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Grandmother ruining my birthday! - June 1st 2011, 04:41 PM

Hey everyone!
Well, in 6 days on June 7th, I am turning 21. I've been looking forward to it for a number of reasons, the biggest one obviously being that I can legally drink and go to bars now. Well, my grandma has to make it a point to say that the only reason why I can't wait is because I think I have to hit up bars. Well, duh! That's what you do when you turn of legal age, right? She keeps putting me down, and keeps ruining my birthday and I don't know what to do. It's really beginning to piss me off. She never did this to my older sister when she turned 21, and she seems to think that I can't have a car right now because I will be drinking! I don't believe in drinking and driving; never done it, and never will. My life and someone else's life is much more worth it to me than anything else. I just don't know why she has to be such a b*tch about me turning 21! I just wish she'd STFU already about it.
Ugh! This is more of a rant, but I could use some advice on how to talk to her about it. Thanks.

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Re: Grandmother ruining my birthday! - June 1st 2011, 05:01 PM

Hey there! Wow, I would dislike having anyone treat me like that. It's no fair to you. Your grandma probably just wants you to be safe. That's how it's coming across to me. I think you simply need to explain to her that you're an adult, and you're meant to make your own decision. Tell her you really respect and value her opinion, but being as you're almost 21, you're free to make your own decisions. Also tell her that you know the dangers of drinking, and what safety measures you will take in order to drink safely. Ensure her that you won't get into a car. By giving her details, you're putting her mind at ease and making her feel like 1) You're including her 2) better because she knows you'll be safe. I think you also need to stand strong and tell her "I really love you, and I'm glad you care about me, but I'm going out on my birthday." And then just drop it at that. Tell her in a confident, strong voice, so she knows that you're serious. You're 21, you get to do what you want. Take care. And oh! Happy early birthday

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Re: Grandmother ruining my birthday! - June 1st 2011, 07:56 PM

I agree with Amoroso.

I can also see how you would be pissed off about that. I think in the end you need to flat our tell her that you are an adult and have been one for quite some time. Tell her that you don't understand why she feels the need to ruin a birthday that you are obviously excited for.

Maybe you could tell her that you understand her concern but that you really know what you're doing and you aren't going to be stupid with the responsibility of being able to drink.
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Re: Grandmother ruining my birthday! - June 1st 2011, 08:51 PM

I think she's concerned for you and is being very direct in how she's phrasing it. I'm not sure why she wasn't like this to your sister but for now, I'd ignore that part. Instead of being angry toward her, tell her that you understand her concern, give a detailed list of the precautions you'll take, acknowledgement that younger drivers are often said to be the ones getting in more accidents (although statistically that's a flawed conclusion, just entertain it for her sake) and that you won't and have not taken alcohol while driving. You could even offer to drive her places if you don't already, just to show her a) how safe of a driver you are and b) how clean your vehicle is so it gives a positive impression in her mind. I think if you were to be sad or angry in front of her, she may stop what she is doing but may view it otherwise. Once you've told her the various things, you could also tell her that you understand her concern but it's your birthday, you would like it to be a positive 24 hours and have her congrats. Although it may be mean, I would also tell her that if she refuses to be positive for just a bit, she's not welcome to your birthday party, any party related to it and you want nothing she has as a gift. It may hit her hard and if need be, re-state why you feel this way, however, you don't need to do this if you feel uncomfortable telling her this.

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