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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Harmony♥ Offline
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Can't get over it.... - February 22nd 2011, 04:28 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Let me start off with the beginning: When I was 9, my mom started dating this guy. He seemed great, and of course, being 9 years old, I was happy to finally have a 'father figure' in my life. We moved in with him into an apartment, and it was exciting. For the first time in my life, I got my own room, my own bed! It was pure bliss for a 10 year old (I was 10 when we moved in with him).
By the time I was 13, and had hit puberty and boobs were growing, I started noticing something different in the man I had come to know as my father. My mom loved taking baths for her quiet time so she could read and relax after a long day's work and I would go and sit in the living room with him to watch TV and to have someone to talk too. Before I knew it, he would start taking out his penis, and masturbating in front of me.
Being 13 years old, I was absolutely terrified.
Now, fast forward 8 years, and here I am at 20. At 17, I finally got enough nerve to move out of that house, and moved in with my grandparents. In May, my mom moved in with us too, since he kicked her out. It's nice having my mom back, but....
I can't get over what happened. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years, and sometimes I can't help but compare him to my mom's ex. I'm thinking about getting professional help, but I can't afford to do so, so I thought I'd try here first. It's beginning to control my life and I'm starting to worry it's going to ruin my relationship with my boyfriend. That child molester already ruined my relationship with my mom as she always chose him over me (hence why I moved out cause she would do nothing). I tried telling her about what happened but chose to believe him instead of me.
I don't want this to control my life anymore. But, sometimes, it's hard to think I can get over it.
I'm not sure this thread should be in here and if you need to move it, feel free. But, this was a good as any place to start. Please help me. I really need it.











I may wear the glass slippers; But my hero wears combat boots <3 I love you, Lieutenant




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Re: Can't get over it.... - February 22nd 2011, 10:27 AM

First of all, I'm really sorry you had to go through all this Some people are really disgusting! It is a good thing that you're thinking about getting a professional help because I think it is definitely something you need to talk about. If you're going to college, you can get a free help there or I'm sure there are some free clinics-look it up on the Internet, I'm sure you'll find something. You can't keep everything to yourself. Also, I know this is probably the hardest part, but try to pluck up courage and tell your mom, I know it didin't work out well at first, but be persistent, sit with her somewhere quietly and tell her everything again. She's your mom and and she'll have to believe you. I know it's pretty hard to get over something like this but, if you find some professional to talk to him/her about it, you'll succeed
   
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Re: Can't get over it.... - February 22nd 2011, 06:44 PM

Thank you! I appreciate your response.
I don't want to tell my mom because even though she is mad and angry that he left her and kicked her out and literally a week after, he remarried his ex wife, she is still hung up on him. She talks about him constantly, and the Kenny Chesney song 'Somewhere With You' is literally playing all day long when she is around.
I just got my relationship back with my mom and I don't want to ruin that again by telling her what happened. I won't tell my grandparents, because it would just kill them and I'm pretty sure my sister knew that something was up. We'd always argue and while I haven't told her outright, I think she got the gist of the idea.
The only person who truly, truly knows besides my mother is my boyfriend. He is doing everything in his power to help me as much as he can. I'm taking it day by day, trying not to be so angry with the people who had nothing to do with it. And, when I see my mom's ex now, I just think of how disgusting he is, and wonder "Does he do this to his wife's children too?".
It's going to take some time but I'm determined to not let it control my life anymore. I am giving myself this vow.











I may wear the glass slippers; But my hero wears combat boots <3 I love you, Lieutenant




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Re: Can't get over it.... - February 22nd 2011, 10:04 PM

I'm really glad you're so determined to get your life back because no matter what that monster did, you can get over it, you know it's not you who should be ashamed but him, he's the monster. And I'm also glad you found a person you trust enough to tell him something like that and that he helps you. Whenever you need to talk, talk to him or just write in your diary. I found it's a great way of dealing with things. If you' re still willing to seek a professional help it's a good idea. He/she can help you a lot, I went to see a psychologist and she helped me, when I left her office I felt like I coulld achieve everything.
And I'm sorry to hear that about your mom, I know it's tough but I think you made a good decision not to tell her anything. You have a boyfriend and you can see a psychologist, you're getting out of this, I have faith in you
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Harmony♥ Offline
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Jeez, get a life!
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Re: Can't get over it.... - February 23rd 2011, 04:47 AM

Thanks so much for the added support. Believe me, it's super appreciated.
As I would love to get proffesional help on the subject, medical insurance is basicaly non-existent in my life right now and I'm currently not working, which sucks, but I learned that lesson real quick. So, trying to find someone to help with someone for financially unstable would be a definate hard thing to do. But, of course, I am definately open to it if I can't handle things on my own.
But, I'm determined to try. I got help from a school counselor after I took a bad plunge into the unknown world of drugs after it seriously took over my life and she helped me as much as she could but obviously, I couldn't stay in school forever and we eventually had to part ways. I tried to keep in contact with her, and one of the counselor's also works at the Pillar's Rehab center that's literally down the street from where I live. I could always stop in to see her, but I'm sure she'd expect payment no matter if I knew her from before or not.
But, like I said, I'm determined to try things out on my own. I've taken up yoga, since I've heard it's a major stress reliever, and I find to pretty good at it. I find myself having a lot less angry outburts at people (except for today when I was trying to see if my Military Ball dress was altered okay, and my grandma stabbed me with the coat hanger...not on purpose, but now I have a nasty gash on my cheek! Wonderful when I have to look spectacular Saturday!). LOL! But, with yoga, I feel more calm!











I may wear the glass slippers; But my hero wears combat boots <3 I love you, Lieutenant




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