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xdismal.angelx Offline
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How do I get him to open up? - February 24th 2011, 03:00 AM

I'm not sure if this should go here or in relationships & dating, so if its in the wrong place just move it.

Last week one of my ex friend's ex boyfriends (Derrick) started talking to me again. We hung out for the first time in 3 years last thursday. Then again saturday. Saturday we ended up having sex and he was my first, which he knew he was going to be, and was fine with it. After he left saturday night he was fine. He's been in a really bad mood since sunday and won't talk about whats wrong. When I ask him he just says he's dealing with somethings, so I asked him if he wanted to come over and get away from it for awhile. He said its not something he can get away from. He won't say anything else and I don't want to push him into telling me or have him push me away, but I don't know what else to do. I've tried telling him he can talk me if he wants to and he just said he doesn't want to talk about it. He's the first guy I've really liked since my fiance left me for someone else in July. He's not going to deal with it by keeping it to himself. I know from experiance. I keep things to myself til it builds up and I break down. How do I get him to open up to me without pushing him into it?
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Re: How do I get him to open up? - February 24th 2011, 11:38 AM

You want him to open up with something that sounds like a large issue with you after not long being back together.

Just let him know that you are available to talk to him, which you have done already, and give him time. It may feel like it is something about you, but you don't know so there is no point worrying about it until he says it to you.

And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space...'cos there's bugger-all down here on Earth

Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.
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SparklingWine Offline
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Re: How do I get him to open up? - March 3rd 2011, 05:29 PM

Hey there,

I am sorry to hear about your friend. The best you can do is tell him that you're there for him, and then drop it. The more you push for him to open up, the more he is going to pull away. I know for me that when people push at me to talk to them, and open up, that makes me want to shell away even more. When he wants to talk to you, and if he wants to talk to you-- he will. He knows that you're there for him. But the fact of the matter is-- you can't get him to talk. It's as simple as that. He is going to do what he wants to do. And as much as that suck, it happens.

You're right, bottling things up never helps. It's always better to open up. But he might not be ready for it yet. We all hit a time where we are ready to open up, and he just isn't there, seemingly. Also, we all deal with things differently. What makes you feel better, might not make him feel better. You never know, he could actually be talking to someone else, and opening up to them. he may be dealing with this in other ways that doesn't include talking to others.

I think that you're a great friend for wanting to be there. And it seems as though you really like him. I think that you shouldn't have sex with him, or engage in a relationship until he has his stuff worked out. This will put drama in the relationship from the very start, and I know that you don't want that. Plus, he might just need a friend right now. And don't worry about him talking to you or opening up. Because the truth is-- he probably takes comfort knowing that you're there for him, and that he isn't alone. That in and of itself is a HUGE help.

Best of luck!
-Lyndsee :]

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