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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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I can't help her. - April 21st 2011, 02:30 AM

I'm one of the only people she has that will truly listen and care about her, but I am at that point where I have a hard time helping people with their problems and don't want to get too involved.
All she ever does is come to me for advice. It's mostly about relationships. She knows that I don't date and have never had a steady relationship, but yet she comes to me for relationship advice and I don't fucking care, so I give her the crappiest advice. Any time she asks me for advice about anything, I tell her I'm horrible at givig advice and she seems to ignore it. I try my best, I really do, but sometimes I have a hard time getting concerned or taking her seriously when all she ever does is come to me talking about this guy or that guy or what they're doing to her or how she's "madly in love" with this guy (She's only 14), or how she can "see" something happening (We've had people die in our lives and she's convinced she'll be next), and I want to be concerned, I really do, but it's something I have no experience with and am tired of fucking hearing. I don't like texting her or a lot of people because I'm afraid she'll come to me with her problems.

She never has any lunch or any money to buy some at school. I try to give her a cheese stick or a cookie or something, depending on what I have, but a lot of the time she'll still ask for more, like if I give her the cheese stick she'll take some of my chips, or something, or if I have nothing to give her or all I give her is the cheese stick, after she's done eating that she'll sit there and whine about how not right it is for us to all be eating and her not. I gave her something to eat, and am not even required to give her that.
Or, at the mall, I'll always end up buying her a Monster or something to eat (only if I decide to eat there and not before I go, but I always end up splitting a Monster with her). On one occasion, I bought a set of bracelets for her (They were only two bucks after I purchased mine, no huge deal), and then on another, she took some of the bows I bought. All of this is starting to piss me off.
She's even obnoxious to be around for short, or even long periods of time now, and I'm not the only one of her friends who notices that. She can act quite immature for her age, which is fine sometimes, I like fooling around, too, but sometimes I just want to get something done or not feel slightly embarrassed to be near her.
All of this is really getting annoying, but I'm no good at speaking up. What should I do? Should I say anything, and what? I know her and know that she'll get really upset if I say anything to her, but I also don't want to not be friends with her. :S

Last edited by SparklingWine; April 22nd 2011 at 02:06 AM. Reason: Removing prefix to better fit with the guidelines.
   
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Re: I can't help her. - April 22nd 2011, 02:09 AM

The way I see it, she's going to feel upset no matter what you do. One of two things will eventually happen: you'll talk to her about what's going on, or you'll avoid the conversation and drift apart from her as a means of coping. One is direct and gives her the opportunity to modify her behavior, while the other is indirect and will leave her feeling confused and insecure.

You don't have to be blunt to the point of hurting her, but I wouldn't beat around the bush, either. You don't like giving her advice about relationships because you can't relate - so tell her to talk to someone else. If she doesn't have friends who can relate, then she could try talking to an adult or even come onto a website like TeenHelp! =)

You also don't like the current situation with buying her things and letting her take things that you bought. Set some clear boundaries about what you are willing to pay for and under what circumstances. For example, if you don't mind splitting a drink with her, tell her so. If you don't mind purchasing something cheap when there's a special deal (ex. the bracelets) or when it's a "buy one get one free" offer, tell her so. Under normal circumstances, however, she needs to start bringing her own money.






   
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