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adviceplease Offline
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Unhappy what to do? :S - April 29th 2011, 07:11 PM

My life is pointless, my parents are no help, they shout and complain all the time, everything is my fault and my exams are soon and i have been freaking out for months, my best friend has a boyfriend and i only see her every other Saturday but when i see her she only talk about how perfect he is, or how there not getting along, and they explodes on me when i try to talk to her about me, i text her sometimes and she is usually having a go at me because i'm hanging around with different people, and she isn't even there, so i have no one to talk to.
I need advice, please help me .
Thanks x
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Re: what to do? :S - May 2nd 2011, 06:26 PM

Hey there! Welcome to TeenHelp, and I'm sorry it took a while for you to receive a response.

First of all, your life is not pointless. It may feel that way at times, but people often go through phases where they feel incredibly productive and have a sense of purpose, as well as go through phases where they feel useless and wonder what they are meant to do with their lives. Right now, I'm sure the stress of what's going on at home, at school, and with your friend is causing you to experience some doubts and feel a bit insecure. I assure that those doubts and insecurities will pass, however, and you'll find that drive to excel again (whether it be with relationships, academics, or personal goals you've set for yourself). It's just going to take some time, because as long as you're stressed, you'll find it's more difficult to see things clearly. Once you start to tackle each problem individually, however, you'll start to feel better about life as a whole. =)

Alright, let's tackle the first issue. Exams. They're unavoidable. You're bound to get stressed out, BUT there are things you can do to relax and better prepare yourself for them. Be sure to pace yourself - study for an hour or two every day, vs. cramming everything into the 2-3 days before your exams. Take frequent, short study breaks, so you don't "burn out". Get some fresh air - staying locked up in a stuffy room for weeks on end will affect your health, which will affect your test performance. Ask for assistance from a tutor/teachers if need be, or even consider buying some test prep books if they're available. Finally, know that the exams will come and go. You won't always be stressed out over these, and once they're done, you need to learn to let go and avoid worrying constantly about how you did, what your final score will be, how you did compared to your classmates, etc. Take comfort in knowing that you did the best you could.

Now I'll move on to your parents. I think it might help to make a list:

What leads to the problem ---------- What the problem is ---------- What the solution could be

For example, let's say your parents start complaining about how you don't try hard enough in school. That would be the problem. After identifying the problem, it might help to identify what led up to the problem. Did they observe you watching TV instead of studying? If so, the solution may be to explain that you were just taking a quick study break. If you were watching TV for a couple of hours instead of studying, however, then the solution may be to apologize, and work out a better schedule to ensure you study for longer than you watch TV every day. Some problems, unfortunately, may not have easy solutions, because your parents may have other issues that are beyond your control. For example, financial and marital problems can put a strain on their relationship. As a result, they may lash out at you. One solution could be to point this out to your parents, and ask that they talk to each other instead of taking their frustration out on you, as you have done nothing wrong. The key is to communicate with your parents. If you can't talk to them directly, then try writing a letter.

Finally, I'll discuss your friend. Again, I think the key is to communicate with your friend. It sounds like she isn't the most reasonable person, which can definitely make things more frustrating for you. When someone is being that unreasonable and hostile, it may be tempting to beat around the bush in order to avoid upsetting them, or to even put your own needs aside in order to stay in her good graces. You can't do that. You need to be very direct (not hostile like she has been, but be very clear) about what you see, what you want, and what needs to change. Tell your friend that, from your point of view, all she ever seems to talk about is her boyfriend. Explain that you don't mind hearing about her boyfriend, and that you are willing to help her out if things aren't going well, BUT there needs to be balance in your topics of conversation. You can't always talk about the same thing, regardless of how important it is... otherwise, the friendship wouldn't have enough variety, and it would become boring. If that is one reason why you have been spending more time with other friends, let her know! You want variety, and right now, your friend is only talking about one thing. Let her know that you like her as a friend, but the friendship is growing weaker because you don't talk about other things. You can do that with other friends, but not with her. Let her connect the dots from there. When you present all of this information to her, do so lovingly and without any accusations on your end. Even if she was in the wrong, coming after her will put her on the defensive, and your friendship may take another hit as a result.

I wish you all the best. Take care! =D

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help and advice, i need a life

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