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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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HannahSummers94 Offline
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Question Best friend hates me for no reason. - March 12th 2011, 05:39 PM

Okay so on wendsay my bestfriend Alexa and i were going to workout after school. I asked her if we were going to go change yet and she said were not going anymore, because my other friends sister who was her ride was leaving. I was totally fine with that, so i went to my guy friends house instead. Then i found out they did go to workout. I wasnt that mad, i just wanted to know why she lied to me. So i texted Alexa asking why she lied to me and she was like "You lie about everything and everyone thinks that." We argued a little more then i was done, so i stopped texting. The next day we didnt talk, but then that night we made up. About five minutes after we madeup she texted me saying "You backstabbing bitch don't ever talk to me again im done being your friend." I kept texting her and calling her because i had no idea why she randomly hated me. Then i started talking to this guy, who told me what was going on. Alexa and the guy, James, had this secret, how Alexa sent pictures to james. Because James has a girlfriend, he didnt want anyone to know. Alexa, being my bestfriend, told me about it. I didnt tell anyone obiously. James foundout how Alexa told me and got mad at her. Then he told her that i said somthing about the pictures to him, which i didnt. Why would i start talking to him about pictures of Alexa? That's just awquard considering i hardly talk to James. Then James denied it to me and said he never told Alexa that i mentioned the pictures. When i told alexa this she wouldnt listen. Every time i would try to talk to her she would say FUCK OFF. Last night i texted her saying, "If your really going to blow away 4 years of being bestfriends, all the memories we've had(we hangout every weekend, and most days after school), over somthing as stupid as this that i didn't even do, then i'm done trying to talk to you. This is your last chance to say somthing to me, because after this i will never talk to you again."
Reply..."Fuck off"

Shes not my BEST friend. This other girl Emma is. Me Alexa and Emma were all like three bestfriends, but Emma even told me that she would pick me over Alexa everyday. Alexa thinks that she can really still be close with Emma after me and her arent friends anymore.

She knows i have a hard time holding grudges like when i said "I will never talk to you again", so i think she thinks i'll come back to her. But honestly i won't. I don't really know what to do.... any ideas?
   
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Re: Best friend hates me for no reason. - March 12th 2011, 08:19 PM

First of all, welcome to TeenHelp! =)

Secondly, I'm not a big fan of ultimatums, ex. "This is your last chance to say something to me, because after this I will never talk to you again." Try to put yourself in her shoes for a moment. If you were really angry, because you thought your friend had lied to you/betrayed your trust, and then that same friend made a demand like that... how would you respond? Probably the same way Alexa did, because no one likes to be told what to do and when to do it. People need time to get over their emotions in order to think rationally again - sounds like both you and Alexa needed more time to calm down.

If you are really, truly done with Alexa... then you don't need to do anything else at this point. Enjoy your friendship with Emma, and ignore Alexa from this point on. So what if Alexa thinks she can still be close with Emma? Maybe she can, maybe she can't. The important thing is to make sure Emma doesn't feel like she has to choose sides or constantly reassure you that YOU are her best friend, not Alexa.

If you want to give Alexa another chance, then reach out to her. Tell her you value this friendship and want to figure out how to make things right. Say that you're willing to give her as much time as she needs to calm down, and when she's ready, you would like to have a conversation about what really happened, and how the two of you can resolve your long-standing problems. It seems that Alexa is under the impression that you lie all the time. If there is some truth to that, think about how you can change for the better, and share your thoughts with Alexa. If you know this isn't true, be willing to let Alexa explain why she thinks you're always lying, then try to show her that this way of thinking isn't right.





   
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Re: Best friend hates me for no reason. - March 13th 2011, 12:01 AM

I think Robin above me was quite accurate.

Think about it. The usual reaction to a fight, if it happens at home with siblings, for example, is to enrage, scream, yell and then run up to your room before slamming the door in the frame. You walk away to your room to cool off and think about things. This is no different. Even though it happened via text, the situation is still the same. Both of you have to think about it. Imagine yourself being angry at her, would you have reacted any different at any text you would've sent? I doubt it.

The best way to cure anger is time. Give her some time. Give yourself some time. Think about things. Realistically speaking, she really wouldn't want to throw away 4 years of closeness over an argument like this and I sense you don't want to lose your friendship with her either. Too much has happened to just throw it down the drain like this.

For now, take it easy. Don't gossip about Alexa to Emma, don't start talking lies and don't immediately choose Emma's side over hers, even if she's the better friend. A friend is a friend, no matter what way you look at it. Tomorrow, go to Alexa's place and talk to her face to face. Don't be angry with her, just take it easy and tell her you want to talk. Apologize for the last text and tell her you weren't thinking straight, calm her down, then work things out and hopefully you two will end up hugging in the end, burying the hatchet, as the saying goes.

Best of luck! Take it easy, I hope you can get it settled!





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