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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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best friend ruined my confidence for the last time - April 10th 2011, 09:43 AM

TLDR; skip to bottom

I woke up this morning, went to class, then went to the mall to go prom shopping. While in Macy's, I found the most perfect amazing shoes for prom. So I bought them. I saw a few of my friends while I was there, and everyone was giving me complements and so excited for me to be going to prom, etc, etc. Anyway, so I go home, proud of my new shoes. It was the best I felt in a long time. Basically all the complements were a HUGE confidence booster. At school I try to act pretty confident, and I think I am for the most part. But like everyone, there are still a few things I'm insecure about.

So I go home and I post a picture of my shoes on my facebook news feed, and that's where everything starts going wrong. At first, it was great. People were still saying those are great shoes, etc, etc. I was talking with one of my girl friends about how much we love shoes and spend so much money on them and blah blah blah girl talk. But then my 'best friend' comments on it saying, "haahah! yeah you like sneakers, not fucken heels?!? the only time a girl would wear heels is at some kind of formal function, unless your the type of girl to wear heels all the time like my sister. but your not that type... sooo.... there would be no other use for them." So I reply, "You don't even see me outside of school, how would you know how I dress?" He in return says, "hah, oh god nicole its funny how you make yourself seem to other people. you NEVER wear heels these days, nicole. when was the last time you wore heels? prom? winterball? all FORMAL events. we live on kauai. no-one wears heels, unless they're going to a formal party. you said that i "never see you outside of school", so that must mean that you wear heels outside of school? sooo you wear heels to the mall? to the movies? to the beach?! get real? you like shoes, yeah. but not heels. you like sneakers." So I reply with "You're being a bitch over nothing. And yeah actually I DO dress up when I go out, just so you know. Im just not an idiot who would wear heels to school because it would make me look like a hoochie. FYI I wore heels in Honolulu, suck it."

We live in a pretty classless rural town, and people just assume if you know how to dress, you're a hoochie. At school anyway. So I'm pretty low-key -- like most girls. Sandals, shorts, done. I don't think heels are practical to wear at our school anyway. Too far to walk outside through the mud and grass.

But he insists on going on "HAHAHAHAHHA NICOLE YOU ARE TOOOOO FUNNY. really you wear HEELS when you go out?! HAH, bs. and you RARELY ever go oahu. the time you went up with natalie guys you wore heels? is that the oahu trip your talking about? if so, im gonna ask nat. and if thats not the time your talking about then you must be talking about some ANCIENT oahu trip, cause you RARELY go oahu. and did you even have heels back then? i bet the FIRST time you bought heels was like last year. so just shutup nicole cause your making yourself look like a dumbass and everyone knows it. so just stop trying to be someone your not and just be yourself. and the reason im making this a big deal, is because you ALWAYS try and make me look like the dumb one when i call you out on this kind of shit. how many times have you used heels within the last year besides prom, winterball, and military ball? PROBABLY NEVER. SO GET REAAAAL BRAH!" By this point, I should have just let him win. Arguing with a wall is pointless. But nope, I had to keep going. "And you wonder why I fucking get pissed off with you all the time? Its because you always instigate these stupid arguments over nothing and call me fake every time I try to do something I wanna do or every time I try to do something to make me feel good about myself. Seriously, sometimes you just piss me off so bad. But I know I piss you off too. So fuck it, we're just not gonna be friends anymore. It's not worth it already because all we do is fight over stupid shit. By the way, for HOSA and Mock Trial I HAD to wear pumps, just so you know." That was the last thing I said to him, but he replied "or if you just be yourself and not try to make yourself seem like somebody your not, then it would be okay. i can understand that someone can change from being tomboy from girly and its alright. but the thing is that you never wear heels. so for you to claim that you would buy heels because you like heels is proposturous." And a couple other people commented on it saying he was wrong and whatever and that I do actually dress up when we go out and I've been wearing heels since like 7th grade and blah blah blah, but that was kind of besides the point.

I know it shouldn't be something I should be bothered by -- an argument about heels. But honestly, the fact that he had to go and call me fake for like the 1,000,000th time really hurt me. I bought the shoes for me, not to impress him. Every time I try to buy new clothes, or shoes, or makeup, he calls me fake for it. Every time I try to hang out with friends besides him, he calls me fake and says that they're not my true friends. It's getting ridiculous.

