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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Arguing over a rumour :/ - February 20th 2011, 02:42 PM

I have recently had a huge a argument with one of my best friends because she heard a rumour that I was doing drugs, so she decided to blank me because "she cared". All this did was make me feel lonely and rejected beacause she went off with all our friends and I was left on my own and I'm very shy so it's hard for me to mix with people I dont know very well. I tried to make up with her but we just ended up arguing again and now we're not talking. I really want to be friends again but at the same time I'm not going to apologize or say it was all my fault because she really hurt me by believeing those rumours over me and she said some very hurtful stuff. What should I do?
   
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Re: Arguing over a rumour :/ - February 20th 2011, 03:44 PM

Hey,

Rumors suck, don't they? I've been accused of saying/doing so many things, and I barely go to school. Sometimes it's really easy to get caught up in them, even if you're good friends with the person they are about. Even if you're upset with what your friend did, I think there's validity in the statement that she was worried about you. She might not have handled it as best as she should have, but I'm sure she did care and that should be what really matters.

In order for the two of you to move on from this one of you has to let go of the anger you hold for the other. Seeing as we can't somehow magically talk sense into her and get her to let go of her anger without an argument, my best best is that it's probably going to be you. Sure, you don't feel that you're the one in the wrong here, but chances are neither does she. One of you has to be the one to put this behind you first.

Once you aren't so angry with her, approach her again and let her know that you're sorry for the arguments and that you were angry with her but aren't any longer, and that you realize she was only trying to be a good friend (even if she didn't do the right thing. but don't say that, obviously). You might not feel like you have anything to apologize for, but sometimes keeping friendships means apologizing for things we never even thought we did wrong.

I hope this helped, and that the two of you make up soon! Good luck.





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Re: Arguing over a rumour :/ - February 20th 2011, 04:28 PM

Heyy.

I know what it's like to be targeted with a rumour too. some things people say are ridiculous and i dont think people realise (and if they do they're just a bit dim for not stopping) what they do to peoples lives.

if you and your friend were very close to start off with, maybe you could try talking to her? ask her calmly if you can sit down and discuss, as grown ups, what happened, then you can striaghten things out. good friends go through rough patches but the great thing is that because you care and love eachother, you can get yourselves out of them if you're mature about it.

I know frustration is hard to over come when the discussion gets heated and you both get wound up, but take a few deep breaths, and remind her that you also care and you dont want your friendship to end over something like this.

then when things are going ok, an appology from both of you would be the best way round it in my opinion. dont get caught up thinking that you've done nothing wrong because it doesnt matter. you're both friends, and therefore the two of you should be able to appologise to eachother, simply because it shows you regret the argument happening.

i hope you sort things out, its terrible when friends argue xx


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Re: Arguing over a rumour :/ - February 20th 2011, 09:02 PM

Just tell her it's not true. If she still believes it is, she's a moron and you can do better.
   
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Re: Arguing over a rumour :/ - February 20th 2011, 09:25 PM

If you know what started the rumour then you could try addressing those situations and show her why the rumours are false. Saying "they're false, I swear" is only going to work if your friends either is very gullible or has a lot of faith in you. If you want to approach her, don't do it with anger because that's only going to make her respond with anger. If she approaches you with anger, then be calm. Try to look at it from her view and see what parts of the rumours make her believe it's true. She could be a very rational person who is intelligent but she could believe the rumour because of who told it to her or a situation in it is something she thinks is typical you'd be in. Dismissing her as being stupid then try to get her to trust you is not going to work at all.

Alternatively, if she lets you, try to talk with her about something but whatever the topic is, make it not about the rumour. Have her know it's just like 2 strangers talking or 2 acquitances talking and pretend the rumour doesn't exist. Doing this may have her re-establish more trust, loyalty and friendship strength with you so she can be more inclined to listen to you reason why the rumour is false OR to just have you say to her to forget about the rumour, remember the past experiences (hopefully they're positive) you two had together. Have her value those more than one small thing, regardless if it is true or not.

Once people see you two together, a new rumour may form or people would think it's false because you two are together. The latter depends on the contents of the rumour. Your friend may also stick up for you in debunking the rumour or having people trust your words more than the words of whoever made the rumour.


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