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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Keirasi Offline
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Question [not sure this belongs here] Am i right or wrong? - April 24th 2011, 04:30 AM

Well, the situation is pretty simple, i just need some advice, and your opinion.
I am in a long distance relationship. I live in Thailand, and my boyfriend in Vietnam. I am 14 years old, and he just turned 16.
The thing is, i'd like to go see him in Vietnam during my school break in May for 4 days, because i am not going to see him before 7 months. My parents doesn't agree with this.
What you should know is that i am with my boyfriend since June 2010, and our parents know each other pretty well. Stan (my BF) came to Thailand twice to visit me. My parents dont mind having him sleeping over at our place, but they wont let me go to his. I've tried talking to them, about sex, and trust, and his parents. Well, none of that is a problem for them, the only thing is i am somehow underage. They dont want to let their 14 years old daughter to fly alone WITH HER BROTHER to see her boyfriend and friends. In vietnam, Stan's parents offered me to stay at their place, so it wont be a problem for the hotel or whatever.
I think that's pretty unfair, because i have already flew to Switzerland from Thailand alone many times with my bro'.
I just dont really understand why they wont let me go. Cause it's not as if Stan was a complete stranger: our family know each other.
Last thing: my parents and i dont talk often: they're never at home, we leave notes on the fridge.

Now, im just asking what you all think? Are my parents right not to let me go? Or do i have another chance for seeing my BF in May? Any advice, opinion, point of view, or other arguments to convince my parents?
Thanks

Keirasi - Sophie .

PS; My BF has some personal problems. He's kind of weak and sensible right now, and suicidal too. I am afraid he might to anything stupid.. Maybe to the extreme point but he might hurt himself if he doesnt see me.


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Re: [not sure this belongs here] Am i right or wrong? - April 24th 2011, 04:50 AM

Hmmmm...I don't think you feel you have to see him because if you don't he will kill himself...that's not good!! You don't want him to be dependent on you for happiness and you don't want to have to be there reassuring him that you are the reason he should live on because one day you might die and he needs to know that he can be happy and productive with or without you..
Also, I think your parents are wrong..I personally think they should let you go because you would be at his house with his family and his parents and you guys have dated for a long time now and they know his family and your family and so on...
#1. I think they are not letting you go because they are nervous about what you would do with him without their surviellance or his family's surveillance. They might think you won't have sex but they probably think you guys will get close to doing a lot of stuff just under sex like hand jobs or other stuff.
#2. If you rarely see each other within the family and you all leave notes on fridges as to where you are or what you are doing than they don't have much monitoring or attention given to you and don't know you personally or well enough to judge just how serious you and your boyfriend would get during those 4 days. They should trust you but based on what they know about you and the statistics about sex and teenagers and pregnancies and STDs and more they don't.
#3. Also, they might not want you to be in such a serious committed relationship this early in life. They might think of this as a little bit too much of a commitment too early on for you considering you are 14 and he is 16 and they probably don't want you to be strapping yourself down to a boy that you will only see for a couple of times a year. Do they have any people where you live that they want you to date because it could be they don't want you on your way to marriage with this boy when you are 14 and not living with him and such and they might see someone better that lives closer by that they really want you to date. Just a thought there. Some parents want to make sure their children don't sacrifice too much in relationships. I don't know..I think there are some sacrifices you have to make but obviously, there is a balance to that too..

Just my thought girl! You're doing great though and I'm glad you and him are still together!
   
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Re: [not sure this belongs here] Am i right or wrong? - April 24th 2011, 02:42 PM

I'd try talking to your parents about this.

I can see why it makes them nervous, you're young, and in a long-distance relationship. Those are hard for adults, too. Most likely they're nervous because of your young age, and that you'd be too far away for them to have any say in what they do.

They do have a point, and the decision is ultimately theirs. If you want to give them your side of the argument, sit down with them and talk about it.

And a note about the suicidal part: I understand you care about him, but it's not your job to hop on a plane and stop his suicidal thoughts. It's important that you tell someone about them. If there's any chance he might hurt himself, you need to talk to someone about it. You could tell your parents, or, if you're more comfortable, tell his parents.

Good luck <3
   
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Re: [not sure this belongs here] Am i right or wrong? - April 24th 2011, 09:14 PM

I agree completely with Sam and Hannah. They both make great points. You can to look at it from your parents point of view. Why don't you think they are going to let you go? I don't think they are out of their wits for not letting you go. And this is why- they still get a say in these things, and they are doing what they feel is best. Not for their own selfish gain. They are probably worried and nervous for you to go to a foreign country with your boyfriend. When a boy is involved, things change. Parents get scared. They are probably worried for your safety and your well being, as they should be. I am not saying that you're in danger or that it's bad for you to visit your boyfriend, but it's probably how THEY see it, and they have the ultimate say. Which is unfortunate, but it's reality. My suggestion is that you talk to your parents. I know you say they are never home, so schedule a time. Try to see where they are coming from, and try to let them know where you're coming from. This is a good time to show how adult you are, and how ready for a trip you are.

Sam has a very good point about how it really isn't your job to fly to your boyfriend because he is suicidal. It's going to take more than an immediate fix to ease his suicidal thoughts. I know you want to be supportive, and you are. You're seemingly a great girl friend, and any boy would be lucky to have someone care as much as you. You should help him work through his depression, and encourage him to get help. His suicidal thoughts run deeper than just wanting you to visit him.


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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: [not sure this belongs here] Am i right or wrong? - April 25th 2011, 11:44 AM

First, thank you all for your replies.

I'll talk to my parents again, without getting angry or anything.
What if i try to make my parents call his? Cause his parents are inviting us and they kind of really want us to come (his mom loves me).
Ive ask some advice from my uncle and aunts, and they'll talk to my parents.
Honestly, im not planning to do anything stupid.

I talk to his brother about him being suicidal, and he said he'll keep an eye on him and talk to his parents if anything seems wrong.

Thanks to all!


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