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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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my mum... lies to me... - May 30th 2011, 08:46 PM

hi, my mum has been lieing to me about where she has been going. she said she was going to her friend's (Tina's, Lyndsey's ect.)house... but i know that she hasn't. she has been taking a nurse outfit with her (the ones for role play sex) and vibrators... i dont know where she has been going but she hasnt been going to her friends house for sure, she isnt a lesbian or bi-sexual.
it makes me so mad that she lies to me about this and i dont know what to do.
   
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Re: my mum... lies to me... - May 30th 2011, 09:15 PM

I understand that you don't like being lied to... however, try to think about this from your mother's point-of-view for a moment. Your mother is obviously doing something sexual. You're her daughter, and you're 12. Discussing one's sexual life ISN'T something you do with your 12-year-old daughter! So your mother can't exactly be truthful about what she's doing - it would be highly inappropriate for her to discuss such matters with you. Lying isn't right, either, but when your mother's only options are "lie" or "tell the truth", "lie" seems to be the lesser of two evils in her mind.

Out of curiosity, how did you discover that your mother was lying? Did she leave her outfit and vibrators out for you to see, or did you have to do some snooping around in order to find out what your mother was doing? If your mother didn't really hide what she was planning to do, then maybe that was her way of "showing" you the truth, while lying about where she was going. You could confront her about the lying, and ask her to be more honest in the future (ex. stating that she is seeing "a man" or "a woman" tonight), while also remaining discrete (since leaving sexual outfits/devices out in the open isn't appropriate, given your age).

If you had to do some snooping around in order to find the outfit/vibrators... well, then I guess you realize now what the potential consequences can be when you do so! You could talk to your mom about the lying, but then she'll know you invaded her privacy... which means you're equally wrong for going behind each others' backs. Still, you could both admit your mistakes, then work on a compromise for the future.






   
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Re: my mum... lies to me... - May 30th 2011, 09:26 PM

she had left out a bag on her bed and i was brushing my hair in her mirror (i dont have my own atm coz i punched iT... dumb i know) and I saw a red and white thing in the bad ( i love red and white so I had a look what it was) and there was a nurse outfit in there, i obviously held it up for a closer look and there was a vibrator under it.
   
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Re: my mum... lies to me... - May 30th 2011, 10:11 PM

In that case, ask yourself a few questions:

1. Is it more important that you know the truth at all times with your mom, or are you okay with "letting it go" and assuming your mom won't always be telling the truth when she says she's "hanging out with friends"?

2. If you want to know the truth at all times, how truthful do you want your mom to be? Keep in mind that knowing too much, especially when it involves your mom's sexual life, CAN be a bad thing! Do you just want to know when she's "hanging out with friends" vs. "seeing a man/woman", or do you want to be privy to the more intimate details of her sexual life?

3. If you decide to have a conversation with your mom about this, how do you want to approach the subject? Do you want to be direct and say, "I saw the nurse outfit and vibrators, I know you're not going to your friend's house"? Or do you want to try the more subtle approach and say, "It's important that we don't lie to each other, Mom. I know you haven't been going to your friend's house every time you say you have. Can we talk about being honest with each other in the future?"






   
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Re: my mum... lies to me... - May 31st 2011, 03:37 AM

Your mother is lying to you but it's a lie in your best interests. I don't find it appropriate for a mother to talk with her pre-teen daughter about various sexual acts and fetishes she and whoever else engage in. There are certain things meant to be kept more private and this would be one of them. If you want your mother to tell you what's going on, you have to consider the fact you'll likely need to explain how you know of the outfit and vibrator. You also need to ask yourself if you want your mother to be truthful, how much do you want to know (i.e. knowing who she is with to knowing what they do together). These sexual acts are pleasurable for your mother so I think you should let her have her fun and pleasure, in time you have yours. Think about it, if you want your mother to be truthful about her sexual acts, it's only fair you be truthful about any ones you have (in the future). Do you want your mother to know what your partner and you engage in with clear details or simply want her to know who you're with, or want her to know none of that? I think it's something you should forget you ever saw, let her have her pleasure and don't risk ruining it for her.


I can rip you off, and steal all your cash, suckerpunch you in the face, stand back and laugh. Leave you stranded as fast as a heart-attack.
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