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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Friends don't like other friends. - March 13th 2011, 06:40 AM

So this has been getting on my nerves for a while, but just gained a new level of ridiculous when I realized I was planning how to sneak my friend into my dorm room for a sleepover.

My roommate is one of my best friends. I love her to death. The only problem is that she's recently made it clear that a few of my friends aren't allowed in the room. I want to respect her place, since we're both in the same room and all, but I think that specification is a bit unfair to me. I tried to talk to her about it but she said, "Their mere presence annoys the living hell out of me."

Should I respect her place or ignore her rule and keep hanging out with my friends outside of the room?


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Re: Friends don't like other friends. - March 13th 2011, 07:56 AM

I think your roommate is being unreasonable, based on what you've told us. With that being said, I feel it may be best to abide by your roommate's demands. Why am I suggesting that, when your roommate is obviously in the wrong? Because you live with this person... and believe me, you do NOT want to tick off people you live with. Weigh the pros and cons of "sneaking" your friend in, despite your roommate's wishes. Doesn't seem worth it to me.

Of course, that doesn't mean you can't try and talk to your roommate about this from time to time. =) Maybe asking her WHY she doesn't like your friends. What is it about them that annoys her? Is there anything you or they can do to be less "annoying"? How about a compromise, where the friend can hang out/sleep in the living room, so your friend can choose to stay away from said friend? Unfortunately, if your roommate is going to be unreasonable and stubborn about this, then there isn't much more you can do (save for looking at new apartments/roommates to live with).

Again, I realize that your roommate can't legally prohibit your friends from visiting... but she CAN make your life miserable nevertheless.





   
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Re: Friends don't like other friends. - March 13th 2011, 08:40 AM

Courtney,

I have to agree with Robin on this. Your roommate is being unreasonable. You have a right to see your friends, whether she likes that or not. Yes, there needs to be respect of space in the house, but she isn't respecting you or your space if she doesn't allow your friends to come over. You both live/exist in the house. As unfair as your roommate is being, you have to respect her wishes. You don't want to create conflict with her, as it will making coexistence that much more difficult. Maybe you can make a compromise with her. Tell her that when she is out of the dorm room. Make sure that she understands how important these people are to you. If she still doesn't budge, then spend outside time with your friends. Go out to places with them, or go to their house. As sucky as this situation is, make sure that she understands how important this is to you, and if she can't then you just have to find other means of hanging out with them.

Best of luck!


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Re: Friends don't like other friends. - March 13th 2011, 11:32 AM

I am in a similar situation myself.
My best friends don't like my other group of friends. Yes, it is a very horrible situation to be in.
I would say that for now, just so you dont annoy your best friend, respect her wishes and not have your other friend in your room.
But maybe get a big group of friends together including your best friend and the friend she dont like, and go out to a club or for a meal. This way they are spending time together but no by a 1 on 1. Maybe then they will learn that they can spend time together and actually be friends.
If this fails, talk to your best friend and explain to her that, even though you respect her wishes about your other friend, you cant help who you are friends with and you would like to spend time with both of them but she is making it difficult.
Hope things work out for you
Pm me if you need a chat
Laura


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Re: Friends don't like other friends. - March 13th 2011, 04:35 PM

Well, it depends on the situation. Why do they annoy the hell out of her? Are they involved in illegal activities? Are they loud and obnoxious? Do they interrupt her specifically? If so, then she has the right to not want them there.

There's a guy on campus who likes to come around and talk to my roommate. He's loud, obnoxious, and plus he's involved in illegal activities. He'll come boasting about his underage drinking, and when I'm studying or watching TV, he'll just obnoxiously invite himself in and start talking over the TV, or make it so I can't concentrate on my homework.

The bottom line, it's plain rude. So I've made it clear to my roommate that I don't want him in my apartment.

If your friends are doing that, then your roommate has every right to not want them in your room. However, if her reasons are just 'they're just annoying', when they're not doing anything to her, then that's a different story.

Discuss with her why she doesn't want them in the room. What is the real reason they 'annoy the living hell out of her.'


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