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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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bunnyrice Offline
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Unhappy Help with family! - March 13th 2011, 04:00 PM

My family seems to be going crazy.

Mom and dad have divorced three years ago due to his betrayal. Since then, mom's behavior changed completely, she's stressed much more easily and says bad stuff about my father to others. He, on the other hand, wants me to be friends with his girlfriend (the one who triggered the divorce) and refuses mom's help on stuff such as paying for my education.

My sister is nineteen, but she's kinda child at heart and we're really close. However, lately she's being mean at me (not just teasing, she just doesn't care for my problems anymore) and acting vulgar, like "dancing" anywhere she is regardless of the situation. Just like she's trying to act "cool".

My cousin is sixteen. We grew up together and she was like another sister to me. From a couple of years to now, she's started drinking and partying to much - and we made a promise in the past that we'd never drink. She's the one who influenced my sis as well.

My family in general disapproves my career choice (arts), even though professional artists have told me I've got talent. Grandpa said I should be an engineer, while uncle said that "we don't always get what we want. You should be flexible and do what you're supposed to do". Dad is pretty much the only one who has a bit of faith on me.

I'm desperate. I have other problems as well and that's making me feel depressed (but I think this is still in "family" topic. Sorry for this being so long, but I really need help.
   
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Re: Help with family! - March 13th 2011, 05:44 PM

Hey there,

Let me start by saying Welcome to Teen Help!

It sounds like your family is going through a lot right now. It's understandable that your mom is stressed out, because things in her life are probably harder to manage without the help and support from your father. When my mom and dad split up, she was a lot more stressed because she was now having to do everything herself. And onto the subject of your dad, if you don't like your mom talking about him like that then the best thing you can do is try to tune her out, and ask her not to talk about your dad like that to others. Though, she really shouldn't be talking about your dad like that to others anyways. However, we can't control the actions of others.

It's unfortunate that your sister can't see past her personal being enough to look after your needs. I think you should talk to her. Let her know that it bugs you that she doesn't seem to care about your needs anymore. She very well may think that she is being her normal self, and might not even realize what she is doing to you. I don't think you can do much about the child like behavior, as she is 19 and won't probably listen to anyone trying to tell her how to act, especially a younger sibling. And I don't say that to be rude, I'm say that because I'm 18, and whenever my brother tells me to do something, I usually don't. But just ask her for more support. Tell her that you need her being there for you. Hopefully she will respond in such a way that will make her change.

I would advise you to stop drinking. Drinking at such a young age is dangerous, as you know. You, being 14, are more likely to feel the harmful affects from alcohol. Instead of hanging out with your cousin, maybe you can hang out with friends as well. It's okay to hang out with your cousin, but maybe try to do activities that make it harder to drink, like go see a movie, go to an arcade, see a play, etc. This way you are still having fun, but you aren't drinking. Your sister, again, is going to do what she is going to do. As are you, but hopefully you'll consider not drinking, as it is very harmful.

I'm sorry that your family disapproves of you career path. It sucks that you aren't getting that support from the people that seemingly should mean the most to you. I think you should have another talk with them about that too. Tell them that the arts is your passion, and that you want to pursue it as a career. Tell them that is makes you happy, and it would mean the world to you if you got the support of them. Even if they don't support you, don't let that hold you back from doing the things that make you happy. If you you want to have a career in the field of arts, then you definitely should. Prove to them that this can be a great job, and that it can make you happy.

I hope this helped a bit!


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Re: Help with family! - March 13th 2011, 05:54 PM

Hi there sweetie.
You're really strong for all you say that's been happening in your family.

You can't really interfere in problems with your parents, I guess. So you should leave that to them. But if your mom's feeling an awful lot of stress, you can be there for her. Talk to her, or just sit with her. She's been hurt, and she needs to know beyond doubt that there are people who love her.

Your sister probably doesn't know how to show how she feels about this. So she's adopting anyway she can to cope. When you grow a little older things seem so out of control, and being 19, she probably feels alot of stress in other aspects of her life maybe? And she doesn't know how to show that it's hurting her so much, so she's taking it out on you (by teasing).
If you feel that strongly about how your sis is behaving, you need to talk to her. I know, it's going to be really hard. If you find it to hard, write her a letter about how you feel about her, and what she's doing.

Don't worry about what other people say. You've chosen what you like doing right? Then go with that! If like arts, then it's good that you took arts! It's a brilliant way of expression and if your teachers too think you should be taking art, then don't mind what anyone in your family says. Everyone will have an opinion about what you're doing. You can't them all influence what you want for yourself!
If your dad has faith in you, then you should use that to your advantage. Don't be discouraged. And have faith in yourself! And I'm sure you'll do well!
In your mind, accept who everyone is, and know that you can't change them. That way, it'll be easier to live with them and take in who the are and still be who you want to be and do what you really like doing!

If you want to talk, pm/vm me anytime, kay?
Take care, love. <33


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As wild and as reckless as thunder over the land.
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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
bunnyrice Offline
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Re: Help with family! - March 13th 2011, 07:34 PM

First of all thank you for your support. Guess I should make some things more clear.

I don't drink. I despise alcohol and actively support that teenagers shouldn't be drinking. None of my friends does, either.
My sis being a child at heart isn't actually a bad thing; she isn't childish, she just isn't one of those annoying young adults that think they're much more independent then they actually are. But I'm really upset with what she's been doing - she doesn't seem to notice the middle of the mall ain't the best place for making vulgar dance movements - as she used to hate that kind of stuff. Also, I know that she's legally an adult, but I'm worried that she might be drinking and slowly killing herself as, even though she says she doesn't drink, she goes out with people who do and behaves mostly the same way as them.

About my career, I have some other problems but I'll do my best to keep the faith.

Thanks again, if anyone has more opinions I'd love to hear them as well.
   
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Re: Help with family! - March 14th 2011, 07:38 AM

You're welcome sweets
Maybe just talking to your sister could help. She really needs to know you're worried about her.
I'll bet she's having a pretty tough time with things now too, so it's just her way of acting out?

Take care <3


~Through the wind and the rain she stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above.
But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place where she's loved.

Concrete Angel



"And so I grew from colt to stallion
As wild and as reckless as thunder over the land.
Racing with the eagle, soaring with the wind.
Flying? There were times I believed I could."




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