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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Lorrainne Offline
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Can't We All Just Get Along? - March 10th 2011, 03:54 AM

My best friend that used to hang out with me all the time. We used to have lots of fun together: I spent time with her and her family, went roller-skating with her family, spent the night, ect.... So after about a year of knowing her, I find out that her brother likes me. At the time, I didn't like him. However, I have grew to really like him. So after about 6 months of talking, spending more time with him, and getting to know him more, (basically courting) we are together. My best friend reacted to this by avoiding me and being mad. Then she eventually tried to be friends with me again... it was kinda dry but I was grateful for her effort. And now... she talks to me as if I am someone she isn't close to. She is not mean to me, she just... makes me feel like i'm not her best friend anymore.

Now... On one hand, I understand her feelings. Because I would feel somewhat jealous myself, if she were to date my brother. I would also feel left out because I would feel as if I were unimportant to her. On the other hand, it is not as if I used her to get to him. I had known her for a full year, (and I saw him everytime I spent the night, or just came over) and she acts as if I had planned it the whole time. I didn't even consider liking him until after I found out he liked me. It had never even OCCURED to me, to like him. I wish we could be besties the way we were before, just with him as my boyfriend. Can't we all just get along? It's not as if I made a new best friend! I got a boyfriend. She is not being replaced. I love her too much!

Does anyone have any advice or thoughts?
   
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Re: Can't We All Just Get Along? - March 10th 2011, 04:14 AM

Hey there,

I can understand how you are feeling somewhat. I've had this happen to me. I think that you need to talk to your friend. Explain to her what you explained to us. Tell her that you don't want to lose the friendship with her. Also explain to her how you would be feeling if the tables were turned. This will help because it will show her that you understand/care about how she is feeling too. Just assure her that your friendship doesn't have to be different. You need to keep your friendship with her, and your relationship with her brother separate. I would say almost never hang out with each other at the same time. Make time for your friend without her brother. This will make her feel important, and like you're not just hanging out with her because you feel like you have to. Instead of having sleep overs at her house, have them at yours instead. You can go to a sleepover there and say "I will only hang out with her". But two things can potentially happen: 1) Your boyfriends feelings are hurt. 2) you can accidentally pay more attention to him. Your intentions would be good. Also, don't make plans with your boyfriend when you know your friend will be there. She is going to feel jealous, so just reassure her that you aren't going anywhere as her best friend.

Hope this helped!
-Lyndsee


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