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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Confused_teen Offline
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Did I do something wrong? - February 21st 2011, 02:51 PM

My friend's behaviour confuses me. We have been friends for a year and a half, and best friends for about a year. Everything was going great, we saw each other every day, tell each other everything until last Christmas. Day before I was supposed to go home, we were supposed to see each other but that didin't happen. She said she was busy and that we couldn't see each other. I asked her if it was my fault and she said no and was I doing this just because we didn't see each other that day. I said no. She told me if I didin't stop making suxh a fuss about this, I'd lose all my friends. After the holidays, I knew she was in town but she didn't answer any of my calls or messages. After two days we saw each other and everything was ok. After that, she started studying for 3 really hard exams and I left her alone. She didn't reply to my messages or phone calls but I thought it was ok because she was studying. She would sometimes write me a message on msn, asked me to go and get coffee (we didin't go because she spent a day in bed). She phoned me yesterday, I think the conversation went well although I spoke more than her or maybe I didn't, I really don't know, I'm so confused. Today, I saw she was online and wrote her a message and she just put busy. She's coming back to town next Monday, I told her to call me when she comes back. She's kind of person that likes to spend time alone but this is a strange situation to me because I think she's avoiding me. I know she is very busy with college, her mum and dad are pressuring her, but why can't she reply to me message, and, like I said, before all this we would see each other every day. If I mention her something, I'm afraid she'll think I'm pressuring her or that I'm crazy(just like before holidays). Anyway, what would I say: Are you bored with me?
Do you think I'm overreacting and all this is connected with college and studying?
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Re: Did I do something wrong? - February 21st 2011, 03:11 PM


It's hard to tell just what's going on with your friend, so you're probably going to have to be careful with what you say. She might be avoiding you, and she might not be. I would try asking her "We haven't talked much lately and I just wanted to make sure you're okay and not spending too much time studying!" If you make it seem like you're asking because you're concerned about her, she'll probably have a more positive reaction. Another thing is try not to wait for her to make plans. I have a friend who isn't always quick to make plans, but when I mention something, give a date and a time, then she pretty much always says yes. So you might want to see if that works too. I hope everything turns out for you two. Good luck.

A lonely soul in a land of broken hearts

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Re: Did I do something wrong? - February 21st 2011, 03:17 PM

I know it's tricky situation and I'm not the most objective person so I needed to tell someone or my head woulld explode.
When we talked yesterday I told her exactly what you wrote: ''Hey, where are you, it just like you disappeared into thin air, I'm concerned''. She laughed and said she'd been working night shift for the past week. I told her it was like she just isolated from the rest of the world. And she said :''Well, pretty much'' and laughed. I don't know why she put a sign busy on msn when I sent her a message but now I really want to know if she'll call me when she comes back or I'll have to do it.
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Re: Did I do something wrong? - February 21st 2011, 08:16 PM

If she is at college and has done some exams/tests, it's likely she made some friends, studying partners, acquitenaces, etc... in those courses. It's quite possible and occurs pretty often for others also so she may be with those new people. They may have common interests both academically and outside of academics which creates a strong bond between them. I'm assuming she does not have this bond with you because you don't seem to be in the same courses she is in. Students often have to work while in college and she may be doing this, putting her academic career and new friends at a higher priority because they are newer and therefore more interesting. You also mentioned she is having things to do with her parents and if they are stressful, they can take up time for her meaning she has less free time. Again, if her new friends have similar situations, she may go to them as opposed to you because they can appreciate the situations.

This is a guess however if she has new friends or not. Alternatively, she's isolated herself into a focus only on academics and doing whatever is immediately necessary, such as work and studying. Unfortunately, you wouldn't be immediately necessary as you don't seem to be in college nor are in the same situations she is in. For example, asking you to get her coffee. She may know that since you're not in college, when you begin talking to her about your courses and recent experiences, they are not going to be about something she can relate to.

It seems like your friendship is weakening quite a lot and when people go to college, often friendships break. It doesn't seem like it's broken though, just weakened.

You could try being very direct and ask her if she wants to temporarily suspend the relationship to see if she shares these same feelings.

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Re: Did I do something wrong? - February 21st 2011, 08:29 PM

I hope I'll be able to explain this: I graduated from college (the same college my friend goes to) almost two years ago, found a job and stayed in the same city (yes, I know that my nickname doesn't seem like that but I sometimes do feel like a teenager). She studies in this city and she took a free year to pass her exams. I know her courses are very demanding. Her parents aren't satisfied with her college and she had to study. And that's what she did for the past month, at least I hope so. Yes, she met some new people but, as she isn't so sociable, I know all her friends and sometimes we go out. A strange thing to me is that she didn't reply to my calls or messages, or when she did, they were short. She said she studied. She's coming back in a week and I hope she'll call me so everything can go back as is used to be. I just hope I'm imagining things-I'm very insecure person when it comes to friends as I had some awful experiences.
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