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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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amazing grace Offline
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Is it just my fault? - March 10th 2011, 01:08 PM

Ok I posted just a few weeks ago about this friend of mine who was mad at me for a stupid reason. Well we got back together again and she apologised for being so childish and all. So I accepted it And we were getting along just fine but then last week things changed again.

So I got my camera to school to take pics of my friends during our free time. But when we all are free, only she isn't as she has a lesson. Then later on she took my camera from me and saw that I took pics with everyone except her. She got pissed and told me all sorts of things like, "oh so u take pics with people who are not even that close to you but U don't take pics wid ur close friend ya?" well I cud tell that she wasn't that serious and she wasn't but come on..it wasn't my fault that she was not available at that time.

But the problem isn't that really. The thing is, I somehow feel that she doesn't even care about me half as much as I care about her and it kinda hurts cuz I love her soooo much! Ok let's say she doesn't come to school for one day, I always text her or call her to ask watsup and tell her I miss her a lot. But whenever I'm not there, she never bothers to contact me and ask me watsup. Well is it so wrong for close friends to care about each other a lot? And when I don't talk to her for a while, she gets pissed and she completely ignores me. I feel like she wants me to go kiss her ass always. I mean come on..she expects me to care about her a lot and all but I'm sorry, I won't do that unless I get some love in return. It's getting kinda annoying.

Sometimes I feel that it's maybe my fault and I shouldn't love her so much because maybe shes not worth it. Ok she fights with me, she hurts my feelings, she ignores me and after all this how could I ever feel that she loves me? But even after all this I still love her just the same. I just don't feel it from her! Is it all just my fault?
   
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Re: Is it just my fault? - March 10th 2011, 05:46 PM

Hey there,

I'm sorry your having to go through this. I think it's great that you care and love your friend. You may think that she doesn't care about you as much, and that may be true. However, maybe she does care just as much, and thinks that she is showing it. She might think that she does care a lot about you. It's just a matter of her way of showing it. Also, I think that you should talk to her about this. She can never know that she is hurting you if you don't tell her. She can't read your mind, and you can't expect her to. This might be a personality flaw of hers-- the fact that she doesn't show that she cares. Maybe she is doing the best she can to show it. I would suggest giving her examples of what she does that hurts you. Tell her why you think she doesn't care. She is either going to accept this, or not. Then the rest is up to you. You, from there, decide if you want to remain friends with someone who doesn't make an effort. Friendships are not one-sided. It takes two to tango. And unfortunately, she isn't tango-ing ( ) Just talk to her. Give her a chance to fix it, and if she doesn't, then it might be time to let go of the friendship.

Hope this helped!
-Lyndsee


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Re: Is it just my fault? - March 10th 2011, 09:38 PM

I'm sorry you have to deal with this- I've been in your situation before.

The number one thing is to confront her about it, and be very clear with your feelings. Tell her what specifically she's doing that bothers you, and why. Be sure to add in that you love her so much, and that's why you're confronting her. (Another thing- I find it helps to say things like "I'd like" or "It makes me upset" instead of saying something she might interpret as accusations.)

It isn't your fault - some people have trouble showing their feelings. Be sure to tell her how much she means to you, and if she cares about you she'll take your advice to heart. Good luck! ♥
   
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