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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Angry My mom is the reason why there is tension in the house.. - May 1st 2011, 01:08 AM

Well our household is a bit, horrible right now, i think this is going to be a long-ish post btw.. and ive posted a thread similar to this not long ago but things flared up today and i just wanna tell people :/

Alright, so my oldest sister (21) hasn't moved out yet, and still living with us, and her boyfriend moved in because they had a baby (unplanned btw!) So now there is eight of us in our house. Its not a tiny house, 5 bedrooms, but its not big enough for 8 of us basically, and theres so much tension in the air.
My sister and her boyfriend are saving up, and there dying to get out of the house and get there own place but they want a mortgage to save up for their own house, and soon they'll have enough, but its hard for them for several unimportant reasons
Anyway, my mom and dad went on holiday (we didnt want to go) and the house was so jolly and stuff! And then litreally - my mom gets home and the house is suddenly dull again; shes crying about the house sayings its a 'shit hole' (even though its really not, its just hard with 8 people one of which is a messy baby to keep it spotless! but we clean every day!) and a whole load of other things.
Well since she got back from holiday,well ive never seen her this bad before; she's got this sour look on her face, all the time, talks to us differently, like were a dissapointment.And then, omg i could of slapped her today, she was on the phone to her friend moaning about the house and stuff, and she said i dont get any help off the kids. Well i could of killed her at that moment, whos the one who when i get home from school every day, emptys the dishwasher, and vaccuums!? Whos the one that polishes, does washing when im in on the weekends? ME. She knows this, yet the amount of times i've heard her say this to her friend and myself is unreal. My 19 year old brother does fuck all, absoloute fuck all! And hes treated like a prince! Im 14 and i do all of this? I go and bloody buy bin bags, milk, bread etc when we need it, usually out of my own money!
I've never known somebody so ungrateful in my life.
I was saying how she has no real reasons to be acting like this, to my sister in the kitchen today, and my mom came out with Thanks Louise! So i had just about enough, and said to her, well in raised voice.. Mom, you really dont have any reasons to be acting like this though! There are people out there with nothing and proper reasons, yet they still manage to find happiness. And by proper reasons she knew what i meant, her own sister has had a horrible life, an awful relationship and lots and lots of other stuff, andshes going through some shit right now, so she knowns what i mean by real reasons.
And what does my mom come out with?
Yes i do have real reasons, i have sunday and monday off, and theres piles of washing to be done!!!
I couldnt beleive the words that had just come out of her mouth, because of washing and cleaning she was making all of us miserable day in, day out. I called her a pathetic little child and walked out into the garden.
Shes always coming in from work huffing, sighing. She moans how she has no time for herself, or any time to get the cleaning done, but she spends half of her day either at work, in bed, or in the garage smoking and drinking coffee!
She really is pathetic, and one day i'll end up doing something i regret.
   
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Re: My mom is the reason why there is tension in the house.. - May 2nd 2011, 01:02 AM

I suggest trying to get along with her. Unless fighting her helps it maybe the best way to make her feel better and for you and everyone else to not have to deal with her bad tempor. Goodluck!


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Re: My mom is the reason why there is tension in the house.. - May 2nd 2011, 07:19 PM

Calling your mother a pathetic little child isn't going to help at all - even if she does act that way at times. Your mom may come home whining and complaining, and she may not help out around the house, but she IS working. That's nothing to poo-poo at. Working five days a week can be pretty tiring, and I don't blame her for wanting to vent every now and then to her friend.

With that being said, the way she's going about all of this isn't right, just as your calling her a pathetic little child and talking behind her back isn't right, either. I strongly suggest you encourage everyone to sit down as a family and have a CALM conversation about what can be done to improve the mood in the household. I'm going to quote most of my response to your previous thread, since I'm not sure if you ever saw it:

"Your best bet may be to get together as a family and talk about the negative atmosphere in your household. Don't single your mother out, because even if she is the root of the problem, you are ALL reacting to her negativity and contributing to the overall negative atmosphere. There is only so much you can do for your mother. You can offer to help out around the house, as can your father and siblings... but if she just happens to be a "negative person" (which many people are!), then you'll have to resort to helping yourselves. Learn to let your mother's emotions roll off you vs. getting under your skin. People who readily pick up on negative emotions either become negative and emotional people themselves, or they learn to toughen up and find ways to maintain a positive attitude regardless of what the people around them are feeling. You and your family members need to find ways to cope with your mother, should she be unwilling or unable to change."






   
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Re: My mom is the reason why there is tension in the house.. - May 2nd 2011, 08:37 PM

I know what im doing isnt right, but i just have such a temper on me and i find it hard to control
She had that sour look on her face again all day, huffing again, i really have tried talking and not moaning but nothing seems to get through and i can feel us getting futher apart. I think once my sister moves out it wont be as stressful. I just hope that time hurries up tbh.
As i said, i honestly have tried sooo many times to talk to her but she carries on doing it, my dad just seems oblivious to her moaning now.
Oh no, i must of missed that post for some reason!
Yeah i definetley become negative once i pick up on her moods and stuff, i do try and ignore it, but sometimes it gets too much!
   
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Re: My mom is the reason why there is tension in the house.. - May 2nd 2011, 10:46 PM

Haha, no problem! I know there were several posts, so I'm sure mine got lost somewhere in there. =P But anyway, I know it's hard. This is by no means meant to be an insult, but I remember what it was like to be 14. I was quick to react and I couldn't let things go easily. I also had a hard time seeing things from other people's points of view. That becomes easier to do with time. Consider this experience with your family excellent practice for the rest of your life! xD

I'm sure your sister is adding a great deal of stress, and I hope your mom's mood improves after she's gone. It still couldn't hurt to try and get together as a family and discuss it, though, because there may be things everyone can do in the meantime. Sometimes, when one person tries to get their point across, it doesn't work. If you AND your dad AND your sister all try to talk to your mom during a family meeting, however, she may realize how her negativity is affecting everyone. Maybe you guys can come up with solutions as a family. I know your sister can't move out as quickly as she would like, but while she's waiting, maybe she can help out around the house. It also sounds like your brother could (and should) pick up some of the slack, too.

And if there isn't anything more to do (as far as chores go), then maybe your sister and brother could do something extra-nice for your mom once or twice a week, like making dinner for her or preparing a movie night. Hey, Mother's Day IS coming up soon - so maybe that would be the perfect time to reaffirm that you love her and do appreciate what she does for the family. Then, once she realizes that you're all committed to improving the family environment, she'll be more open to the idea of having a family meeting. =D






   
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Re: My mom is the reason why there is tension in the house.. - May 3rd 2011, 04:59 PM

Thanks!
I do think that would work, if not just me tried and speak to her properly
Tbf to my sister, she does help around the house but not as much as she makes out paha!
I don't think there is any hope in my brother helping hes a lazy git; and because he has a very bad temper he's worse than me and moans at my mom if she asks him to do anything, so she doesn't, she wants to keep peace but if he carries on not doing anything - and not even paying rent there wont be peace between us. Its bloody unfair!
I just hate how my mom moans saying she has no time for herself; when she does, she works shifts as a manager at a mental health home she gets two full days off, and two half a days off, i've told her a billion times, two days could be spent cleaning/washing etc and the third day chilling out and doing your thing; and plus she can book days off now and then, and holidays (shes just frigging been on holiday!) and she has evenings to chill..
Oh gosh ^_^
   
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