, and I stay active playing two sports interscholastically in spring/fall and one inter-mural during the winter. back to my main story, she now feels so strongly about this that she won't even sit down to eat dinner with me for the first time in my entire life. I've apologized and made it clear that my intent was never to disrespect anyone, but she just says "well see that's the thing, you did!" and lectures me about my immaturity.

I really have no idea what to do, tomorrow's going to be hell unless I do something about this, does anyone have any advice? I feel sick all the time and I can't think straight. thanks in advance.

Last edited by daniel_reese; February 16th 2011 at 02:09 AM.
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Re: constant fighting with my mom from seventh grade to the present - February 16th 2011, 02:22 AM

Hello, Daniel. Welcome to TeenHelp! =)

If you don't want tomorrow to "be hell", then I suggest you put all your time and effort into coming up with ways to improve your work ethic and break your bad habits of forgetting to do stuff in a timely fashion. Based on what I've seen, this is pretty much a basic aspect of growing up and taking on more responsibilities. At sixteen years old, your mom is expecting you to carry more of the family burden, both for her sake and for yours.

If you forget to do chores, write a "to-do" list and place it somewhere that will ensure you see it throughout the day... like the bathroom mirror. Write down specific tasks AND times/days, and as soon as you see you have something to do, do it. Mark it off, then carry on until you have something else that needs to be done around the house. Do this with EVERYTHING... schoolwork, appointments, errands, etc. If you have a phone, try programming everything in so you receive alerts, or buy one of those desk calendars (the big kind that lies on your desk next to your computer) and write things down on there. Trust me, it does wonders if you actually stick with it. =)

After a while, actions begin to speak louder than words. You can't just keep apologizing to your mom every time you forget to do something... because after a while, those words will mean nothing to her, and every time you don't do something correctly, she will feel you are being disrespectful. That's why you need to start planning TONIGHT, and start acting TOMORROW. Let your mom see that you're serious about getting things together, and keep doing things on a consistent basis over the next couple of weeks. After a while, your mom WILL see the difference, and I'm sure she'll be all-too-eager to forgive you then. =)

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