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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
HurtAndLost Offline
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What should I do?? - March 25th 2011, 03:17 AM

I have this friend that i have know since sixth grade, and shes one of my best friends but shes getting really annoying. Plus shes talking to this guy I really really like, and I know that he likes her and I told her but she doesnt care how i feel. And she has a boyfriend, I want to ask how she would feel if her boyfriend talked to a girl that he like but didnt care. Ugh, i dont know what to do, and I dont want to lose her but its really pissong me off, especially sonce she knows how I feel! What should I do???


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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What should I do?? - March 25th 2011, 05:18 AM

You need to have a talk with her. Tell her that she isn't being truthful to her boyfriend, by being with this guy. I'm sure she would listen to you. If you guys have been friends for as long as you have, I don't see why she wouldn't listen. If she still won't listen to you, you have to make a choice. Have you told her that you like the guy she is cheating on her boyfriend with? Maybe if she sees that you are interested in him, she might back off. I don't see why she would be with this guy anyways if he already has someone. Your situation is complicated. She is your best friend, but at the moment you hate her to bits. Sometimes there will be moments in a friendship that will make the both of you start hating each other. This is one of those moments. I'm sure that if you have a honest conversation with her, she will listen, and hopefully this will be resolved. I would hate for you guys to lose your friendship over something like this. Hopefully things go well for you.


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What should I do?? - March 25th 2011, 07:18 PM

I agree completely with Jesse. You need to have a talk with her. Tell her that it hurts that she is going to go for the guy that you like when she has a boyfriend. To me, that's not how friends are supposed to behave.If she was really your friend, then she would respect your feelings and not go for this guy. Plus, that's completely disrespectful to her boyfriend. It might be best if you distance yourself from her. I'm not saying break the friendship completely. Though, I don't know if I could be friends with someone if they treated me like that. Again, talk to her. You can't go wrong with talking to her. And if she STILL behaves the way that she is now, then you might need to re evaluate the friendship. It's going to hurt if you have to let the friendship go, but don't let people treat you like this.

Take care!


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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What should I do?? - March 28th 2011, 03:41 AM

I've told her that i really like this guy but she doesn't care. It makes me question our friendship.


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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What should I do?? - March 28th 2011, 03:44 AM

If she doesn't care about your feelings then why are you still in the friendship with her? I know you've been friends with her a long time, but length shouldn't determine a friendship. Things change. People change. I would talk to her about your concerns, and decide if the friendship is worth staying in. :]



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Re: What should I do?? - March 29th 2011, 07:38 AM

Her having a boyfriend doesn't mean she cannot talk to other guys, even if you like them. If that guy is attracted to her, perhaps she's attracted to him although just talking or even flirting isn't necessarily cheating on her boyfriend. I do think you're very unreasonable in wanting her to not talk to that guy although if you really like him and asking her to not talk doesn't work, then be more aggressive. It's unreasonable if she likes him and you like him yet you don't want her talking to him.

If you tell her and she still does it, you do no good for yourself by sitting on the side fuming, instead do something and talk with him. Alternatively, you have some leverage by talking to her boyfriend and having him see her talking to that guy, assuming she's flirting and such. I recommend using that leverage.

Other ways, which can work but may strain your relationship. For example, talk with her boyfriend and become closer to him letting her see that. She'll be forced to spend less time with the guy you like, especially if you tell/show her boyfriend how chummy she's getting with the guy. Depending on the boyfriend and her, they could get into an argument for a few days so while she's off dealing with him, you talk with the guy. Also, tell the guy of her boyfriend and you could make it sound like she may be playing both of them. It works but you cant do what you're doing of ask then not get up after being defeated, this method won't work.
Second, talk to others to find out what the guy likes then while she's babbling with him, make your presence known "accidentally", such as talk on the phone and accidentally step on his foot, be horrified about the accident and start apologizing to him. It takes his attention off her and onto you, so keep his attention by acting/showing some of the stuff he's said to like or say something such as "oh my gosh, I'm so sorry [show/do some stuff to maintain his attention] ... ugh damnit, I'm going to be so screwed, did you understand/have notes from last class, I lost mine and I didn't understand much of it, I'm really worried for the up-coming quiz/test/exam!!!". Point is, maintain his attention and as you're talking with him, try to physically put yourself between her and him. If she begins interrupting, say you're apologizing for an accident and asking for something simple, she should relax.
Third, do something similar to her boyfriend and walk to where you know her and the guy are, start talking with the boyfriend more pretending to have not know they were there. Do this especially when the two of them are being more intimate in their words.

Even if you don't want to use these or something similar, you're not going to get the guy by moping on the side after she won't leave him. If you do, your best chance is to cry, fall down, shirt flies off, etc... to get him to leave her and go to you but all are damaging to yourself. Be more aggressive even if she says she won't leave him, talk to him when she's gone, etc... .


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  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What should I do?? - April 4th 2011, 01:48 AM

I rtied to be nice and talk to her and she pissed me off, and she just told me that she "did" like him but I thinks that she still does, i cant do this anymore, forget her!!
Thanks ya'll^^


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  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What should I do?? - April 4th 2011, 01:53 AM

Hey there! I am glad that you decided what you were going to do.
I'm sorry that she couldn't admit to her faults.

That said, because you seem happy with your replies and you've decided to end the friendship, I'm going to close this. OP, PM me if you would like this to be re-opened. :]


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