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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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How should I go about doing this? - May 4th 2011, 10:11 PM

// I hope this is the right place for this thread. It could have fit in the relationships section, but this is really a problem dealing with my mom, not with my boyfriend. Either way, please move it if I've misplaced it! //

My boyfriend-ish person (it's complicated--distance does that to you ), who lives in Europe, is planning to come visit me for the first time this July. I'm very excited, especially since we've been waiting nearly four years to finally meet each other in person. We've been very careful to not upset our family members, even if they might not agree with our long-distance relationship, and so far it has gone... considerably well.

His parents are very supportive of him, and they are even helping him to pay for his trip.

Mine, on the other hand, want nothing to do with it as far as I can tell. My mom regularly makes "jokes" meant to slight us, and sometimes they're even cruel. I think she simply assumes that my relationship with this guy is sexual, and honestly it isn't like that. She has previously told me over the years that there is no way she'd ever let him stay in our house if he decided to visit one day, and she'd try to prevent me from spending too much time with him.

My guy is fine with staying in a hotel, and there's really no way she can keep me from going to see him (since he and I are both 19, after all). Truthfully I could probably get through this without her help at all... but I don't want to do that. My relationship with my mom has always been relatively good. We have our spats, but she really is my friend as well as my mother, and I don't want to jeopardize that.

I haven't even talked to her about my plans for this summer yet. I'm afraid to. I want her permission and her help, but I don't know how to ask without ruffling any feathers. While I can't convince her to support me, I certainly don't want her to be angry with me.

How do I talk to her about this? I've been really trying for a week, but I just can't bring myself to do it in fear of saying something that will start up an unnecessary argument.

On the side, my dad is pretty much useless. He is emotionally non-existent, and we're pretty much fine that way. He'll complain about the logistics, but once I've talked to my mother, I doubt he'll have much to say about it.

Please don't tell me I shouldn't be trying to meet up with this guy. We talk on webcam regularly, and I've even met his parents in that way. We send gifts via mail and have chatted online nearly every single day for the past four years. We understand the risks involved and will take every precaution to protect ourselves from each other if it comes down to that.

Any advice would be fantastic. Like I said, I'm old enough to make my own decisions, but since I live with my parents and he'd be over daily, neither he nor I want to upset anyone, just in case our relationship becomes really serious.

I feel like I'm too old to be having an issue like this one. I'm terrible at being a young adult. What 19 year old wants permission from her mom? Sheesh.

And sorry if this is a tad long!




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Re: How should I go about doing this? - May 5th 2011, 08:16 AM

You're like me. I'm in long distant relationship and we've been together for 11 months and on going, I found it hard to blurt out to my mum but she didnt take it well and wouldnt accept it, I tried to tell her to accept it but she said she's not keen about her but once I say things about my girlfriend, she started to take it in a little more but not completely. It doesn't heal much. Because I met my girlfriend through a friend online.. Tell me about it Wow, I even ask my mum for premission to see her. Tell me about it haha.. I know I know it's because I'm deaf but isn't any different to you.

PM me if need. Ive been through everything. <3


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