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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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JustListen Offline
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Friend is acting a bit... odd? - May 15th 2011, 09:14 PM

My best friend has been acting differently lately.
She keeps complaining of not being able to get to sleep at night, and bad dreams most nights. Also, she keeps feeling like she's going to throw up at random moments, mostly when we're walking to school together in the mornings.

Also just lately, she's been being meaner than usual. It's all "just joking" from the way she delivers it, but they are quite scathing remarks, and it's not like her to say those sort of things, even in jest.
Plus her self-confidence has plummeted, when she usually is quite happy in her life.

I just put this all down to stress for our upcoming exams, but then something weird happened.

I was round her place this weekend, revising, and I found a bunch of letters amongst her revision work when she was downstairs making food. I wouldn't have normally snooped so badly, but the first few lines of the top letter shocked me - it was really abusive. The rest of the letter was similar; abuse, mockery, put downs, and the other letters were the same. They were all dated over the past week or so. But the worst thing - she'd written them to herself. Her handwriting and she'd signed them. This really freaked me out, but I didn't say anything when she back because I felt bad for snooping and I was kinda scared. The writing was really nasty.

Does anyone know what's up with her? I know I should probably talk to her about it, but I don't really know how to go about it. This seems to be a bit more than stress now, and I'm worried


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But to be honest there's a part of me
That loses control




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The things that used to mean so much to me...
have gone the way of dinosaurs...
hopes and dreams, and everything...
   
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Re: Friend is acting a bit... odd? - May 15th 2011, 10:44 PM

I think now would be a good time to weigh the pros and cons of talking to your friend about how you feel. The pros: she might tell you what's wrong, she might agree to get help if you encourage her to do so, and her overall mental well-being may improve as a result. The cons: she may be upset with you, she may stop talking to you, and you may lose her as a friend.

Now let's look at the pros and cons of NOT talking to your friend. The pros: you avoid a potentially difficult conversation. The cons: your friend may continue to put herself down, your friend's condition may worsen, and your friend may eventually resort to more drastic measures - for example, physical self-harm, substance abuse, or even suicide.

In my opinion, I think you have a lot more to lose if you DON'T talk to her. For some people, there comes a time when your friendship faces the ultimate test: will you do whatever it takes to maintain the friendship, or will you do whatever it takes to help a friend - even if it means you could lose that friend? Holding back will only benefit YOU in the end. You would be doing your friend a disservice. Talking about what you've witnessed and what you've read, however, can go both ways. She may not want to speak to you, or she may realize that she's not alone in her struggles and that she can tell you what's going on.






   
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Re: Friend is acting a bit... odd? - May 16th 2011, 06:15 PM

Hey there. Wow, that sounds really tough to go through. I think your friend is going through something pretty big. Big enough to want to inflict pain on herself. Your friend is in danger. Of herself. I think you need to talk to her. State your claims. Say that you were really worried about her, and you came across some writing towards herself. She may feel alone, so make sure that you tell her how much she means to you, and that you're there to support her whenever she may need you. Try to help her through this. I hate to say, but if she doesn't stop hurting herself, you're going to need to tell someone about this. Do you have a teacher or a trusted adult you can tell about this? It might be hard because she might be mad, but it basically comes down to life or death for her. Self harm is not something to be taken lightly. You're a great friend for caring so much. Hang in there<3


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