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angelfire Offline
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daddy issues - June 4th 2011, 07:06 AM

so what happens if you havent seen ure dad since u were 9months and now ure mums getting married to another guy and now u start feeling like u love ure dad just a little more agin do u look 4 him or just forget it.
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Re: daddy issues - June 7th 2011, 01:09 AM

I think that is something that you need to decide for yourself. No one can make that decision for you. Do you think that you should look for him. More importantly do you WANT to look for him? I think it's worth a shot. Be prepared for any possible outcome. Let's weight out the pros and cons of both. If you seek him out and find him, you get to see your dad again but you might risk him not wanting to see you. If you don't look for him you will never know how he feels and how it would be to see him again. I think that you should just be prepared for anything. Have support with you throughout this whole experience. Do you have a supportive adult or friend that can help guide you through this, and be emotionally supportive of you? It's natural to be curious about a parent you haven't seen your whole life. Maybe you should talk to your mom about this first. Express to her that you're curious about your father and ask questions about him to her. Ask her where you might be able to locate him. Basically talk to anyone and everyone who you know knows him and gather as much knowledge as you can. Best of luck to you! :]

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Re: daddy issues - June 7th 2011, 01:11 AM

Hello, Angelfire. Welcome to TeenHelp! =)

This is a complex issue for most people, and there's no "wrong" way to feel about the situation. You've never had a "father figure" in your life. You may be close to older male family members, neighbors, teachers, coaches, etc. but because you never knew your father, and because you've never had a stepfather, it's natural to desire that kind of a connection with someone.

First, try to identify why you want to connect with your father at this particular point in time. Perhaps you're thinking about finding your father now because you want to know him before you get to know your stepfather. Maybe you're afraid that, if you accept this "father figure" into your life, you'll be betraying your biological father in some way. Maybe you're worried that you won't get along with your stepfather, and you want to know your biological father so you can talk to him about problems with your mother and her new husband.

Second, try to imagine the various scenarios that could take place, and try to determine your "goals". For example, what if you can't find your father (ex. your mother doesn't want to give you any information, or you can't find any records of your father)? What if you find him, but he doesn't want to have a relationship with you? What if you find him, and you get to know him, but you end up hating him? What if you find him, and you like him so much that you want to spend more time with him (ex. joint custody or full custody)?

Finally, I think it's important to remain hopeful, but also maintain a realistic view of the situation. You say that you "love" your father... but you don't know your father. Is it possible that you just love the IDEA of your father, a man who can do no wrong, a man who can offer support throughout your life? It takes time to develop a real, loving relationship with a person. I'm not saying it can't happen - it definitely can! I'm just saying that it will take some time. He is essentially a stranger to you, so don't assume things will fall into place after meeting him one time. You'll need to be patient with him and accept all the feelings (positive and negative) that could result upon meeting him for the first time.

I wish you all the best. Take care!

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Re: daddy issues - June 8th 2011, 03:10 PM

OMG! I totally know how you feel! My dad left me at 6 months, and I have NEVER met him. I'm 15 now, but when I was 9 my mom decided she was going to get married O.o I was like what?... So now I kinda want to go see him.. See who he is, what he's about, if he actually wants to have a relationship... But my dad is in a different continent all together -_- Like someone else posted, that's a decision you have to make for yourself depending on what you're feeling, but my advice is, remember, he IS your father, and if there was no absue and you just want to see him, go for it(:
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