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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
DarkKristi Offline
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BFF Break-up - March 10th 2011, 02:35 AM

I just broke up with my 3 years long best friends.
I guess I caused it and deserve it, but it's hard.
I made a mistake...I've 'changed'. So I have to live with it.

After I got my current boyfriend, I started to push my friends away.
Only going to them when I have guy problems or study problems.
I understand that this hurts them, and that I have been a bully last week.

I have already admitted my fault and asked for their forgiveness.
The only problem is me...
They have been advoiding me, not letting me talk to them about this problems... I guess that's how I started to try and force their forgiveness and a chance. I know that now, and regret it.
But I came to my senses too late.
I've pushed them far enough, they will never come back.
I will never catch up to them...Even if I do, with the situation like this, everything will never be back to normal.

That's why I made the choice of just breaking up with them.
But they are the first friends I had since I came to China.
We've been best friends for 3 years and are the only ones that I have.
It hurts to have to make this decision, but I know that it's for the best.

I asked them for one last favor though.
That since we can't be best friends nor friends, that we be classmates.
Just plain classmates.

It hurts me to think of this, but it's the right choice, right?
I mean, in just a few months, I will be off to America for University and they will be in Hong Kong.


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- Type O Negative

"I know, i'll die that night. And i won't be brought back to life. i know."
- AFI

"Giving up is really about honoring your feelings. It's about giving up trying to force yourself into a mold of societal shoulds and embracing your true self."
- Dan DeVille
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: BFF Break-up - March 10th 2011, 08:44 AM

Depending how strained the relationships were, it may have been inevitable that they'd break up with you or you break up with them. If neither of you three broke it up, it'd be a strained relationship and you'd be off on another continent so it'd probably break up through that. I think it is good though that you stepped up and took responsibility for what you did, tried to repair the damage then tried to make it as least hurtful for all 3 of you. To me, that's right.

However, you're off to America and you're going to make friends there so try not to carry your feelings from this when you go to make friends in America. Don't drag along the extra baggage. Perhaps after the school year is over, you can have a get-together to say good-bye to each other without a big elaborate party because if you've been together for 3 years, chances are they'll still be willing to say good-bye assuming you don't keep straining the relationships.


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: BFF Break-up - March 10th 2011, 05:27 PM

Hey there,

It takes a lot of strength to admit your faults. I'm really proud of you for that. Many people won't do that, do to be in denial. As much as letting them go hurt you, you must've learned a huge lesson with all of this. You have to prioritize, and make room for everyone included in your life. You also you learned that actions speak louder then words. There are just tons of small valuable lessons to be learned from this. Just reflect on it, and see what there is you can learn.

When you go back to America, consider it a fresh start. Sometimes friendships have to end so we can grow, and mature. Friends are there to be there for us, and to teach us things we don't know. You're going to make new friends, some of them being your best friends, and some just being a friend. You can always keep your old friends in the back of your mind, but letting them go was probably the best. Everything happens for a reason. You just have to wait for it to become apparent to you.

Hope this helped!
-Lyndsee


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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: BFF Break-up - March 10th 2011, 05:41 PM

I have had many fallouts with my best friends over the years. I am in the same boat as you in a way. I have 3 best friends and they all mean the world to me, so I understand how hard this must be for you.
If you have been friends for 3 years, then it must be expected that you cant be the same person you were all those years ago. One of my friends has accused me of changing and my answer to that is "I'm still the same person I just have more things going on in my life now"
As you said, you have a boyfriend, I'm sure you have other friends outside of yourself and your 3 friends. It is expected that you are a different person around different people, everyone is.
As for you pushing them out, Maybe a little bit more time should have been spent with your friends, but surly they understand that you need to spend time with him as well as them to make your relationship work?
I say, give them some time to get their heads around what has happened. Try to show them that the person your were 3 years ago is still there. Maybe make a scrapbook of your time together?
If none of this works maybe it will be best you going away to study, make a new start If things do work out then there will still be ways to contact them, Skype, Facebook??
Hope things work out
Pm me if you ever need a chat
Laura


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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
DarkKristi Offline
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Re: BFF Break-up - March 11th 2011, 02:37 AM

Thank you all for the advice:]
I did learn alot, and I don't want to do things that I will regret.
Knowing that what I did is right makes me feel better. I won't have to worry about 'what ifs' anymore :]


"While I thought that I was learning how to live, I have been learning how to die."
-Leonardo Da Vinci

"How many times can i say i'm not sorry? And how many ways can i show i don't care?"
- Type O Negative

"I know, i'll die that night. And i won't be brought back to life. i know."
- AFI

"Giving up is really about honoring your feelings. It's about giving up trying to force yourself into a mold of societal shoulds and embracing your true self."
- Dan DeVille
   
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