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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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I'm ALWAYS the one who gets left out. - May 7th 2011, 11:24 PM

I'll try to condense this so it doesn't drag on forever :P

There's always been a group of friends I've hung around with for the last couple of years. We've been pretty close. And we've done most everything together. Until earlier this year, one of the girls who I thought I was friends with, turns out she doesn't like me. And I reallllllllllly don't take kindly to people who pretend to be my friend, yet talk about me like I'm their worst enemy behind their back. So, we had kind of a falling out. It's never been resolved although I apologized the day we got into a fight, all I got from her were nasty text messages. Let's just call her .. Anna.

But....

I guess I've just been kicked out of the 'group' so to speak.

Two weeks ago, my friend asked me to go to the movies last minute, so I did, because I wasn't up to much. On the drive there, he said 'Oh, I would have invited you before but Anna was coming, but she bailed last minute' which made me feel kind of shitty.

Last night, they had a party .. which I wasn't invited to.

And tonight they had another party, on the beach since one of them has a cottage there. Not invited again. My 'friend' texted me and said 'I'm sorry I didn't invite you, but Anna is here.' So, I guess because she can't apologize to me, I can't be included in anything anymore. And I'm not going to waste my time trying to walk around on egg shells because this girl can't grow up and be in the same room with me.

I'm just really upset because they NEVER ask me to do things anymore, but they always ask her ........ and well, I don't have a problem with her, honestly, I'm not going to be a bitch to her if we're all just hanging out. I've told everyone this, so it's clearly HER that has the problem. And they're picking her over me it hurts a lot


It's better to cross the line &
suffer the consequences
than to just stare at the line
for the rest of your life.

   
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Re: I'm ALWAYS the one who gets left out. - May 9th 2011, 01:34 AM

I would pull each of your friends aside, either individually or as a group, and tell them that while you appreciate their attempts to be sensitive about Anna's feelings, it's only starting to hurt YOUR feelings when they exclude you from every get-together. Explain that this is a problem between you and Anna - and there is no reason for them to feel like they have to choose one side or the other. They do not have to invite one person or the other - they can invite both of you, remaining neutral and continuing to be friends with the both of you.

It's important to swing this in a way that DOESN'T make Anna look like the most horrible, unreasonable person in the entire world. If your friends think that you are attacking Anna, they'll probably continue to leave you out. If you can show them how their attempts to be sensitive about Anna's feelings are actually making things worse for the group as a whole, however, then they'll be more likely to agree with your reasoning and start inviting both of you to the same events from now on, choosing to remove themselves from the conflict.






   
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