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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Pelios Offline
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Work. - March 8th 2011, 09:07 PM

Work.
Everyone at my work hates me, well everyone upstairs which are 12 people. I try to get along with everyone I say good morning when I arrive, I sometimes bring them breakfast and they just don’t like me except for 2 people which are the new ones. The negative energy towards me drains me out, I walk up stairs and you can feel the negative energy going on. I’m having a good day and I walk up stairs and it’s like a slap in the face, it kills my mood.
The other day a co-worker (one of the two people that like me) showed me a voice recorder that he had recorded, it was a conversation with another worker and that worker was going on about how much he disliked me and how I never do anything and blah blah blah. It just hurts me that he said those things about me because I really did have respect for him.
I haven’t gone to work in a week because of the negative energy there is. Any help? Any advice on what I can do so people don’t hate me? I'm out of ideas.


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Re: Work. - March 9th 2011, 12:35 AM

How important is this job to you, in the grand scheme of things? Is it relevant to your future career? If not, I would start looking for other opportunities. It may take a few months of job-hunting, but you're bound to find something eventually. You COULD complain to your supervisor/management... but you can't MAKE people like you. You can only make them stop harassing you - and to be honest, you'll probably still get the cold shoulder and feel like crap every day when you come in to work. So unless you absolutely, positively need this job, I would just start looking elsewhere.

If you must stay, I would try talking to your co-workers one-on-one. It may be a long shot, but who knows, it just might work for some of your more reasonable co-workers. I would suggest face-to-face contact, vs. e-mail. Let them see that you are a person, and that you are hurt by what's going on. Rather than being hostile or playing the "pity" card, however, ask them what you can do to make amends with your co-workers. You want to come across as a sincere, genuine human being, as it is much harder to be hurtful toward someone whom you feel you can connect with.





   
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Re: Work. - March 9th 2011, 01:59 AM

Andrea,

I have to agree with Robin. If the job is affecting you in a negative way, then you're best off to go searching for another one. I think that you should look for a job, but keep the job you have now until you are able to find a new one. I would go to your supervisor directly with this problem. Also bring up the negativity in the office. Your supervisor might have good ways to make it more positive. I don't mean to sound like a broken record here but you can't make your co workers like you. You can always go up to them explain the vibe you are getting from them, and ask why they don't care for you. You can possibly work on those things that they talk about to you. In your efforts of trying to make them like you, you don't want to appear fake. Or like you are trying too hard. Also, reflect on your activity and behavior at work and try to see if there are any small or large things that you are missing that you could work on.


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Re: Work. - March 9th 2011, 03:17 AM

Thanks for the advice. =)
I'm studying engineering and this job is engineering related everyone there is an engineer or architect I work part-time. My supervisor is my father; I work for him in his company. But I don’t want to seem like the girl who goes to daddy when things don’t go right. I have told him before about the negative energy I feel but he just tells me to learn to get along with other people (which I do fine up till my co-workers). I could look for another job but places that are willing to take in a part-time uni student are very limited. I’m going to talk to one of them tomorrow (one at a time) and find out what’s going on.


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Re: Work. - March 10th 2011, 11:22 PM

Today I asked a co-worker why I felt such negative energy when I come to work and she just pulled the card of "I don't hate you" =/
and she didn't know why I felt "out".


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Re: Work. - March 10th 2011, 11:39 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by México View Post
Today I asked a co-worker why I felt such negative energy when I come to work and she just pulled the card of "I don't hate you" =/
and she didn't know why I felt "out".
Is this one of the co-workers who is especially rude toward you? Or does this co-worker just seem to mimic the other co-workers' behavior? It could be that this co-worker really doesn't hate you, but doesn't want to stand out by talking to you, either. Or this co-worker could genuinely be out of the loop, and not be aware of the situation (unlikely, but hey, I'm the kind of person who doesn't get involved with dramatic situations at work... maybe this person is the same way).

If she said she doesn't hate you, then why not start talking to her more often, as if nothing is wrong? Be friendly, but don't come across as desperate. If you're still getting the cold shoulder after a week or two, you could say, "Hey, I've been trying to get to know my co-workers better, but it doesn't seem to be working. Do you have any suggestions? Am I doing something wrong?"

Finally... I hate to say it, but maybe the fact that your father is the boss is causing some of this treatment. No, it's not right - but if a co-worker even SUSPECTS there is some favoritism or leniency because you're the boss' daughter, you're bound to get the cold shoulder. Look at the work you do, then look at the work your co-workers are doing. Does it feel like you're pulling your weight, or do you feel you could take on some more tasks? Perhaps you could offer to assist a co-worker with a project, to show that you don't feel you're "above" them due to your "connection". Heck, pick someone who seems to be especially cold toward you!





   
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