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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Need friend advice :/ - June 11th 2011, 05:10 AM

So I've had these two friends for a while, and they've been great. However, over the past few months I can see the friendship fading. It always felt that in the friendship I never did anything right and I was the dumb one and it was like I was the third wheel and somehow everything I did was never good enough or it was wrong. Well, I'm a nice person or at least I try to be and one day all the pressure of trying to please them caught up with me, as well as some other personal issues and they found my cuts on my arm. They were really mad and said how pissed they were at me. They tried to blame my other friend but it wasn't that at all, and now it's to the point where I just don't want to feel bad anymore. They stopped calling and I did too. I'm trying to move on and break away from that, and focus on my job and other things. Now, they keep texting me and things and I don't want to contact them, at least if I did I would have to tell them that I'm moving on, and that I don't see the friendship unfortunately going anywhere. If I told them that though they wouldn't take it well they'd take it irrationally I think. I've been ignoring the texts and I feel bad about it, but I just don't want to feel that way anymore. I need to surround myself with positive people. What do I do? Do I just continue ignoring it? My therapist said that I should just ignore it and go and live my life, it is my choice who I want in my life and I have a right to not want them in it. I'm just confused and I just want it to go away, or the situation to go away at least.


Forgiveness is for you, not the other person. If you don't forgive people you give them control over you. They are living their life and you're up at night thinking about all the things they've done to you. - Madea Goes To Jail.
   
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Re: Need friend advice :/ - June 13th 2011, 12:45 AM

Even if your friends weren't all that great, they deserve an explanation. So no, I wouldn't continue to ignore their text messages. I would send them a message, or call them, explaining that you want to surround yourself with more positive people and move on. They may start texting more often for a while, but at least they will be aware of the situation, and eventually, they'll give up and move on as well. As things stand right now, though, they don't know what's going on, and so they're probably going to keep reaching out to you (which isn't what you want them to do). They'll give up eventually, but they'll feel a great deal of resentment toward you, because they'll never know why you stopped talking to them. Who knows... maybe they'll learn from this experience and become better people as a result! And you'll be able to gain some closure by clearly stating what you want/don't want from your former friends. I'm sure your therapist would say that it's bad to leave things unresolved - and by not telling your friends anything at all, you're leaving things unresolved.






   
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