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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Finch Offline
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Post I feel like I have no true friends? - March 12th 2011, 11:35 AM

Hi, first post
Well, I have friends that I go out with regualrly, and if theres an occasion I will get invited to it. But in school if we need to work in partners or groups, I am always the one left to join another group if theres no room in the one with my 'friends' in. Without fail, its me. I have no one I can just go to their house and hang out with them one on one, I only ever go to peoples houses with others. When people in my group of friends have big sleepovers or something everyone shows up, but I have a feeling that if I held one at my house then no one would come. They are not bullying me, and are nice to me and I would consider them frineds, but not true friends. I sometimes get the feeling that they laugh at me behind my back, but I'm probably just paranoid. I used to be bestfriends with this guy, but he got moved to another class and now he's gotten close to someone else and instead of asking me around to be with him he'll ask this other person, and only asks me if theyre not available. I feel totally replaced
I think I can identify some of my negative qualities that I am trying to change to get people to like me more, for example I know that I sometimes appear attention seeking and I am loud and sometimes boisterous.
If I manage to change this about myself will people become closer to me? And do you make new friends once you get to uni, because no-one from my school is planning to go to the uni that I plan to go to. But even so, I still have another three years in highschool Thanks to anyone who read that, it was long
   
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Re: I feel like I have no true friends? - March 12th 2011, 01:55 PM

Hey there,

You and I are in the same predicament. It's been that way my whole life. For that reason, I have always hated group work. I'd much rather do it myself. It's lessened a little bit in college, but in general I'm always the one left out.

My 'friends' are nice to my face, they don't bully me, but who knows what they say behind my back - but that doesn't matter, does it?

I'm quite the opposite of you, though. I'm quiet and reserved. In high school, I got 'kicked out' of my former friends' lunch table because I would sit there and not contribute much to the conversation. For that reason, I ate most of my high school lunches alone.

However, when I do speak I feel like I say the wrong things.

Everyone talks behind everyone's back, it seems. Whenever I'm with my 'friends' they often talk about others who are not present. It makes me wonder that they say about me. And I'm guilty of making comments about people behind their back, but I try not to; as it has come back to haunt me in the past.

The important thing is you're striving to reach your full potential. Often we loners feel isolated, and it sucks not knowing what it feels like to have a true friend. We see friends hugging each other, saying that they love each other, and we wonder what that kind of friendship feels like. In the end, we just need to push forward and focus on ourselves. Try to be as friendly as we can be, and just live our lives.

However, you have to make sure that you are not desperate to have friends; desperation is a major turn-off. Be friendly, but don't be pushy. I know a few people in college who are in the same predicament as us, only they try to force themselves upon people, and that's why they have no true friends.

I went to college this year, and I started out with a large group of friends. Slowly, that friend group has been dying down because of a girl who shares the qualities you described: loud and attention-seeking. I caution you, do NOT appear attention-seeking in college. If you change that, then you are likely to make some new friendships in college. Just don't be too quiet, like me.

If you ever need to talk, feel free to PM me. :-)


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Re: I feel like I have no true friends? - March 12th 2011, 02:32 PM

I kinda agree with cola...

but the way you feel isolated I think it's because you judge your self... I have trouble in my high school...(people... who actually I never talk to hate me... and yeah.. half of the school hate me) then I decided to go to a university where no one come with me... but the problem still follow me.....

then I realized that the problem is I keep judging my self as someone that is easily hate.... not someone that people can talk to.... so I try to say hi to random peole and talk... and actually be there on every gathering they make...
as for talking behind someone's back.. it happen in life.. but if you should not do that.. because if you talked about someone's fault behind their back.... this will ruin your reputation.....
and about the guy... be active... say hi to him... he didn't invited you because he feel like you are not one of his closest friend.... that's why keep talking to him..... just find random topics...

and if you actually look again.. you already have true friends... you just never realized it.... because you keep thinking... "I am a loner and I have no friends"... what about if you think.. "I am not a loner.. and I try to make more friends" ?


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Re: I feel like I have no true friends? - March 12th 2011, 05:08 PM

I had this same problem only a short while ago.

The thing I recommend? Do something that you really love to do. For instance, if you like to run, go running in the park or join a track team or something. You'll find friends who love the same things you do, and you'll be able to talk to them for hours on end without even realizing the time is passing. If you like a certain type of music, just start talking to random people you meet about music, and who knows? Maybe they'll like the same things you do, and you'll find a good friend because of it.

Just finding common ground can work wonders. ;D
   
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