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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Pinkgube Offline
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Exclamation I'm terrified of my ten-year-old brother - May 31st 2011, 09:16 PM

My brother is ten but he is scary. I'm worried he may kill me. When I tell my mom she says I'm overreacting. My dad doesn't want to talk about. My sister gets annoyed and angry. My best friend is the only person who sees things from my point of view. This is because he treats her the same way. She is scared and she doesn't get it anywhere near as bad as I do.

He has a temper. If my sister upsets him he takes it out on me. I don't know why! One time she babysat him and said he couldn't play wii. He decided to chase me with a knife. That was when he was seven, and things have truly gotten worse.

My friend and I used his snowboard without his permission. We really didn't think that he would be upset, but we were wrong. I wasn't an angel. I refused to give it back. I really messed up. He chased my friend and I with a metal bat. We ran all over the neighborhood. He edventually got bored and went to play with his friend.

I can't remember what caused the next fight, but I need to work on controlling my temper and I know that. We had gotten in a verbal argument at dinner. I was acting meaner than I should, but I didn't mean to. I pushed it too far. He left the room and I thought he was going to cool down. I was so wrong. He went to get a belt, came up behind me, and tried to choke me. I thought I was going to die. I honestly don't remember many details from this night, but somehow my parents stopped him.

I'm only fourteen and very small. I'm about 5'2" and [Edit] pounds. I'm almost done growing. My brother is almost as tall as me and no where near done growing. He has an eating disorder, and I'm scared about how big he'll get if he gets over it. I shouldn't be this scared.

I want to defend my dad. I left to talk to him while writing. My dad sounds concerned, and agrees that they're is nothing good about how my brother acts. I don't think he knows what to do. He told me not to worry. I don't know if he means that I can't waste my life worrying, or that I'm worrying about an impossible situation.

My mom isn't much help. I love my mom so much, but she doesn't understand. She thinks I'm overreacting. Am I? She said she's going to talk to him, but I begged her not to. This is only going to anger him! I'm scared.

My sister is supposed to be who I can talk to. She gets really annoyed when I try to talk to her and I mention a problem more than once. She gets mad at me for talking about her brother with fear.

These are not the only situations. I love my family. I love my brother. I'd rather die than send my brother to a hospital or jail, but I need help. I don't want to be murdered at this young age.

Last edited by PSY; May 31st 2011 at 10:47 PM. Reason: Please do not post weight numbers on TeenHelp.
   
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Re: I'm terrified of my ten-year-old brother - May 31st 2011, 10:53 PM

Your brother doesn't need to be committed to a psychiatric ward, nor does he need to go to jail; however, if you and your family don't help him, he WILL end up in one of those two places, either because his eating disorder will spiral out of control, or he will seriously hurt someone (it could be you, a family member, or someone else altogether).

Tell your father that your brother needs to see a psychological professional, both for the eating disorder and the anger problems. Tell your father that if he won't get a referral from a family doctor or call therapists, you will have to take matter into your own hands by contacting people who can intervene. Generally, that means calling the police and Child Protective Services, to ensure that everyone in your household is safe and getting the medical/psychological care that is needed.

Normally, I would suggest that you encourage your parents to change their tactics with your brother (ex. disciplining him more often, monitoring his activity when he's around you); however, given that you've been CHOKED before, and they STILL haven't taken the appropriate action, I'm hesitant to say, "Let your parents talk to your brother." At this point, I don't think more effective parenting will help. They're going to need additional help as well, and you're going to need protection against your brother.

I wish you all the best. Please keep us updated on your situation.






   
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Re: I'm terrified of my ten-year-old brother - June 1st 2011, 03:15 AM

I appreciate it, but I've tried getting my parents to help him. They don't. He's went to one session for his eating problem. The therapist called him hopeless, we never came back
   
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Re: I'm terrified of my ten-year-old brother - June 1st 2011, 07:29 AM

Then that therapist is completely incompetent, lazy, or both. Go around your parents and tell the police what's going on. Demand that they contact CPS so a social worker can meet with your brother and mandate counseling for his eating disorder and anger problems/aggression. Keep calling the police station every day until they take you seriously. Tell the school counselor what's going on, and request that they call your parents to schedule a family meeting about how to find low-cost services for your brother's therapy sessions. I know it's difficult, but trust me, it's not impossible. You just need to be persistent. Your brother is a high-risk case, so if you keep asking different people/agencies for help, SOMEONE is going to help you and your family out.






   
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Re: I'm terrified of my ten-year-old brother - June 2nd 2011, 06:38 PM

My brother is the same way, but he doesn't chase people with knives or anything, he throws things, kicks, hits, makes threats, and he will sometimes pull out a knife and wave it around saying I am going to kill you, my mother does what she can, but she thinks it is just a stage, but when my stepfather is home he is a totally different child he only threatens, hit, punches and throws things at my mom and I and he loves to torture our dog by kicking him and putting him in the trashcan. He also breaks and destroys things saying it is my moms head or my head. I am scared he will kill my birds, so I had to put them up high so he doesn't get them.... It might just be a stage, or maybe he needs a good butt wippin but mother doesn't believe in hitting kids and neither do I and I think it might make the anger worse


"Have no fear for giving in, Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end, Its better to say too much, Than never to say what you need to say again" - John Mayer

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Re: I'm terrified of my ten-year-old brother - June 3rd 2011, 03:30 AM

How can I take legal action if I feel as if he is abusive? I can't emotionally handle living with him. However, I really don't want to leave my parents' custody, but, I couldn't take my parents loose custody of him! I feel like they'd choose him over me. These feelings may be because of the emotional pain he's put me through, that's at least what the Internet makes it sound like.
   
