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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

View Poll Results: Do you get on with your mum?
Yes 2 20.00%
No 3 30.00%
Sort of 0 0%
Sometimes 5 50.00%
Voters: 10. You may not vote on this poll

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Question To end contact with mum or not? - April 13th 2011, 03:19 PM

Hey, well I use to live with my mum and stepdad and have done for years. However, a year an a half ago I moved to live with my dad and stepmum. I did this because I hated living with my mum and didnt really want to see her again.

So yeah, Ive been putting off seeing her and have seen her like 3 times in the last year and a half. Im meant to be seeing her on saturday and I really dont want to go. I have my GSCE's in a few weeks and need the time to revise. I told her i was going cos i dont want to cause any trouble. Everytime I see her we argue, and i hate it. Tbh, i would rather never see her again,

If i say im not going to go then she will ring my dad and start having a go at him, and will cause all sorts of trouble. My stepmum says that this may cause her to properly fall out with me and may lead to me not seeing her again. But this is what I want?

What to do?
   
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Re: To end contact with mum or not? - April 13th 2011, 07:16 PM

Hello, Sophie. Welcome to TeenHelp! =)

I can't tell you what to do in regards to staying in touch with your mom. I certainly did not get along with my mom after my parents divorced, and I was forced to live with her for five years. I moved out the day I turned 18, and in my mind, I told myself that I would avoid contact with her at all costs. As the years have passed, however, my relationship with her HAS improved. We did go for about a year with minimal contact, and we still only choose to see each other 3-4 times per year, but there HAS been improvement, and I feel that our relationship can continue to improve over time.

I don't know if you will ever be able to improve your relationship with your mom. I don't know if you will have a change of heart like I did over time. I do believe, however, that if there is ANY doubt in your mind, you should see your mom. One Saturday is not that big of a commitment. If you were going to visit your mom for several days right before your exams, then I would understand your hesitation; however, it's just one day. It sounds like you are just looking for an excuse to not see your mom - and I believe she would view things in a similar light. So if there is ANY doubt about whether or not you want to continue your relationship with your mom, I would visit her. If you know that you don't want anything to do with her, then by all means, stay at home and study for your exams. Focus on the things that you do care about.






   
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Re: To end contact with mum or not? - April 13th 2011, 09:29 PM

Sophie,

I don't know the reasoning as to why you are wanting to completely cut off connection with her, but it might be best to talk to her. Be completely honest with her. Tell her why you don't want to see her. If she wants to cause some drama, let her. Eventually it's going to pass. Maybe you should take some time away from your mom, but don't cut her out forever. People change and grow, and maybe one day you can talk again and mend your relationship. I've learned in my past that it takes some time apart from people to realize how much they mean to you. You can also try and fix the relationship now. But either way, make sure you do what you feel is the right thing to do. And be honest with yourself and those who are involved. So, to answer your initial question, "to end contact with Mum or not?". It's completely up to you. Just make sure you think about all possible outcomes.


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Re: To end contact with mum or not? - April 14th 2011, 06:14 PM

Hmm yeah thanks x I spoke to her today and said I didn't want to go and shes gone mental. My dad doesn't want to speak to her and well im not left to deal with it all. But thanks for the advice :/
   
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