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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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sweet_angel1993 Offline
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How Do I Get Through These Last 2 Years? - May 20th 2011, 03:07 AM

I'm 17 and I was planning on spending the summer at my grandma's and then moving back there when I graduate next year, but I just got braces and if I change orthodontist before I get them off then I have to pay for the rest of them which is like $1500. So I'm pretty much stuck here all summer and for another year after I graduate. I can't even move out of my mom's or my insurance will stop paying for my braces. My mom and I have never gotten along and we never will. We can't be in the same room together for longer than 2 seconds without yelling. She hates that I remind her of my dad. She hates that I go to my grandma for everything instead of her. My grandma is more like a mom to me. She's always trying to be my friend then when I do something she doesn't like she yells at me. She gets mad at the stupidest things. She's the reason I'm always stressed out. She's tried to hit me a few times and I just looked at her and was like do it and see what happens. She mostly just yells now. The only reason my brother and grandma talk to her is because of me. How do I get through the next 2 years without going insane?
   
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Re: How Do I Get Through These Last 2 Years? - May 20th 2011, 03:45 AM

Hey there, I'm sorry that you're going through this. You seem to be stuck. Which, in life we hit points where we are stuck, making life hard for us. I know the next two years are going to be really rough for you. I have three suggestions for you. I think that you trying all three of them will help you out. First thing, learn how to co exist with your mom. I know it's hard, but it's doable. What you can do is learn what makes her tick, and avoid that at all costs. Another thing that you can do is keep yourself busy. The busier you are, the less time you have to interact with your mom. Thus, the less time you have to fight with her. Which, I'm assuming is going to keep you both safe in the grand scheme of things. the third thing that I'm going to suggest is counseling for you. A counselor can help keep you sane. I know mine does. With them, you can talk about things that arise, and they will help you to learn how to cope with it. Take care<3


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Re: How Do I Get Through These Last 2 Years? - May 20th 2011, 06:20 PM

Wow, lynds that is really good advice, yeah I definitely agree with what she said. Sweet_Angel ik how that is. I go through periods like that with MY mother from time to time. The same exact things you go through, and basically what I do is, like Lynds said I keep myself busy, by doing this it helps me stay out of her way. Especially when shes in her "moods" I avoid, avoid. I also know what makes my mom mad, and trust me she gets mad easily the slightest thing can set her off. I think as our parents get older they are less able to tolerate the things we do, especially when living with them a lot and not being able to get our own place just yet. Because the economy makes moving out so hard. Also try to get a summer job, or get into a hobby something that will keep you busy and if you know your about to do or say something that you know, will piss your mom off, don't do it. As for talking to your grandma, that's just a jealousy factor, but try to sit your mom down and your grandma down and you all should try talking it out (counseling like Lynds suggested). Maybe your mom could learn something from your grandma and you all could understand each other better. Hope this helped. Have a nice day and feel free to message me if you wanna talk or be friends. <3 Byee : )


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Re: How Do I Get Through These Last 2 Years? - May 21st 2011, 10:12 AM

Have you tried putting family life on pause for a moment by holding a family meeting (with or without the grandmother). The point of it would be to have each family member express their feelings to one another in a calm way. It will go chaotic if nobody is leading it, so you need someone who isn't going to explode easily and don't even need to be part of the family but needs to be someone whom the family shows respect toward. Although it sounds childish, if one family member is getting uncontrollable, they are asked to leave for a bit to cool down. The rest of the family keep going. For this, it may be wise to have someone go with the temporarily removed member so he/she doesn't just shout and rile others up.

It's not an easy thing to do, I've done a few of them. The first one my father was the leader as he arranged the entire thing but it fell apart because others began talking over each other. I sat quietly, looked around, got a small book and slammed it as hard as I could on the solid table. Everyone went quiet right away, my aunt began complaining about it so I shouted for everyone to shut up, stay in their seat and I'll lead the family discussion. My role was simply to have one person speak at a time, not allow interruptions and only have people focus on a few key ideas at one time. Everyone went around and shared their view, people made their comments, then we moved onto the next idea. At the end, we formulated a plan of action to resolve these issues then report at the next family meeting about any improvements.

It worked for quite some time although shit started flying around again and I tried to tell them it was nothing to get worked up about. I actually had my mother and other family members talk to me in-person or phone me but eventually they kept going at it and I got fed up, told them they're only going to worsen the situation, they're too dumb to realize this and they're doing a wonderful job at allowing minor issues to break up family bonds. Interestingly enough, that worked to get most of their bickering to stop.


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