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CaughtInMyHead Offline
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Unhappy I'm Always Unhappy At Home? - June 2nd 2011, 11:59 PM

About two years ago my parents got a divorce, I'm 15 now and I go back and forth every week from my moms to my dads. And I hate everything about it. I hate having to drag all my crap back and forth and discovering I left something I need at my mom's (such as textbooks for homework). My mom is getting remarried again and her boyfriend has a son, and their buying a house and having a wedding, and I hate the way she says how were all becoming a family. There not my family, I have a family, my mom and my dad and my two brothers, even if were all not together. That's my family and I don't want a new one and I don't want to join one. I don't even like my moms boyfriends son, he isn't mean but all he does is sit around at the house and watch t.v twenty for seven, he's pretty much a stranger to me. I hate the way my dads girlfriend comes over all the time and makes tons of noise and has to talk EXTREMELY loud. I hate the way I can never have any quiet to do homework and I hate the way my mom drinks and how she always thinks I'm being over-dramatic and doesn't believe a word I say or ever listen to my problems. Yet she complains her *** off about every little thing and if I complain she screams at me.
The only time I'm happy is when it's just me and my real family or when I'm home alone (like if I stay home from school.) I've been depressed for a long time and I'm just so sick of never being happy, of always hurting with no one who actually cares. I only happy when I'm alone with no one to interrupt that or hurt me or anything, when I can do art and write and act and read. I want that feeling so much and never get it, it's to the point that I have stayed home from school probably over twenty five days this year. I'm stressed out twenty four seven and the anxiety kills, I'm failing in school.
If I had money I'd move out in an instant and I'd be alone and do the things that I love, which means I'd be happier, which means I'd have enough energy to do things that need to be done. Such as homework, chores, cooking cleaning, when I'm home alone and feeling good I can work so much better. I want to be in independent studies so bad, but my parents won't let me. I'm trapped and I hate it. I was sobbing the whole time I wrote this, literally feel a hole in my chest.
What can I do? What do you think of my idea's of independent studies or moving out? Any advice or support? Oh and if anyone has gone through or going through this I'd love to know I'm not, well, completely alone.

By the way my mom won't help me with my depression have asked four times. To afraid to talk to anyone. I just can't stay here like this anymore.

Thank you so much guys
Sorry about the length!


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Re: I'm Always Unhappy At Home? - June 3rd 2011, 05:20 PM

Hey there!

First of all, I'm sorry you're going through all this. You deserve to be in a safe, positive atmosphere. And you just aren't getting that. You can't change your mom, your dad and their partners. But you can change how you view the situation and how you react to it. Right now it sounds as if you're frustrated about A, B and C. It's not so much the situation, just what you can do in that present moment. So, when you're feeling annoyed with your dad girl friend maybe you can politely ask her "Hey, I don't mind talking, but could you try and talk a bit quieter, I have ____ due on the ____ and I really need to focus to get it done." And if that doesn't work, then maybe go into a different room to study, or a friends house. I don't think the back and forth thing is going to change, so maybe simply changing your attitude on it could really help you to feel a bit better about it. It's all about attitude change, and learning how to work around your obstacles.

It seems as though you're not liking your parents partners right now. Have you ever tried expressing your feelings about them to your parents? You don't like your moms boyfriend, so does she know this? Marriage is a huge thing. Your mom should know your feelings about the marriage and why. Maybe you can take the time to get to know your moms boyfriend. Talk to him, and see if you two have anything in common. What about going and doing something that you both like doing? It might help you to get to know him better, and might make you see where he is coming from. As far as your dad girl friend goes, maybe you can talk to your dad and tell him that she talks loudly while your studying. Maybe when he notices it, he can ask her to stop, and it will be less awkward for you if he does it.

I know you don't want to talk about things to people, but I think it could really help. You've got all these things going on. It must be hard to keep track of it all! If your mom won't get you help, then can you see a guidance counselor, or maybe even a school teacher that you trust? I think that they can really help you to get organized, and to help you better deal with home life. And also, they can just be someone to listen to you vent. I've actually found that guidance counselors and teachers are the best listeners. I mean, there was a time in my life where they would be the only people I talked to. Also, what about friends? Can you let them in on what's going on? It's important that you don't hole up inside of yourself. Talking about it can really help! Take care<3


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Re: I'm Always Unhappy At Home? - June 3rd 2011, 05:36 PM

Hey there!

Well, first things first... seeing as you're 15 years old and unemployed, I doubt you'd meet the requirements for emancipation. You can't move into another person's home unless you get permission from your legal guardians (aka your parents). If you live with another person, THEY will have to become a legal guardian, which means THEY will be responsible for your well-being... so it would have to be someone you trust (literally) with your life, such as another family member or a friend of the family. The only other way to get out of the house (by legal means) would be to file a report with CPS (Child Protective Services). You'd have to demonstrate that your home environments are not safe, and that your physical and/or mental well-being are at risk so long as you live with your parents. You would then be placed in someone else's care until the situation at home could improve - which may or may not happen before you turn 18.

So what do I think you should do? Attend school every day. School doesn't have to be a stressful place - it's a place where you can learn about life and prepare for your future, whether that's college, technical school, or straight into the work force. Also, it's a chance to get away from your family members for several hours every Monday - Friday. You can make friends at school, and you can join clubs/organizations that are of interest to you. School IS going to be stressful at first, because you're behind on your work; however, the longer you stay away from school, the longer you've going to have to work to catch up on everything. So go back to school this Monday, and ask your teachers for additional support during lunch/after school. Explain your home situation to your teachers, and ask them what you can do to bring your grade up so that you're passing again. Maybe they'll let you complete an extra-credit assignment to help bring your grade up.

As for your mom, when she starts talking about her life and how much it sucks, I would simply sit quietly and pay attention to what she's saying. Show her that you care, and that you can empathize with her. Afterward, say something like, "I'm really glad we can talk about our problems together, Mom. It makes me feel a lot better when I know we can open up to each other. Actually, I'm struggling with a few things right now." Ask her for advice, make her feel important! Slowly but surely, the nature of your relationship may begin to change. Instead of ranting at each other, you can turn to each other for support and advice. It's going to take a while, but your mom should start to get the idea and embrace these changes.

I've dealt with divorce and stepfamily in the past, so please don't hesitate to PM me if you want to talk about what's going on. =) Unfortunately, sometimes, there aren't solutions to problems... we just have to do the best we can with what we've given. I am confident, however, that you will be able to get through the next three years and make some improvements along the way, whether they be personal or in your relationships with family members.






   
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