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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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The Kira Offline
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Exclamation My mother is jailing me, I can't live like this - April 18th 2011, 02:08 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Yesterday, I forgot my phone in my moms car. And she snooped through my text messeges and long story short, she found out that I am no longer a virgin at fifteen. She positively freaked out, screaming that she trusted me and my boyfriend, she gave a a more th 5 hour lecture on how disgusting and low I am.

This is the deal
  1. I am strictly forbidden to see/talk to/ in any way interact with my boyfriend
  2. I was forced to delete my tumblr account that I have used since 2009
  3. I had to delete my facebook
  4. I don’t have a phone anymore
  5. I am strictly forbidden to stay after school for GLASS (gay lesbian and straight alliance) which is so so so important to me
  6. I am not allowed out of the house
  7. I will not be going to prom
  8. The $500 that I am getting paid at the end of this week will be taken away so that I can’t buy a train ticket and run away
  9. I am not allowed to see any friends
  10. I am NOT allowed to do anything but homework and housework
  11. If my mother sees another cut on my body, she will submit me to a mental institute (that gives me an idea)
  12. She took with her any medication that I might overdose on
  13. If I so much as call my boyfriend and she finds out about it, she will “take the next step”
I can't deal with this, I just CANT. I am very in love with my boyfriend, and we really care for each other. He called my house phone and he said that he would try to get his mother to talk my mom into allowing us to spend time together, chaperoned or something like that. And I said this to my mom and she said that she will NEVER change her mind.
She told me that I ruined my life, that I will regret this more then anything else.

I can't deal with this, [edited] because I can't bare to not see him.
Please help me. Is there any legal way that I can object to her conditions? Keep in mind, the sex was consensual, I'm fifteen and my boyfriend is sixteen. WHAT CAN I DO, because I truly don't want to kill myself, but I will be living with my mom for at least three more years, unless I find a way to become independent at sixteen.

WHAT CAN I DO?


Stay forever lovely

Last edited by PSY; April 19th 2011 at 01:22 AM. Reason: Removed description of methods for committing suicide.
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PSY Offline
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Re: My mother is jailing me, I can't live like this - April 19th 2011, 01:20 AM

It's going to be okay. I know it doesn't seem that way right now, but things really will get better. It's just going to take some time.

Okay, I can see both points of view. On one hand, almost every mother I know would flip out of her 15-year-old daughter had sex. Heck, most of my friends think that's too young (and they had sex for the first time at 15/16 years old!). On the other hand, restricting you from seeing friends and enjoying extracurricular activities is a harsh punishment. Her heart may be in the right place (wanting to protect you, not wanting you to get pregnant), but the way she is going about this is all wrong. She is essentially cutting off your resources - and if you don't have those, you will find it harder and harder to cope with these negative feelings that haunt you.

Legally, there is nothing you can do. She isn't abusing or neglecting you, and she isn't interfering with your rights. She hasn't kicked you out of the house (she's required to provide shelter), and she hasn't pulled you out of school altogether (15-year-olds in most states are required to attend school). The punishments are not extreme in the physical sense (giving you so many chores that you are suffering from exhaustion/losing sleep on a regular basis), and it would be difficult to prove that these punishments are causing you emotional/psychological harm (especially since this has not been carried out for very long).

I honestly think your best bets are to do the following: talk to your mom, and talk to other trusted adults.

Arguing with your mom won't get you anywhere - if anything, she will just further restrict/punish you or extend the restrictions/punishments for several weeks/months. The best approach would be to demonstrate that you understand where she is coming from. Show her that you realize why you are being punished, and why she believes this is in your best interests. Again, DO NOT ARGUE that what she is doing is wrong. Instead, explain that you have difficulty coping with your negative feelings. That is probably why you started cutting in the first place. Seeing friends and going to GLASS meetings, however, help you to cope and reduce the amount of cutting. Tell your mom that, by cutting you off from those valuable resources, she is making it more difficult for you to find healthier ways to deal with your negative feelings. Respectfully request that she help you find ways to cope. That could mean letting you see friends and go to meetings under certain conditions (ex. only hang out at your place, come straight home after meetings), or letting you out of the house once per week and slowly allowing you to have more freedom with each passing week that has not resulted in cutting/self-destructive behavior. If she isn't willing to do that, then push her to help you find alternative means of coping.

That's where the other trusted adults come into the picture. Have you considered talking to a school counselor? How about seeing a psychological professional? It's important that you learn how to cope with these negative feelings - not just in the short-term while your mother is restricting/punishing you, but also in the long-term when you are living on your own and dealing with stressful situations. If you don't know much about the types of psychological professionals available to you, or if you don't know how your mom could afford appointments with a psychological professional, I urge you to read this article I wrote last year.

Finally, here's a list of alternative to self-harm. While it may be tempting to cut yourself in order to get away from your mother, I can assure you that being placed under psychiatric evaluation won't solve your problems. If anything, you will only be further restricted, as you will 1) no longer be able to take comfort by being alone in your room, and 2) be watched even more carefully when you DO return home.

I wish you all the best. <3 Feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk about what's going on.






   
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