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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Not Sure How To React - April 25th 2011, 02:42 AM

I feel really weird and I just need some help deciding something.

Basically, my friend got into an argument with me. She's my best friend, or at least was, and I felt that she was ignoring me, and now she's really pissed that I accused her of doing that.

Then she emailed me and spilled out everything... she says she's been diagnosed with ADHD, she knows herself that shes paranoid and overreacting about things. Then she mentioned that she has "fresh cuts"... I'm not going to lie, I knew well she was mentally damaged from the start. She doesn't act socially appropriately all the time, and she was always paranoid about stupid things.

But that's not the real problem. The problem is that, well, for some reason I don't care. I know, it sounds really heartless and disgusting, and I agree too that it is. On one end I really want to help her. I want to say sorry, that I know I was harsh and that I want to help her.

But at the same time, I'm having a hard time imagining doing that because I know I don't care. It's weird, not something I can control. I can pretend to cry for her, I can pretend to want to help her, but I know that inside it really doesn't matter to me.

I'm just kind of confused about myself at the moment. I don't know what to tell her or how to react. I want to try to help her but at the same time I can't bring myself to it because I know that I'm lying to myself. I've always been a very honest person, not just to others but myself, and I can't deny the honesty and pretend to care no matter how hard I try. It's cruel, it's wrong, it's horrible, even as I write this out I know that and think about that, but I know that lying to myself isn't going to fix anything.

I'm not even sure what I'm asking for, whether I'm asking for advice or a suggestion for a response or what... I guess I just need to spill it.
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Re: Not Sure How To React - April 25th 2011, 07:13 AM

Well, I ended up telling her that I was sorry. It's weird though... as I was writing it I was just crying lightly to myself, and yet for some reason I felt no pain, not towards her or myself or anything.

And now, I'm still wondering to myself if I actually care... I'm wondering if lying to myself is just going to make me say the wrong thing or something, and make it all worse. How can I say the right thing if it's not coming from my heart? What's wrong with me? Why can't I feel? Am I really this egocentric? I'm so confused. I don't want to hurt her, and I think ignoring her will since I don't have a choice but to see her everyday will... and yet for some reason my heart can't feel sad that I might be losing a good friend of mine. What is wrong with me?
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Re: Not Sure How To React - April 25th 2011, 03:03 PM

You're in a very difficult situation right now. If you don't care, don't pretend like you do. That's only going to hurt her, and lying for the sake of not hurting someone is wrong in my opinion. You say you're always one to tell the truth- well, I think when she asks for your help, tell her that you don't know how to help because it's not a subject you know much about or you're not particularly interested in it. I know that sounds harsh, but if you want to tell her the truth, then tell her. Don't beat around the bush.. But if you aren't comfortable;e telling her the truth, then just say you're not knowledgeable on the topic, or maybe suggest another person she can talk to. Either way, it's going to be awkward. But it's best that you don't lie.

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