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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

View Poll Results: If you had a Dinosaur, what color would it be?
Pink 2 18.18%
Blue 2 18.18%
Purple 1 9.09%
Black 1 9.09%
Fuzzy (any color) 2 18.18%
Polkadot (any colors) 3 27.27%
Voters: 11. You may not vote on this poll

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Emy Bug Offline
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Dad problems - April 7th 2011, 01:58 PM

I just really hate my dad. Ever since I started Middle school I've found all the falts with him. He's fat, lazy, only eats and playes with his phone, he yells all the time ate me.... The list could go on forever.
My mom says that I'm a lot like him and that his personality is hard to get with and that's why I don't like him.
She also said that in the Bible it says to respect your elders. He's 3x older than me so he IS my elder, but how can I respect someone that I hate?
Please help me I'm in desperate need. If it gets worse, I'm gonna have to pack my bags and run away.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dad problems - April 7th 2011, 02:38 PM

well this sounds like me and my step mom i just try to be calm in an argument sometimes it doesnt work but im told to KILL THEM WITH KINDNESS trust me it bugs the hell out of ppl most of the time they stop if u need to talk im just a pm away
love coco dont hesitate to pm alright




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Iím catching stars in the sky because I am fixing the soul within me. May it be from the heart a girl broke years ago or my soul simply repairing itself as it was shattered on my walk on this earth. May the stardust fill those cracks within my soul making me brand new, but never forgetting who I once was.


   
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Re: Dad problems - April 7th 2011, 04:40 PM

Hey there, Emy! I can totally relate - except it was my mom, and I only got to see my dad for a few days every month. She only worked as much as she had to in order to get by (she received child support/alimony payments from my dad), and she ALWAYS yelled at me. It got to a point where I pretty much stopped talking for one year, because whenever I said something, she screamed about me having a "bad attitude".

I started to genuinely hate her after the divorce, but I didn't run away - and I don't think you should, either. This is another area where we both have something in common. We have a second parent who knows how difficult the first parent is, and we CAN turn to them for support. Running away won't solve anything - trust me on that. Where would you go and what would you do for a living at 12 years old? You can come up with all these plans for living at friends' homes, working odd jobs, etc. but the bottom-line is that you would be miserable, and without the support of your mother.

As much as I hate to say this, you need to do what I did for five years: tough it out. Coco had a great suggestion, which was to respond with kindness. It doesn't have to be genuine - you said you hate your father - but it's easier to yell at someone who is yelling back than it is to yell at someone who is smiling, agreeable, etc. Your behavior will probably confuse your father, and once he realizes he's not getting the reaction he wants from you, he may leave you alone (or start to look at his own behavior and even become NICER as a result).

In my case, I generally either didn't talk to my mom, or I said whatever I thought she wanted to hear. I did whatever I had to in order to avoid the yelling - which still happened, just not as often. As a result, I was grounded less often, and slowly given more privileges. When my dad bought me a car, my mom would allow me to drive it (yes, she DID threaten to take my car away at one point, even though my DAD bought it), and once I had the freedom to drive wherever I wanted after an argument with my mom, it made things MUCH easier to handle. As soon as I turned 18, I moved out of that house.

Again, I realize that you are 12, and this means dealing with your dad for six years... but I'm telling you that you CAN hang in there. I did for five years, and I didn't even have a parent in the same home who could support me. Not saying my situation was worse than yours, I'm just saying that you're a lot tougher than you think you are. You can do this. =)

(On a side note, if your father's behavior EVER escalates and becomes ABUSIVE, don't hesitate to contact the police, both for your sake and your mom's.)







Last edited by PSY; April 11th 2011 at 04:28 PM.
   
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Re: Dad problems - April 11th 2011, 12:38 PM

Thanks. I guess I can deal with it for another 6 years. I've done it for 12..... but it'll be hard to be nice to him because whenever he just enters the room, my temper in which I've mastered just rises up and makes me so mad! I try not to. But thanks Robin and Coco. I'll try to use your advice.
   
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Re: Dad problems - April 11th 2011, 06:49 PM

Hey there,

I know that you hate your dad for all these reasons. But what about the reasons why you love him? He is your dad, so there has to be something that you like about him. Regardless of your feelings for your dad, you still have to respect him. Are you no that close with your father? If you can't find anything that you like about your father, maybe you can do things to bond with him. You are 12, so you are stuck with him for another six years. I think it would be in your best interest to try and form some sort of relationship with him. Hate is hate, but you can't hate someone without loving them. You know? find the things that you LIKE about your father. Focusing on those things can help you a ton. I'm a fan of making the best of what you have. Trying that will help.<3

Take care.
-Lyndsee


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