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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Verità Offline
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He won't stop calling - March 21st 2011, 01:45 AM

Okay, I had a friend, lets call him Dan, in elementary school, and we "dated" for awhile. He "broke up" with me after I moved, but we still maintained a friendship through middle school. However, towards the end of middle school, he kept talking in detail about his girlfriends, and what he'd done with them. Being the naive person I am, I just shrugged it off and let it be. This went on for a few years over the phone, calls only occurring a few times a year.

Last year, the calls started increasing in frequency, and we started talking once or twice a week. He called me one time, and he sounded really worried, apparently he had impregnated his girlfriend and had possibly contracted an STD. The next day, he called me and asked me out. I was more than a little confused due to the nature of his last call. He kept asking me out, even when I told him I was in a relationship, and liked my changed relationship status on facebook. At this point, I got scared, blocked him on facebook, and stopped answering his calls. I thought he got the point, because he left me alone for awhile.

But recently, he's been calling me again, as many as 4 or 5 times every day. My parents usually pick up and make up some excuse for why I can't talk once they realize who it is (his name doesn't show up on our caller ID). However, he still isn't getting it, and it's really starting to get to me. I disconnected my phone today because I just didn't want to hear the calls anymore.

So, I guess what I'm asking is, should I just buck up and tell him to stop calling me? I really hate confrontation, but I think I could manage to stomach sending him a text message telling him to stop. And if I do, what do I say in this case? We were good friends for awhile, so I don't want to be rude...Gah.


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All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the [mome raths] outgrabe.
   
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Re: He won't stop calling - March 21st 2011, 01:57 AM

First of all, we're using similar fonts/colors.

Second, this is borderline harassment. He does need to be told to stop, more than once if that's necessary. I understand you're worried because he was your friend, but if he wants to continue to be a good friend, he'll listen and back off. He shouldn't be making you this uncomfortable, in any way.

You can do it. Texting him is a piece of cake compared to getting a ton of calls every day, right? I believe in you sweetie. ^^ ♥
   
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Re: He won't stop calling - March 21st 2011, 07:47 AM

Love the new username! =)

And yes, I think you should tell him to stop calling you. I also hate confrontation... but over the years, I've learned that there are times when you simply HAVE to speak up in order to get what you want. Tell him that you don't appreciate his calling you all the time when his intentions are clearly to develop a romantic relationship with you. Say that you're just friends, and as such, you would appreciate it if he would treat you like he did prior to asking you out. If he can't respect your feelings on the matter, then tell him he needs to stop calling you, and that if he continues to call you, you will record the phone calls and give them to the police for the purposes of filing a complaint for harassment.






   
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Re: He won't stop calling - March 21st 2011, 05:22 PM

Alice,

I think he has gone a bit overboard with texting you. You most definitely should tell him to stop calling you. If you don't, it will just make things worse. It doesn't appear as though he is going to stop, so you have to put your foot down. Tell him that you are just friends, and would appreciate if he treated it as such. Also, ask him if he would cut down on calling so much. If he keeps calling you as much as he does now..then you need to report him to the police as this is harassment. Can you block him on your land line or get your number changed? I think that would help to.


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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Verità Offline
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Re: He won't stop calling - March 22nd 2011, 01:20 PM

Thank you for the replies I decided to text him the next time he calls to help prove my point. Thanks again xx


’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the [mome raths] outgrabe.
   
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Re: He won't stop calling - March 22nd 2011, 07:23 PM

If you're not up to 1-1 confrontation, then bring some friends, male or female with you to support yourself. They don't have to say anything but perhaps their presence can be enough to make you confident in the confrontation. If it gets ugly with him, they can step in to protect you. Anytime I had confrontations I did it 1-1 or to however many people were there. However, I've also assisted friends, mostly females in this. I just stood near them so they knew I was there along with other friends of theirs and several times I felt no need to step in. The few times I did it got settled pretty fast, didn't get very ugly. The ugliest it ever got a few times was the female friend I was supporting took a good solid punch from the male she was confronting but it was solved in a matter of minutes with minimal additional violence needed.

If you're worried he may get violent, then take some friends along with you, it's the best easiest chance of deterring violence. Make sure to tell the friends though to not get involved, just to stand in the back and provide emotional support, as well as any protection if need be. Alternatively, take a bit of pepper spray or mace with you in the event he gets violent.


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Re: He won't stop calling - March 24th 2011, 02:17 PM

I think you should tell him that your uncomfortable with him calling you so much and want the nature of conversations to go back to normal before him asking you if he cant stop calling you. And if he continues to call you after you texted him to stop calling him then I would say listen I warned you about calling me so much so I will have to get the police or other authorities involved. Or just block his number.
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