The story gets better though. He messages me saying payback's a bitch. "ever thought about the things you say to other people and the shit you talk about them? that was just a little taste of how you make other people feel. MAINLY ME." And I never said anything after that. I don't even know what I did to hurt him. He says I know, but I honestly don't. He's never said anything before, and I'm not a fucking mind reader.

It's the end of junior year, so I don't have to deal with him for too much longer, but this isn't really how I wanted to end the year either. What should I do? Like I said, this isn't the first time it's happened, but I'm always stupid enough to go back to him. It's never been this bad before though. I try so hard to stay away, but he can go from being the sweetest guy ever to a complete dick in a matter of minutes. Help.

TL;DR -- 'Best friend' calls me fake constantly and talks so much shit to my face. Makes me feel like shit. Justifies it by saying I harass him all the time. Pushed me over the limit today. This isn't the first time it happened, but for some reason I'm stupid enough to always go back to him. I went from being on top of the world to rock bottom in a matter of minutes. How do I deal with his bullshit?
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: best friend ruined my confidence for the last time - April 10th 2011, 02:44 PM

From what I can tell, he isn't your friend, he is a manipulative bully. I suggest that you block him on Facebook and delete his comments.
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: best friend ruined my confidence for the last time - April 10th 2011, 03:27 PM

I say you drop him. He sounds like a class A douchebag. You don't need to be "friends" with someone who treats you like shit.
   
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Re: best friend ruined my confidence for the last time - April 10th 2011, 03:38 PM

Are you able to talk to him calmly and rationally about why he is saying that mean stuff to you and about you? If he doesn't give a good reason, then like these guys said before me, drop him as a friend. You don't want a friend who makes you feel inferior, trust me, those are bad.


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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: best friend ruined my confidence for the last time - April 10th 2011, 08:03 PM

If it's been going on for a while, get rid of him from your facebook account. You two seem to hate each other so why do you go back to him? Did you two have a healthy strong relationship in the past? There's an incredibly long list of possible reasons why he may act like this but at this point I don't think it matters. What matters is removing him from your facebook and ignoring him in-person. You mentioned others said he was being ridiculous and they supported you so go to them, thank them for what they did, etc... . He's just your typical bully who is playing a power game where the more he degrades you, the better in power he feels. In my view, it's pathetic on his part not because he's bullying but because he's bullying a female regarding her clothing and footwear. When I think of someone doing that, I think of someone who is quite weak socially and possibly mentally and physically as well, to a point where his sense of power comes from bullying a female over what she wears. I think many guys would also agree in saying that's pretty pathetic.

By the way, he mentioned a person "nat.", is that someone you know and like or is that someone you also dislike?


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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: best friend ruined my confidence for the last time - April 10th 2011, 09:59 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Man And XX Master View Post
You two seem to hate each other so why do you go back to him? Did you two have a healthy strong relationship in the past?

By the way, he mentioned a person "nat.", is that someone you know and like or is that someone you also dislike?
We used to be best best best friends at the beginning of this year. Like together forever through thick and thin.

And Nat was my roommate for the state HOSA conference this year. I don't really like or dislike her. I mean we're friends I guess, but not super close or anything.
   
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Re: best friend ruined my confidence for the last time - April 10th 2011, 11:56 PM

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Originally Posted by data dog View Post
We used to be best best best friends at the beginning of this year. Like together forever through thick and thin.

And Nat was my roommate for the state HOSA conference this year. I don't really like or dislike her. I mean we're friends I guess, but not super close or anything.
What happened to sever the relationship with him? It seems like he's fuming over that and wants to ruin you for making him feel like crap, even if you didn't intentionally do that.


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  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: best friend ruined my confidence for the last time - April 11th 2011, 12:11 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Man And XX Master View Post
What happened to sever the relationship with him? It seems like he's fuming over that and wants to ruin you for making him feel like crap, even if you didn't intentionally do that.
Nothing. He won't tell me. Just says that I know what I did and that he doesn't want to be friends with someone so fake.

And it's like if you don't wanna be friends, stop trying to talk to me after we have these fights.
   
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