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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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smurf90210 Offline
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Exclamation Moral Dilemma! Please Help! - May 17th 2011, 02:31 AM

This is kind of a long story with a lot of background, so please bear with me.
Last year I dated a girl who turned out to be a total bitch and i was blind to it. I finally dumped her when I realized that she had been cheating on me with a friend. She started spreading a lot of rumors about me and she enrolled in classes just because i was in them. She also started to befriend a lot of people who were close to me. She happened to befriend my best friend who has had a lot of depression problems in the past, and has never done well in the area of women. So my ex starts to flirt with him and use him just to get closer to me. Long story short, she has been leading him on and then bitching at him at will. Due to his past, he cannot seem to kick her out of his life. Everytime she posts on his wall on facebook, she is yelling at him for something, and i can tell that it is really taking its toll on him physically and mentally. I have talked to him many times about it, but he cannot seem to bring himself to tell her to shove off.
So, my question is, should I keep trying to talk to him about it, or should I confront her directly? She has a lot of dirt on me that could really hurt me if it got out there. (I want to become a cop, and anything bad on my record could jeapordize that dream). Should I throw myself in the line of fire to help him out, or should i just see how it plays out? (this has been going on for almost 9 months now, it has not just recently surfaced)
   
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Re: Moral Dilemma! Please Help! - May 17th 2011, 04:59 PM

Only you know the answer to that one mate. Are you willing to put yourself in the firing line or are you willing to watch your friend suffer? Do you think it would actually help confronting her at all, cos if it won't then I'd probably say you'd be better off not bringing up. It's a tricky one and I honestly don't know what I'd do if I were in your situation. I guess you just have to work out deep down what's more important to you. Let us know what you decide.
   
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Re: Moral Dilemma! Please Help! - May 18th 2011, 02:24 AM

You definitely should not talk to her directly, that is just asking for trouble. You might be able to talk to your friend about her, if you haven't said it already say "I don't like when someone speaks so negatively towards you, or puts you down." Don't bring up your past relationship with her, unless she did something criminal that he must know about. The next thing to say after that would be delicate and depend on his response. The most important thing is to show that you support your friend without being too controlling. This might be done by offering suggestions and avoiding the phrase "you should just dump her." Even if dumping her is the best thing for him, it might not be the best thing for you to say. I hope some part of what I said might help you, best of luck.
   
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Re: Moral Dilemma! Please Help! - May 18th 2011, 02:46 AM

Your friend has to man up. Honestly it's not your problem. Despite that fact that she is indeed a "Bitch" you yourself said to be "Blind to it".
This probably means the same for your friend. Leave him figure it out, don't ruin your friendship by being his mother. Unless he's getting married to her it's nothing serious and he will figure it out. There really isn't any harm in leaving him learn himself.



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Re: Moral Dilemma! Please Help! - May 19th 2011, 11:54 PM

UPDATE: Thanks for all of the suggestions. As I was pondering what to do, I read on my friends facebook that she had left him. He's extremely depressed now, but hopefully with time he will see that things will get better. Once again thanks for all the help!
   
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Re: Moral Dilemma! Please Help! - May 19th 2011, 11:59 PM

That's good to hear Glad you didn't have to actually get involved
   
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Re: Moral Dilemma! Please Help! - May 20th 2011, 12:08 AM

smurf90210: Good, but because your friend has depressive issues, be there for him and be a buddy.
Glad to see he's ridden of the diease though.

- Justin



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