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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Jessielove Offline
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He's so...weird sometimes. - March 7th 2009, 05:38 PM

I have this best friend who means more then the world to me and I love him to death. We had plans to hang out today, Saturday, well he got into a fight with his parents so he can't come over anymore. I was upset, but okay with it till he went suicidal and then I couldn't take it. He told me he wanted to kill himself, then hung up. I called back a few seconds later and his dad picked up saying he was okay and they were talking. But that didn't help me, I can't stop crying because of it.

I mean, he'd admitted to me that he has the guts to kill himself and he would do it. He keeps asking me what's wrong with him while he cries and I try to tell him nothing is wrong, that he's fine, but he never listens to me. I don't like seeing my best friend like this because he's the only one I've ever cared this much for. I've loved people, but never so much. I'm at the end of my rope when it comes to him though. I mean, he knows I'm going through therapy for a lot of problems and that it's hard for me to be okay normally, but to be honest...I don't care about myself. What can I do for him to help him? I don't want to lose him and I want him to be okay.


When you fall, don't always expect someone to pick you up. Do it yourself, you're stronger then you think. Brush yourself off and keep your head high.

"She loves me, she loves me not, despite the fact I smell like pot, I write this poem to you Jessie, are you my lady love to be?" -
sphynx

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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: He's so...weird sometimes. - March 7th 2009, 06:00 PM

To help him you just have to be there for him when he needs you. Also you should realize that he says he wants to kill himself, then not everything is fine. Just talk to him often, give him lots of hugs, and tell him you'll be there for him. Believe me... it helps.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Jessielove Offline
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Re: He's so...weird sometimes. - March 7th 2009, 06:35 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by somerandomkidmike View Post
To help him you just have to be there for him when he needs you. Also you should realize that he says he wants to kill himself, then not everything is fine. Just talk to him often, give him lots of hugs, and tell him you'll be there for him. Believe me... it helps.
I talk to him as much as I can. He broke his phone, so we call each other from his house phone. And I hug him so much when I see him, but he lives about an hour away, so we only see each other one weekends. He knows I'm here for him, I tell him that all the time. I want him to come to me if anything is wrong.


When you fall, don't always expect someone to pick you up. Do it yourself, you're stronger then you think. Brush yourself off and keep your head high.

"She loves me, she loves me not, despite the fact I smell like pot, I write this poem to you Jessie, are you my lady love to be?" -
sphynx

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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: He's so...weird sometimes. - March 8th 2009, 12:51 AM

Hey, Jessie

If he's suicidal, then coming to you may not be his first instinct; you might have to go to him and check up on him to show him that you actively care. It's nothing that you can change yourself, but you can definitely be there for him (which it sounds like you're trying to do) but admit that while everything is not fine, he can change that. And you'll be there to help and encourage him while he gets better. He may not want to bother you because of your own issues (if he knows about them, idk) but you can let him know that you're always open and very much want to help in whatever way you can; even if it's just listening and telling him how much he means to you.

Just keep in mind that if you're messed up, you won't be as effective at helping him so if something comes up that you need to take care of don't push your own problems back in favor of his. The only thing you can do is be his friend, and he'll appreciate that especially during this.

Hope this helped, PM me if you want to talk about anything

-marissa


When you say "never", I'll say "lie"
When you say "always", I'll say "true"
When you say "love", I'll say "you"
I'll say "you"

It gets better.
   
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Re: He's so...weird sometimes. - March 8th 2009, 09:40 PM

Hey Jessie. I'm sorry you're having a hard time figuring out what you can do about your friend. I know that it doesn't always feel like you can do much to help, or like what you do is not enough, but the friend you are being right now IS enough. Calling him to make sure he was okay was a great thing for a friend to do, and I bet that made him feel at least a bit cared about. The good thing is that it sounds like he does have his family aware of his suicidal thoughts and at least some of his problems. I know it's tough, but there's just certain things that you can't always be able to do, as a friend. Have you ever encouraged him to try to see someone, like a therapist? Personally, I think that the most you can honestly do is let him know how much you care. Maybe call him occasionally, make sure he's okay, ask if he needs to talk, things like that. Even thought it might not seem like it, being a good friend is help enough, at times. It would be great if you could do more then listen and be there and try to make him feel better, but what you're doing already means a lot.

Good luck to you and your friend.





A lonely soul in a land of broken hearts


   
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Re: He's so...weird sometimes. - March 9th 2009, 04:15 AM

No one would kill themselves with a friend as concerned and dedicated as you.
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
Jessielove Offline
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Re: He's so...weird sometimes. - March 9th 2009, 07:36 AM

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Originally Posted by wtp View Post
No one would kill themselves with a friend as concerned and dedicated as you.
Yeah...too bad I'm pretty sure I'm way more dedicated then he is.
Plus, he still threatens to do it. We've been best friends for almost two months and he knows I care so much, but he's still talk about doing it. He freaked at me last night because we talked about it and he's went, "Why do you even worry so much about me? I didn't say I was going to kill myself, I said I wanted to kill myself."
And I just kind of went, "When someone tells you they have the guts to kill themselves and they become suicidal, you worry. You'd do the same thing if I had the guts."


When you fall, don't always expect someone to pick you up. Do it yourself, you're stronger then you think. Brush yourself off and keep your head high.

"She loves me, she loves me not, despite the fact I smell like pot, I write this poem to you Jessie, are you my lady love to be?" -
sphynx

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  (#8 (permalink)) Old
asyoulikeit Offline
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Re: He's so...weird sometimes. - March 9th 2009, 04:35 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jessielove View Post
Yeah...too bad I'm pretty sure I'm way more dedicated then he is.
Plus, he still threatens to do it. We've been best friends for almost two months and he knows I care so much, but he's still talk about doing it. He freaked at me last night because we talked about it and he's went, "Why do you even worry so much about me? I didn't say I was going to kill myself, I said I wanted to kill myself."
And I just kind of went, "When someone tells you they have the guts to kill themselves and they become suicidal, you worry. You'd do the same thing if I had the guts."
Well, since he seems unstable right now it's not like you'd expect him to be dedicated to anything anyway; that's why you're doing all this for him, because you care even when he's not responding well.

You worded your reply very well in the post, but how did he react to it?


When you say "never", I'll say "lie"
When you say "always", I'll say "true"
When you say "love", I'll say "you"
I'll say "you"

It gets better.
   
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
Jessielove Offline
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Re: He's so...weird sometimes. - March 10th 2009, 04:05 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by asyoulikeit View Post
Well, since he seems unstable right now it's not like you'd expect him to be dedicated to anything anyway; that's why you're doing all this for him, because you care even when he's not responding well.

You worded your reply very well in the post, but how did he react to it?
I'm not expecting anything, really I'm not. But I'm unstable too and he knows this. I'm like the worst person to come too and he knows that as well, but he says he comes to me because I'm his best friend.

He just kind of shut up for a little and went, "I guess..."


When you fall, don't always expect someone to pick you up. Do it yourself, you're stronger then you think. Brush yourself off and keep your head high.

"She loves me, she loves me not, despite the fact I smell like pot, I write this poem to you Jessie, are you my lady love to be?" -
sphynx

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