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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Weasel Offline
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Unhappy I Secretly Hate my Best Friend - March 22nd 2011, 04:24 AM


Ok-- he's been my best friend since the sixth grade. We're currently sophomores in high school. This is the longest I've ever been friends with somebody, ever. I love him (...uh, not quite in that way; and if I did, he's gay, so that'd just be a terrible situation), he makes me laugh like practically nobody else does, and I want to remain his friend.

But I hate him just as much as I love him. I'm not the smartest person in the world-- I say dumb things all the time. My mouth just goes off before my brain has a chance to catch up. He tends to pick up on these things and just...makes fun of me for them. I don't think he realizes just how hurtful that can be. And he's been so condescending and rude towards me because of these slip-ups. He treats me like I'm a complete moron. I'm obviously not-- I just have a really hard time communicating out loud to people, even if they're people that I've known for a really long time, due to some self-esteem problems that really aren't worth mentioning. And when he's not being rude, he just...ignores me. I try to talk to him sometimes, but he never really listens, which pisses me off.

I'm hyper-dependent on him, if you haven't already inferred that. How he treats me pretty much decides how I'm going to feel for the rest of the day. It's pathetic and annoying, but I can't help it. I want to be his friend, and I also just want him to go away so I can stop being so damn pathetic when it comes to him.

Also, recently, I'm just super annoyed whenever he says anything to me. I don't know if I'm just hoping to pick a fight with him or what (even though I know I'd lose, because when we fight, he always has some incredibly hurtful comment at the ready, and I'm an easy target), but why am I acting this way towards him if I still want to be his friend? Just...what? Why? Gah, teenage drama...

...God, I just portrayed him as the worst friend imaginable, didn't I? Please keep in mind that I've had tons of good times with this person, and that I feel like he at least likes me. Or maybe 'liked'. I don't know, it's hard to tell.

This is so vague and idiotic and random. I hope you can make some sense of it. >___>
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I Secretly Hate my Best Friend - March 22nd 2011, 06:41 PM

tell him to be serious lol (: and then talk to him and if he doesnt listen well just write a note? maybe he'll take the note more seriousely

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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I Secretly Hate my Best Friend - March 23rd 2011, 03:05 AM

It's hard to think about the bad in people when there's so much good, too. It sounds to me like he doesn't understand how hurtful he's being, and how much he is affecting you. Try to sit down and talk with him - tell him you need to talk to him about something, seriously.

Make sure he knows that you love him as a friend, but the way he's acting is bringing you down. You want to be friends with him, of course, but right now he's making you feel bad about yourself, and you don't like being treated that way.

If he hears this from you, he might think before he speaks. If you're showing him respect and friendship, then he should be showing you the same.

Best of luck!
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I Secretly Hate my Best Friend - March 23rd 2011, 07:53 AM

You should talk to him about it, as said above. Surely he ain't a bad person if you've stick with each other for that long. And maybe he really does not mean to I have to admit I have been like that too at times, which from my side is being witty and fun in my way, until some gets angry or resents me the thing is that unless they tell me I don't really notice I've hurt them or got them angry at me. Over the years I've learned to be more careful, so maybe yes that's whats going on with your friend, so just tell him, or maybe not, but you won't really know unless you speak with him. Good luck.

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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I Secretly Hate my Best Friend - March 23rd 2011, 04:50 PM

Hey there,

It seems to me that if you were to talk to him about this, then he might listen. Reason being, he seems like a nice guy, but he takes the sarcasm too far. Tell him that his comments are hurtful to you, and that you would like for him to change them. He might say something like "I was just joking, bro!" In that case, tell him that his jokes aren't funny to you. I think the reason why you are hyper dependent on him is due to the fact that he is making all these jokes and you're putting in all you're putting in tie and energy to try to please him. Though, this is just how it seems to me. So, like I said- talk to him about this. You really have nothing to lose. If you don't like the way something is going in a friendship- then change it. You're both in the friendship, so you have a say.

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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I Secretly Hate my Best Friend - March 23rd 2011, 11:57 PM

Thanks for the advice, everybody. I think I'll talk to him about this...I dunno, maybe I'm being oversensitive or something. I probably am...
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Re: I Secretly Hate my Best Friend - March 27th 2011, 09:06 PM

hey there,
i think everyone above pretty much said it all, just talk to him and let him know how you feel

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Re: I Secretly Hate my Best Friend - April 8th 2011, 09:51 PM

when my m8ts take the piss outta me i insault them back or hit them in a friendly way (it help that im stronger than all of them) and they stop or back off or tyr telling him that what hes doing herts you kk and sorry if my advice is bad but im only trying my best hope this helps

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Re: I Secretly Hate my Best Friend - April 14th 2011, 12:24 AM

You're not oversensitive. If it bothers you enough such that you feel the need to post at an online forum to seek help, then it's probably a legitimate issue.

Two things:

1. Don't let your happiness be dependent on how he treats you. It's like having a puppet master control your emotions. You can't live your life like that. Your happiness comes from within. Being treated nicely by friends is just a bonus. People are dynamic. You never know how they'll treat you.

2. Let him know how you feel about his comments. He's not going to get the message if you ruminate over this on your own part. There are two sides to solving an interpersonal conflict like this: a) reconciliation by you, b) adjustment done on your friend's part.

It sounds like you know how to value friendships. I read this quote somewhere so I'm paraphrasing:

Good friends are people whom you are willing to suffer for.
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