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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
chell-see Offline
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family falling apart is my fault. - April 5th 2011, 06:30 PM

me and my family have had a lot of issues. i wont go into detail, because ti will end up being a huge post that noone will read, but i will try to put briefly some of the stuff thats beeen happening.
my mother has anger managment issues, and gets stressed easily. she takes it out on me and my sisters verbally andphysically. she takes it out on all of us, but its moslty me, because she thinks i am a horrible child.
she has abused me ever since i can remember. she calls me names, and says im worthless, pathetic, and idiot etc, and as its my own mother saying it, its incredibly hard to ignore. i have learned to tune her out, but sometimes something she says get at me, and when it does, it hits me hard.
my dad is only interested in TV, and alcohol. he loves me, i know that, but he doesnt really spend much time with me. i know hed rather watch tv than spend time with me, so i try to keep out of his har, because i dont want to annoy him.
my parents are spilt up, but my dad visits us every day. him and my mom always argue about everything, and its usually about us kids. i normally hear the arguments, and it really affects me listening to them, because the majority of their arguments lately have been about me.
i self harm- and have done for years. iv attempted suicide fourteen times. my family only found this out about 2 months ago. to say they took it badly is an understatement.
when my parents found out, there was a lot of shouting/screaming/violence etc. they refused to believe that i was cutting because of them, and tried to blame it on this boy + say it was him infuecing me to do it. they took my phone off me, deleted my facebook account, to stop me from having any contact with him. he was a real support to me, so it was really hard not being able to talk to him anymore. as a result, i cut more.
two weeks later, after a particularly bad argument with my mom, i ran away. it was 11-40pm and i was in my pyjamas, but i was just so sick of everything, i legged it out the front door.
when i was gone, the police came round to my house. they found my diary and read it. my parents tread it, and my eldest brother read it.
they found a lot of suicidal stuff in it, and called in extra reinforcmetns, a sniffer dog, and a helicopter to search for me. they found me at 5am, lying asleep by the side of a road.
damn.
since then, the situation in my family has got even worse. my mother thinks im an attention seeking brat, and my 8 siblings agree with her.
they are always taking the piss out of me, and making sarcastic remarks. for example, if we have an argument they will say something like :"oh, i suppose your gonig to go and jum off beatties carpark nowe and kikll yourself? you cant cope with life, oh poorrrrrr youuuuuuuuuu!" and things like " ahhh, are you going to go and slit your wrist now you little emo?" it really gets to me.
people always say talk to a family memeber, but tbh, i dont want to talk to mine because all they do is make me feel even worse.
my sisters are always bitching with each other about me, saying how i get preferential treatment, and how its my fault that the family has fallen apart, etc.
social services got involved a few weeks ago, and that made it even worse. my family blame me for it, because i told my physcologist about my mom, and she called the social.
everytime my mom and i have an argument now, one of my sisters comes in and says something snide like " oh, mom, you musnt do that/say that, because you know what chelsea's like, shell only go to social services and snitch on you"


the tension in my family is terrible, and i feel like its my fault.its my fault we are falling apart. if only i hadnt cut or ran away, none of this would have happened. its my fault.
why is life so shit?


I did not loose my mind,
It was mine to give away.
   
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Re: family falling apart is my fault. - April 5th 2011, 09:00 PM

Hey there, Chelsea. I am so sorry to hear about your situation. =( It sounds like there is a LOT of tension in your family. Not only are your parents fighting, but you have a lot of siblings, which can make your family's financial situation a bit shaky. I think you did the right thing by telling your psychologist about what's going on at home. While it may be harder at the moment, I believe getting a social worker involved will ultimately improve your situation. If the social worker believes this is a poor home environment, you could be removed and placed in someone else's care... which would allow you to get away from all this stress and focus on becoming healthy again. So please don't let your mom and siblings get to you. Keep telling your psychologist and social worker about your situation at home. In the meantime, I encourage you to keep yourself preoccupied. Do things that will make you happier and less stressed out. That could be anything from talking to people on TeenHelp, to writing in another (secret) diary, to listening to music, to going for walks around the neighborhood. =) I wish you all the best, and again, I am so glad that you are finally getting help for your depression and self-harm!






   
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Re: family falling apart is my fault. - April 6th 2011, 07:16 PM

Chelsea,

Your situation is terrible, and I am so sorry that you are having to go through it. You're a strong person you know? For fighting this and you're winning. You may think the world is up against your right now, but if you hang in there and keep working with your psychologist, then you're going to come out on top. Right after the abuse happens, call your pyschologist or the police. The more times you report it, the bigger your case is going to get. Eventually something will be done abouy this. You just have to keep reporting. And I know you're tired of fighting, but you can do this.

The fact that you've attempted suicide fourteen times kind of proves that you're meant to be here. You deserve a happy life. Instead of attempting, try to do something else. I think it's important to remember that you're young, you litterally have your whole life ahead of you. I think you would do well by finding reasons to live. Don't let your family win. You can make it through the other side. You're not fighting to quit, you're fighting to pull through. And I believe that you can. Prove to them that you're worth something. Tell yourself that you're worth it, because you are. Hurting yourself won't help either. Try to stay busy in times like these. Can you do afterschool activities or hang out with friends? I think it would help if you spent the least amount of time at home as possible. I know it's hard to ignore your siblings, but try your hardest to avoid conflict and them in general. I know you're probably feeling outnumbered right now, but it won't feel that way forever<3


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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
chell-see Offline
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Re: family falling apart is my fault. - April 15th 2011, 05:13 PM

thannk you for the support <3


I did not loose my mind,
It was mine to give away.
   
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