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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Catherine Offline
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Friend difficulty :/ - February 18th 2011, 11:55 AM

So my very best friend has decided that she hates one of my other friends. My best friend's name is Amanda and the other friend's name is Rainey. I'm closer with Amanda than I am with Rainey, but Amanda talks about how she simply hates Rainey all the time, and whenever Amanda sees Rainey, she gets very sour and walks away.

Amanda is certainly not completely unreasonable for disliking Rainey. Rainey is one of the most dramatic primadonnas I've ever known, but I've known her for longer than Amanda and decided that the good things about her are worth being her friend for, even when you have to suffer through her drama and just generally some of her bad friend tendencies.

Amanda has gotten very used to hating Rainey. Amanda was hanging out with some of our other friends (I wasn't there) and Rainey and her friend (Sloan) came along. It was at a lake at school, and one of the rules was to not walk out on the ice because it might break. Amanda and some of our other friends were doing that and Rainey and Sloan were just watching, along with 2 other people. When the principal came by, she yelled and said everyone was getting detention. Rainey later went up to the principal and said, "I didn't do it! It was only Amanda and Person X and Person Y that was on the ice" and Rainey didn't get detention. This happened a week ago, and yesterday morning, Amanda seemed upset so I asked her what was wrong. She said "Hmm, I wonder" very sarcastically like I should have known. It took me 5 minutes to realize she was still skulking about how much she thought Rainey was a snitch for ratting her out to the principal.

Keep in mind that I like Rainey, she's also my friend. Amanda's very hateful behavior has been hurting me recently but that's also kinda who Amanda is, so I've decided over the years that I can handle that, too, and continue to be her friend. But I want to hang out with Rainey this weekend because I haven't for a while, and I can only imagine how infuriated Amanda would be if she found out.

Sorry for the reeeeally long post. Can anyone give me some ideas about how to do this? I know there won't be one good solution, but if you just have some tips. Thanks

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Last edited by PSY; February 18th 2011 at 04:43 PM. Reason: Moved thread to "Friends and Family" forum.
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Heathen Offline
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Re: Friend difficulty :/ - February 18th 2011, 02:31 PM

It's not up to you to appease your friends. If you want to hang out with Rainey then hang out with Rainey. Amanda will just have to find a way to deal with it on her own.

For you not to do things because Amanda might be angry says a lot about your friendship with her. I know you said you can handle her being hurtful because "that's who she is," but if a friend is hurting you then she isn't really being a friend. You deserve better than to be pushed around or treated poorly, if that is what is going on.

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difficulty, friend

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