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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
bailatyvm Offline
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Father's Day :/ - June 6th 2011, 01:32 AM

My stepdad and I never have gotten along..at all, whatsoever, so every single father's day I have to try to avoid him which makes him really mad and even meaner to me than usual. But...I feel like I shouldn't have to do anything for him if he's just a jerk to me all the time...I don't know :/ It just happens every year and he complains to my mom and my mom complains about it to me and..ugh..

searching for myself...
and hugs. mostly hugs.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Father's Day :/ - June 6th 2011, 04:36 AM

Since he gets more angry when you intentionally ignore him, I take it to mean he would like if you did acknowledge Father's Day, treat him nicer and perhaps even get him a gift or do something for him. The fact your mother also complains to you about your behaviour toward him on Father's Day further indicates that the day carries importance to him, so although you two may not get along very well, why not put some effort and try celebrating Father's Day with him? You two may not love each other from the interaction but he may act nicer toward you, at least on that day and depending how it pans out, also on other days.

Simply put, if you intentionally ignore him, you're also to blame for the weak relationship, it's not just his fault. You say he's a jerk to you all the time but I would bet he thinks something similar of you: imagine, his own daughter intentionally ignores him and won't even bother to acknowledge when Father's Day comes around. You can blame him all you want but you have plenty of blame on your hands as well. It's unfair to think he would become different when you act the same. You respond to his behaviour and he responds to your behaviour.

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Re: Father's Day :/ - June 6th 2011, 05:20 PM

I think that it's a possibility that he feels hurt by the fact that you ignore him, and getting mad is his way of dealing with it. I'm going to suggest that you be the bigger person and get him something for Fathers Day. That can be the turning point of your whole relationship. If he knows that you care, then maybe he might show that he cares about you. Another thing is you can start on a brand new clean slate. Start spending time with him. Do things you both like doing. Talk to him, and get to know him better. Relationships with step parents are tricky. I mean, there can be all these factors as to why a good relationship hasn't been formed with one. The most important thing is to try, even if it seems like they won't. Because maybe he is thinking that if you don't try, why should he? Take care<3

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bailatyvm Offline
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Re: Father's Day :/ - June 6th 2011, 07:12 PM

Yeah..but it's not just him I ignore. I ignore my mom as well, and we have a better relationship. It's just not the way I communicate, through gifts. I'd rather just spend time with the person, which is hard enough for me to do. Ughhhhhh.

searching for myself...
and hugs. mostly hugs.
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Re: Father's Day :/ - June 7th 2011, 02:08 AM

I'm with the previous posters on this one. If he treats you poorly and you treat him poorly, then a vicious cycle develops. If you want to break the cycle, you need to be the better person and take the first step toward repairing your relationship. If you don't enjoy giving people gifts, then do something for him instead. Why not make him breakfast, lunch, or dinner? You could write a letter for him and leave it by his bed/sink, so he's bound to see it first thing in the morning. In it, you could wish him a happy Father's Day, and tell him what you plan to do for him today to show your appreciation. He'll probably be shocked that you're willing to cook a meal for him! The best thing about meals is that you can spend time in the kitchen while preparing food, so you won't have to carry on a lengthy conversation with him. You can also focus on eating the food you've prepared during the meal itself, so again, you won't have to carry on a lengthy conversation. Put on a smile when he's around and let your actions speak louder than your words could.

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Re: Father's Day :/ - June 7th 2011, 02:56 AM

I agree with Robin.

Just do something small that shows him that you appreciate things he does for you. Simply make him feel like..not crap.

I know all about holidays being especially stressful but know that they only come around once a year. Just plaster a smile on and be sweet. It'll help, it's just one day. <3
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Re: Father's Day :/ - June 7th 2011, 05:23 AM

just get him a card.. its a small gesture to save yourself from getting in trouble.

"One day at a time, this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering." -Ida Scott Taylor
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Re: Father's Day :/ - June 8th 2011, 02:20 AM

my stepfather and I have this little cycle and I feel I don't owe him a thing cause of the things he has done to me , but my mother always tells me he put a roof over my head, and food on the table... and sure thats not an ideal dad theres more to being a father but I had to grow up and see that he is a STEPfather and we are defiantly gonna have our differences, but one of us has to grow up and maybe if I can show him that I can grow up maybe he will treat me better and grow up as well... So this year I know exactly what I am going to get him... But he still should be nice no matter what I see where you are coming from... But at least try for your mother of anything

"Have no fear for giving in, Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end, Its better to say too much, Than never to say what you need to say again" - John Mayer

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day, father

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