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Re: I'm terrified of my ten-year-old brother - June 3rd 2011, 04:08 PM

They aren't going to have to "choose." The fact of the matter is that he NEEDS to see someone, even if that means he has to go away for a while. It is best that he does it NOW-- before it gets worse, before someone seriously gets hurt, and the sooner the better. The longer you wait, the more set in his ways he will be. Maybe he is a sociopath? You need to take this seriously. If he is a danger in your household you need to tell a counselor. I agree with PSY, you should take the advice.
   
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Re: I'm terrified of my ten-year-old brother - June 3rd 2011, 05:54 PM

It's not your job to decide what happens to your brother. That is why I strongly suggest you get professionals involved. They have dealt with many situations that are similar to yours. They will be able to do what's best for your brother, for you, and for your family as a whole. By sitting around and worrying about what's going to happen, you are failing to take action, which means the situation will just get worse. Please, I'm urging you to get help.






   
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Re: I'm terrified of my ten-year-old brother - June 3rd 2011, 06:58 PM

In trying really hard to get my parents to get him help, any tips?
   
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Re: I'm terrified of my ten-year-old brother - June 3rd 2011, 07:47 PM

Laying out the facts would probably be your best bet.

My brother/your son has done the following:
- Chased me with a knife.
- Chased me and my friend with a metal bat.
- Choked me with a belt.

The things I have listed are:
- Not signs of "normal" behavior for ANYONE.
- Life-threatening for me, my friends, and possibly other people.
- Likely to escalate if nothing is done.
- Need to be addressed TODAY.

The things we can do include:
- Contacting the police and/or CPS TODAY.
- Getting professional help.
- Teaching him how to effectively cope with his anger WITH HELP from a professional.
- Ensuring he does not end up in jail someday.
- Ensuring no one is severely hurt or killed by him someday.
- Giving us all peace of mind.
- Giving my brother/your son a better life.

If your parents don't see things your way, contact the proper authorities and let them take over. Your parents should be given a chance to set things right, but if they won't, you'll need to get professionals involved who have handled situations like these before.






   
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Re: I'm terrified of my ten-year-old brother - June 6th 2011, 06:27 PM

How do I call them? Who do I call if I only call one number? What do I say? I feel ridiculous calling them though! How do I get over that?

Any tips on how to cope in the meantime?

I appreciate everything! You are patient and kind. Thankyou so much! God bless you.
   
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Re: I'm terrified of my ten-year-old brother - June 7th 2011, 01:38 AM

Thank you, and you're welcome. =) Feel free to ask as many questions as you'd like.

9-1-1 should be reserved for emergencies, of course. If you do a Google search for your city's police department, however, you should be able to find a non-emergency phone number. You can call that number and explain your situation. The receptionist should be able to transfer you to the correct people within the department who can provide more information on what to do, who to contact, when they can intervene, etc. You could also ask for a local number for Child Protective Services (may also be called Family Services).

Basically, when you call them, I would have a list of questions written down. For example:

- What can I do if my brother is violent, but my parents won't help?
- What can I do if my parents refuse to get treatment for my brother?
- What can the police do to help my family with this situation?
- What can Child Protective Services do to help my family?
- Who should I call if my brother is violent toward me or someone else?

Hopefully, the person you contact at the police department will take the time to answer your questions. If, for whatever reason, you feel the person on the other end isn't taking you seriously or isn't devoting their full attention to you, don't be discouraged! Some people have "off" days and don't feel like being very helpful, and some police officers aren't very sympathetic at all. Just call back the next day and ask to speak to someone else - eventually, you're going to get in touch with someone who is willing to listen and help walk you through the process.

If you feel embarrassed while talking to a police officer or social worker, remind yourself that you're not being ridiculous or overreacting. You have a very violent and dangerous brother who could seriously hurt you, your parents, other people, or even himself. He needs help, and calling for help may be the only way to ensure everyone's safety. Therefore, no matter how awkward the phone call may be at first, know that what you're doing is ultimately in everyone's best interests. Sometimes, the "right" thing to do isn't also the "easiest" thing to do.

As for coping, that's something you could add to your list of questions. Hopefully, the police officer/social worker you talk to will be able to assist you right away. If they can't for some legal reason (ex. they have to wait until the next time your brother reacts violently), or if they have other cases to deal with and can't visit your house for a couple of hours/days (since it's not an immediate emergency situation), then they should be able to give you some general tips (ex. avoid your brother as best you can, don't say or do anything to "set him off", know where the phones in your house are in case you need to call 9-1-1, know how to get out of the house if you're being attacked, etc.). I would also recommend doing things that will reduce your stress - find something enjoyable to do! You could also write everything down in a journal - what you talked about with the police/social worker, what they told you, what you've observed in your household, etc. In the future, when your brother receives help for his behavior, you can begin to fill up that journal with more positive thoughts and events - signs of improvement in your brother, peaceful conversations you've had during dinner, enjoyable things you've been able to do with friends, etc.

I wish you all the best, and don't hesitate to keep us updated on your situation! =)






   
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